Depression

Well here I am going on 3 years after stage 4 prostate cancer. Psa started to rise last June and had radiation treatment. PPsa 0 agian. Going to get Psa tomorrow in the am. I have now realized that I have been depressed for the past years because of the lingering effects or the rp. I always have to wear a pad. I have not had an erection since the morning of my surgery. Have hated myself since the surgery and wished I would have never had it. Feel like a freak at 51 years old. laugh, suirt, sneeze squirt, cough, squirt, bend a certain way, squirt. hen there is the great smell when you drop your pants to pee from a previous although minor squirt. Decided a drink would take the edge off. elides to drink more. Wrong answer. CAme to a head this weekend when my drinking and lack of motivation to continue. my wife had me committed out of fear that I was going to the ultimate bad. I do keeggles every day and tried pumps **** and Ed meds to no avail. I have made an appointment with a therapist and hope to work this out. Just want t like myself again. 2 things I've noticed, many feel that prostate cancer isn't bad. When you are not yourself people walk away.

..Volv9300..

..Good subject, man oh man did I get what you are saying. I am 42 years young and stage four. I did the da Vinci surgery and bang like getting hit over the head, no more erections maybe for the rest of my life. Was surgery a modern form of mutilation I ask myself. I sit and watch my pretty little wife run around the bedroom in her panties and I want to jump out the window cause my heart is so heavy. My, or should I say our sex life was a big part of our relationship and I was thankful. To be impotent at 42 is like a modern day curse. I feel like today's elephant man. I feel your pain brother Volv9300.
..Now you know a bit of what I think and feel, but we can not sub come to the evils of the devils world. That little red man would love to own our souls. Will we let him? Man oh man it is tuff but we must get it together and find a new way to find happiness. Like lots of fooling around without intercourse. Drinking will take you down the long hard road, I know that for sure. I am not preaching just thinking my thoughts out loud in order to share with you cause of this suffering we endure. I am trying to stay positive trying to stay busy. I am going to get my second trimix shot this Thursday. I am trying to put my best foot forward, trying to be the best man I can be. Remember my brother that the content of a mans character is true when we see how he deals with adversity. Just as sex is the essence of life so is pain and suffering and if we could master the latter then maybe we could get some what back to who we were before..
..I know that I rambled a bit but I am hurting inside along with you and you gave me a chance to vent, Thank You..
.......Appleseed.........

volv9300 I'm sorry you're going through this and pray you find some relief and peace.

Volv9300,

Most of the problems you talk about can be made better. Some of them can be fixed and some must be accommodated. But there is a way forward. The first thing is to deal with your depression and the drinking. There's no shame in getting help for those. Depression is a frequent companion to men with prostate cancer and if the disease doesn't make you depressed the treatments often will. I have been on Prozac for most of the time I have been on hormone therapy. Two out of three men on androgen deprivation get depressed and a fair number of them get help for it. No shame there. As for the drinking, it's not even a short term solution to the problem -- it just makes things worse. But it can be beaten too.

Once you have gotten you head squared away the next thing will be to get your hydraulics back online somehow. We have lots of guys here who have gotten slings installed to fix their leaking. We have one new member who just had his second sling installed two days ago because the first one didn't work. He's hurting right now but he's probably not depressed.

We have other guys who have had implants to fix their ED. Some of them had a sling and an implant at the same time.

You can take back your life from the beast if you just refuse to give up.

... or at least that's what I tell myself when the ED and the ADT and the constant P get me down...

volv9300 -

Please listen to us! The advice you have been given so far is excellent advice and you can follow it! Believe me, a lot of us here have been through so many of the trials and tribulations you are talking about, and we can relate to what you are saying, and we can guarantee you from our own experiences that there are good and effective ways of dealing with and overcoming the problems, as awful as they seem, that you are having to deal with.

We are a brotherhood here on this list, and we are all very eager to help anyone who comes here feeling overwhelmed by this thing, this disease which we call "the beast," and I guarantee you that there will always be someone here virtually 24/7 to talk to you and assist you whenever you feel the need to come on here and talk. We really do want to help. Please let us.

