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Posted 12/18/2013 5:06 PM (GMT 0)
This will be my final post at Healingwell for 2013 and perhaps beyond.

For all the years of support I have received ~ thank you.

I now do volunteer work as an advocate for prostate cancer awareness and research, I have never been paid in spite of accusations, at various patient advocate opportunities and I will keep on keeping on. My reason for leaving Healingwell is because of the same reasons I left being a moderator of 4 years here. Sometimes you are just made to feel not welcomed anymore. I now receive with apparently full consent of some, harassing and mean emails and it's just not a healthy environment.

The following are priorities I endorse:

1. Be educated about your health. Men are not as adept at their health as women. Women ask questions men don't ask. A PAP smear or a mammography are not secretive procedures. You obviously know you are being screened and will ask questions that men, whom are screened with a blood test and possibly blindly, don't know to ask.

2. Never stop learning. Over my seven years here I learned that information is constantly changing. And it is not easy to get the latest information. I tried to share it but it led me here today. Seven years ago is a long time. When I was diagnosed to today the landscape has changed drastically. Always leave an open door for new information.

3. Share. Talk to your brothers, sons, uncles, fathers, grandpa, any man in your life. Anything you say about your experience falls under the gift of giving. And it matters.

4. Screening. I support screening educated men 100% no matter the circumstances. I support limiting the medicos to leading screening men that they do not verify their education with. As a live support group leader I know that there are hundreds of thousands of men screened without their knowing that jump into therapies that they never researched. It is a major line of concern in the medical industry and it should be. Better tools are needed to screen men to differentiate between indolent or aggressive cancer. Until then prodding the screening of the right men at their most high risk situations in life is logical. But no man should ever be denied screening when a man requests it regardless of age, race, or education level. Each case needs to be dealt with at the patients level.

I wish all well here. My #1 goal is surviving and helping mens lives while preserving their health at the highest level. I am looking for new ways to get information out there so stay tuned for that. For now I recommend the "New" Prostate Cancer Infolink as a resource for daily updates. Mike gets much of what I post and he also reports on it, I think, objectively. I'll continue to feed information for him to post.

prostatecancerinfolink.net

December 22 will mark a day for me that changed my life. In 2006, I was diagnosed with what turned out to be advanced prostate cancer. And December 26 will be the day I celebrate as well. It's the day after several days without sleep and fear rampant in my life that I found Healingwell. It's the day I became a survivor of cancer.

May peace and love be with you always.

Moving on...

Tony
Posted 12/18/2013 5:13 PM (GMT 0)
Sad   Those responsible for the personal ad hominen attacks which got out of hand in mid-June continue to drag HW down.  Their month-long ban wasn't long enough...and unfortunately they came back.   Can’t conjure-up a meritorious perspective?...attack the messenger instead.  That immaturity in itself is sad, but the sending of personal emails has taken this to a new level of inappropriateness.   I’m embarrassed for HW and the unhealthy environment which has been condoned/tolerated.   Shame.           Tony, I can only encourage you to keep doing what you are doing...you are doing the right things, and helping many others (many who are clueless about it).  You are a "do-er."   See you at ASCO!         Post Edited (Casey59) : 12/18/2013 11:26:20 AM (GMT-7)
Posted 12/18/2013 5:17 PM (GMT 0)
Tony. Not what i was expecting as i sat down for lunch. How sad that it has come to this. Thankyou for all your hard work here&for Pca awareness. You are the only member here i have had the pleasure to meet in person. I just might have to return to the infolink. If can remember my log in info.... Be well my friend. Tom
Posted 12/18/2013 5:26 PM (GMT 0)
Tony I am very sorry to hear about your leaving and really had no idea you were getting flack from others on the board. You will continue to be an asset wherever you might go. I do hope that you will return sometime in the future.
Respectively
Michael
Posted 12/18/2013 5:36 PM (GMT 0)
Tony,

I 'll stay in touch with you from time to time. You are a gift to those with prostate cancer, as an advocate, guide, and friend. I 've known you for seven--count 'em-- years and thank you for your support and friendship. Take care....Tim
Posted 12/18/2013 5:48 PM (GMT 0)
Tony,
Sorry to hear you are leaving us. Things got pretty disgusting around here 6 moths ago. I didn't want to jump into the discussions that were ruining the purpose of HW. Too bad the actions of a few would make you want to leave us.

