Welcome thedon!!
As my urolgist said just after he told me, You have prostate cancer," your life will change from this point forward". Boy, that was an understatement. I am fighting incontinence 10 months post-op, down to a couple of pads a day. My surgeon told me not to use a pad at home, sometimes your mind has to get on board with your body. It hasn't worked yet but the fact that you are down to only one pad is a good sign. Have you tried going without at home? Put on your swim trunks and underwear and let it flow! You'll do a kegel standing up and other times when you know you might leak instead of using the pad as a crutch.
What have you done for the ED issues? Pills, ED pump, etc. Still dribbling does kind of take you out of the mood in the bedroom.
The "New Normal" takes some time getting use to. Having sex again is kind of like the first couple of times having sex when we were teenagers, learning what to do and how to do it.
You should be talking this over with your wife as well as your doctor.
Hang in there, you have many friends here willing to help and listen.
Bill from Florida 