Revised Poll on Intimacy Post Dx and Treatments

it hasn't improved because of PCa or because surgery magically made me the six million dollar man.

It's improved because we are young 40s and emotionally more mature and therefore more capable of really enjoying and exploring our sexual desires and fantasies.

PCa related rehab did, however, help us get a jump start on that.

I still find this poll to be a bit problematic. "Intimacy improved" does not belong on a poll about frequency of intimacy.

My intimacy with my wife is just as frequent now as it was before surgery (3-4 times per week). However, that does not mean that our intimacy is the "same". Yes, our intimacy frequency is the same, but the quality of the intimacy is decreased, since the spontaneity is gone (due to need to plan around shots/pills), and the outcomes aren't consistent (no guarantee to have a usable erection).

The correct poll (in my opinion), should be two questions:
1) Has intimacy frequency changed due to PCa treatment?
2) Has intimacy enjoyment changed due to PCa treatment?

I'd guess that for many people, frequency has gone up (because they are trying often to see if ED is improving) but enjoyment has gone down. For others, the reverse could be true.

(Sorry if my post is too confusing or seems like a rant. My profession is to deal with lots of complex data all the time, and I know that getting the principles behind the data collection right in the first place is critical to having meaningful results.)

Gedman

Chose 'Moderate Decrease' in the poll. It is different; and not necessarily all directly a cause and effect from PCa.

Commitment is still good, but expressing it requires a new norm that is not as comfortable for either of us. Spontaneity is the largest casualty.

davidg said...
...
PCa related rehab did, however, help us get a jump start on that.

Good one!

Of course, as a woman, we tend to look at things differently. To me, intimacy doesn't have much to do with anything physical. We are always intimate even when dressed and out for dinner. That has not changed.

How often to you have sex now compared to before surgery? This is what I think you are trying to say in a nicer more genteel way. Even that can be subdivided into: How often do you have sex.... and How often do you have intercourse. Again, 2 different things.

I think an individuals tax return and sex life are nobodies business ceptn those involved. that option should be on the poll.

njs, can relate to some of what you said. once we hit the "empty nest" phase of our nearly 40 year marriage, frequency increased, as more opportunities of privacy were allowed. can only speak for my wife, but she has enjoyed the dry "O" part, and without the mess, one can entertain more creative and daring opportunities.

worse period was when we had 3 teen agers in the house, thin walls, you get the rest. wife never felt like we ever had true privacy. and the worse thing in the minds of teens, is gross, when thinking of their parents having sex!

david

davidg: at that time period, we didn't have either of those two options. and we always had a house full of other teenagers, they migrated to our house, because we were the "cool" parents, lol