Keep on spreading the word to others that are still out there with this disease and don't know it.

Thanks for all you do!!

Bill from Florida cool
Posted 12/18/2013 7:01 PM (GMT 0)
Tony,

I've only been a member less than a year, but I've always read yours posts with great interest.  From a personal perspective, your contributions will be missed.

Take care.

Jim

Posted 12/18/2013 10:00 PM (GMT 0)
I felt like I needed to say something about the present situation: the wrong person is leaving. Wake up, moderators. It is easy to see what has happened here, and where the problem exists. The problem is not TC-LasVegas. I and many others have been blessed to have his wise counsel. Step up.

I feel I need to say something that I've said several times before: "check out posts" should not be allowed. on most forums I've been on over the years your account would be suspended if you choose to announce your departure.

nice first post. whoever you are.

ed

Posted 12/18/2013 10:54 PM (GMT 0)
Tony,

I was shocked when I opened this thread, was expecting the normal seasons greetings. BTW, not to nitpick, but think you meant 2013, not 2014, and beyond.

I wish you weren't leaving, know you have attempted to do so several times in the past year, and I think deep inside I understand and respect your decision.

You were one of the very first I met here over 5 years ago, and will miss your company, content, and friendship.

Learned a lot from you, in particular over the years. And when you and I have rarely disagreed, it's always been with civil tones.

I apologize for those here that have treated you poorly over the months, there is no excuse for that kind of behavior, so I hope they are proud to get rid of you, even though its your own choice.

You are always welcome here, and I am hoping you will change your mind over time, for the good of the brotherhood.

David in SC
Posted 12/18/2013 11:16 PM (GMT 0)
Dear Members:

Tony is a highly valued member (and past moderator) of our forum. Beyond that, he has provided great support to numerous men both on HW and elsewhere and for that we should all be grateful. While not everyone agrees with Tony's perspective, it is certainly clear to the three of us how much Tony has contributed and continues to contribute in the prostate cancer field.

His concerns and issues as expressed in this thread serve as a strong reminder to all of us to be respectful and civil in our interactions with each other. We are all fighting the same beast; fighting with our "family" members doesn't help anyone.

This should not be read as your moderators taking anyone's side in recent arguments. While Tony, as always, has been a class act in this some members were less so and there were intemperate things said on both sides of the argument.

Tony, please accept our best wishes for a wonderful holiday season and remember that you are always welcome on the forum.

142, PeterDA and Tudpock (Jim)
Posted 12/18/2013 11:27 PM (GMT 0)
Tony,
I met with you for the 1st time at Casey's and now you are leaving; I respect your decision and as I have always said or at least hope that I did--"any man who is a PCa advocate is a friend of mine regardless of his beliefs". I don't know yours but I do appreciate your comment at Casey's "that any man who had Agent Orange exposure in Vietnam should be tested". That made my day! As you realize, I am probably the most uninformed member on this forum jousting against windmills with a lance when they have morphed into wind farms. Prior to switching to this forum I completed a detailed letter to the "Vietnam Veterans of America"; you can imagine what the content involved.

I have always supported you and have appreciated the advanced information provided. I sincerely regret the manner in which you were treated here..Godspeed!
Bill idea
Posted 12/19/2013 12:41 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Tony, I too have been only hanging around the perimeter of HW, as it is not like it was 7 years ago, to me HW was a place that I found that stopped me going crazy at the time.

A lot of the old guys are not here now, this is not a place for fighting and argument, and it is sad to see.

I will still drop in here from time to time, Tony I applaud you for the way you have made yourself a champion in the fight against Pca.

I have your e-mail and still see you on FB Merry Christmas & Happy New Year.