I want to ask you about something you said in your post, and ask you to do something about it. You said your wife had had you committed out of fear of what she thought you might do.
Is that what happened? Were you held in a medical facility for observation? If so, that must have been awful. But it also tells me that you have a wife who loves you, cares about what happens to you, and is going to be there for you no matter what. Is that right? If so, then think about what a valuable, wonderful, thing you still have in her, your loving wife, and how happy it would make her if you would tell her how much you love and appreciate her, how important she is to you in your life, and then tell that you will never let her down.

We have wives, daughters, girlfriends here who are members of this list and who have proven themselves to be angels in helping the men in their lives who have been fighting this cancer and the problems it creates. Do you think it might help if you were to ask your wife to talk to some of the women here, who have become so very knowledgeable indeed about prostate cancer and its effect on relationships and families, and who know so many ways to deal with that? I know our sisters here on this list would be more than happy to talk with your wife, if she would like, and then your wife, who obviously cares about you, might well be able to help you better. Please ask your wife if she would like to do this, and then show her how to read and make posts here on this list, if she would like. If she has little or no experience using a list like this, please tell her that's OK, we can help her through that.

You also said in your post that you were due for another PSA test soon. We all know how anxious that can make a person, and that is probably adding to your stress level right now. When you get that result, please come back and tell us what it is,
whatever it is, and we will be happy to talk about that with you.

Please do think about what we have been saying to you, and please, please do come back and post again. Sometimes people make posts, we respond to them, but then they never post back again. Do let us hear from you. We are here to help.

And please do ask your wife to be a part of your life as you deal with all this. And, as stated, she is more than welcome to come on here so that we can help her help you.

Please keep in touch with us. We want to help.

volv9300 , get professional help, that will help more than we can , though you should get comfort from the forum also. Please add a signature with all the information you can so we can help with the pca aspect of your situation. The more we know about that, the more we can help. Look at other posts at the bottom, find the one with the most information and use it as a template for your own. Perhaps our knowledge of Pca will alleviate some of your fears , thus lessen your depression as well. The expertise here is Pca, thou of course any one who has cancer is at risk for depression and the members experience there should soothe. But professional help is needed here, and no shame involve. The first step in helping yourself is to help yourself. You have done that by coming to the forum. continue each day to do something for yourself, that you don't want do do, but know that you should. Good luck. Stay active/ positive in mind and body, even in any small way, it is the only road to conquering this, IMO. Faith the size of a mustard seed will grow. Plant one and see….

volv9300 ...

   Glad to hear you put a stop to the drinking solution - cause, of course, it ain't a solution! Try a little patience and do get some professional advice.

   I just got a call yesterday from my Onco's office that my PSA (blood draw 2-days ago) came in at 55.5! It pretty much devastated me ... especially after I was told two days ago how much luck my Onco's office was having with Xtandi in lowering PSA levels.

   Anxiety .... Patience .... Anxiety ..... Patience!

   Seems to be a way of life.

   I hope your professional help eases any anxiety you might have - and helps you with the terrible side effects you're experiencing.

You have received outstanding advice here and have taken the 1st step by putting the cork in the bottle.
The next step is making it "right" with your wife if she loves you and you love her. Start by keeping it "low key" and seek professional help. As Peter mentioned, an anti-depressant periodically shouldn't hurt as long as you don't get "hooked" on them.
It's terribly difficult fighting an enemy that can't be seen and can almost drive a man "crazy" and to the "hell with it" point. In your case I'm sure that you can fight back and can resolve some if not all of your problems. It's ok to have "high anxiety" sometimes, but put "fear" in a box with a lock on it. Let us know your stats since we have members where you are at now and they will do their best to help. We are not doctors but do have some "experts" with "common sense"--A few that is--lol.
I wish you the best and never stop fighting--go outside in the AM and watch the sun rise.
Bill

Volv9300 - PCa isn't your fault, incontinence isn't your fault, ED isn't your fault. Why hate yourself? Hate the disease, do what you can to fight the disease. Talk to your wife, let her help you with your feelings. Let her be "there" for you. Professional help is not amiss but, those around you can hel too. Just ask. Every person on this forum is here for you. If I were a "huggy" type person I would offer you one. Know that our thoughts are with you and please keep in touch.

Thanks PeterDA.  You are right, it wasn't hard at all.  Here's one for you and Volv9300.

{('v')}

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