Mal.
Posted 12/19/2013 12:57 AM (GMT 0)
We NEED YOU HERE TONY! We have just completed our entrance into a clinical study at the NIH. It is because of what you, Tony, helped us learn and encouraged us to pursue. We are afraid that without you here many many folks will not learn what we have from your expertise and caring.
Please?
Jim and Marie
Now in the enzalutamide and prostvac arm of Clinical trial. HOORAY.
Blazing a trail for others, thanks to you Tony!!
Posted 12/19/2013 1:40 AM (GMT 0)
I gather these negative , demeaning, whatever posts are done privately? For the life of me I can't remember any insulting confrontational or whatever posts on the forum in general. It is true that some advice seems to be medical professional in nature when the posters are clearly not professionals, but almost always with the disclaimer that they are not medical advice. Perhaps some people take offense if their particular treatment regimen may not be that others would have done and is taken as some sort of personal offense that they do not agree? Don't know, but I've found most of the posts to the forum in general to be inoffensive and supportive. I guess it's the personal posts that are the culprit?
Posted 12/19/2013 1:54 AM (GMT 0)
Tony,

It's obvious that I don't read all the threads because I don't know what you're referring to. The interactions I've had with you have been positive.

I guess we'll see you on the Infolink and FB. Healingwell will be here....check in occasionally like we all do...I don't see the need to check out entirely.

Jerry
Posted 12/19/2013 2:28 AM (GMT 0)
Oh, how sad...

The Wampuscat's are correct! So many of us made it to where we are, whether through additional research or otherwise, via information you provided.

I have the privilege of being able to keep up with you on FB. I get to see the personal side of your life, which also demonstrates nothing less than your sincere caring about other people and your commitment to your community and other valuable causes.

I wish other people were so fortunate.

See ya on facebook, my friend.
Posted 12/19/2013 6:06 AM (GMT 0)
TC,

Merry Christmas to you and your beautiful family. Thank you for all the hundreds (thousands?) of hours you have donated in being a moderator, researching PCa and sharing all that knowledge with us. You are a first class human being and I for one am so grateful to have met you and have benefited from your advice.

Please don't let one or a few men with anger, personality disorders and ego issues since God blessed them with all knowledge (NOT) ruin your contributions to all of us who from your learning the latest and greatest studies, successes that give us hope and what appears not to be that successful.

I can see how you are offended when some putz questions your integrity. You and I know you have total integrity and your intentions are pure and good. You have generously donated so much critical time and knowledge to this forum and to the Nevada chapter of UsToo.

We need to rally behind you and put the peer pressure on guys like DavidG and others that are not welcomed on this site because they are disruptive to the great cause and mission that lead to the creation of HW.

I ask all of our great brothers and women on this website to take a stand and stand-up to those individuals that know it all and discredit what our emotions and what we are struggling with.

When those of us are struggling with so many issues as we go down this path this site has been a sanctuary where most of feel like we can come and share the inter-most private issues that come along with horrible disease. This has been a safe place and needs to continue to be a safe place. I know there are issues that I can't discuss with my wife but I can and have discussed them here and I will continue to do so. When we are vulnerable, who in their right mind can try and discredit what we are experiencing and feeling? What is their problem that they feel like they can come and berate and try and discredit so many wonderful people. We all know there is so much to still learn about prostate cancer. Heavens forbid, how many times have I gone to different oncologists and received different answers and recommendations for treatments. This comes from great women and men who have dedicated their life in helping us try and beat this darn cancer. So, can a layman who doesn't have the medical training repudiate someone's feelings, suggestions, etc. I am tired of the bickering, the pettiness from such a few individuals on this forum.

I have been on this site for almost four years, I have seen a few bullies and know it alls that have offended you and others before and it is not fair to you and our brothers and it is not fair to the rest of us that that want to extend our learning, share our experiences, ask for validation for what we are going through. If someone on this forum can't have the compassion and appreciation for what every individual posts, I for one do not welcome them. They need to take their excessive knowledge, big egos and little penises and go play in another marble game.

PLEASE don't let little people ruin what you have done and what you are doing and what you will continue to do on behalf of prostate cancer. The majority of us know that you are a first class act, you are truly unselfish and have spent countless hours researching, attending conferences, visiting with so many oncologist specialists and then take the time to contribute to this forum to help us in our individual journeys.

Thank you for all the great posts you have submitted over the years. I for one have benefited greatly from them. You have set the bar high for the other moderators from your past example.

Please take a couple weeks off, spend quality time with your loved ones at home and who you oversee and once you have taken down the family christmas tree, celebrated living one more year and the New Year come back and continue to share with us your expertise. If someone can't appreciate it, all of us need to come to your rescue or the rescue of our other brothers and great women who collaborate of this forum.

Merry Christmas my friend.
Posted 12/19/2013 7:46 AM (GMT 0)
Like David I was exxpecting a different sort of post. So


Firstly: Happy Christmas to you too. And very Best Wishes for 2014 and beyond

Secondly: Shame you're going, shame you feel prssured into going.

Glad to have shared time with you ar HW.

(Sad face)

Alf
Posted 12/19/2013 10:42 AM (GMT 0)
..Like Devasted1 so clearly states, I am not sure why some come here to break chops. Having opinions is one thing, even challanging ideas or taking a stance is admirable, but constant inciting and breaking of the chops is non productive non supportive non conducive to brotherhood. Stop driving the wedge and extend the hand, it is the only way we can make it. Together now as one..

..Tony thanks for all you do......

......Appleseed......
Posted 12/19/2013 1:18 PM (GMT 0)
Tony,

WOW!!!!! Being new here, I've not seen a lot of the negative part of HW! I've ALWAYS ENJOYED READING YOUR POST!! The saying: CAN'T WE JUST ALL GET ALONG???? It's hard enough to have PCa let alone act like little kids (not meaning you at all)!

ANYWAY WE CAN TALK YOU INTO S T A Y I N G ?? I respect your decision.

I too, like Casy59, am embarrassed for HW and the unhealthy environment which has been condoned/tolerated. Shame.

Can you give me the site where you'll be so I can follow you? Thanks......

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!!

Tony, I'd like to be your friend on FB: Dave n Dorothy Glasgow, Thanks
God bless you!!

Dave in Bartlett, TN
Posted 12/19/2013 1:41 PM (GMT 0)
Tony - you'll truly be missed. Like other have stated - you were here for me when I first joined.

Someday soon - we should start naming names to help get rid of the few people that don't belong here shocked
Posted 12/19/2013 2:42 PM (GMT 0)
Tony -

As Devastated 1 said:

"Please take a couple weeks off, spend quality time with your loved ones at home and who you oversee and once you have taken down the family christmas tree, celebrated living one more year and the New Year come back and continue to share with us your expertise."

Would you consider doing that?

Certainly we respect your decision to leave HW if you feel that is the best thing for you to do now, but sometimes, perhaps in a week or two following this decision, you just might want to reconsider your decision to leave.

You absolutely strike me as the type who very, very carefully weighs all factors and input in making his decisions, and once you have made a decision, you follow through on it quickly and effectively. Perhaps you do indeed feel that it is time for you to move on, or that your other duties are now requiring more of your time.

But could you at least promise us that in a week or two from now you will take a few minutes to rethink this action, and see at that time if you really would like to stay on with us as a regular member (as so many of us wish you would)?

Please at least do this: don't cancel your HW account (username, etc.) just yet. Keep it open for now and let's see how things stand in a couple of weeks or so. Perhaps you will want to come back.

Tony, it would be great if you decide to stay. We are stronger with you than without you.
Posted 12/19/2013 2:44 PM (GMT 0)
Tony, I want to take just a minute here to say thank you for your sage advice back in 2009 that helped me make the decision to do Adjuvant HT and RT for my stage pT3b cancer. Today I remain in a state of remission, with consistent psa tests of >0.01. Have a Blessed Christmas.
OpaN
Posted 12/19/2013 3:15 PM (GMT 0)
Steve of Dallas is correct.

In the past year in particular, it's always the same 2-3 people that can't control themselves, and go off on these rude and unproductive tangents.

Like others here, I am embarrassed for the good of all of HW PC, that this situation has been allowed to happen.

Tony has been here for virtually every single person that is still here at HW. He was the original "source" of PC knowledge and advice for many of us, for a long time. Since then, we have other gifted contributors to assist Tony, of course.

Sometimes, you have to do, what is for the best of the group. This happened about 4 years ago here at HW PC, and when just one particular poster was eliminated here, peace prevailed for a long, long time.

I don't expect Tony to change his mind this time, I believe in this latest rift, the straw finally broke the camel's back, and that is sad, it's disgusting, and it's pitiful at the same time. Talk about biting the hand that feeds you (in this case, direly needed information and research). We will all lose as the result of this action.

And for those that caused this action, what did they gain out of it? Some minor ego stroke? Sorry, but I hate bullies, either in r/l, or on-line. I find it more cowardly on-line, because the bullies don't have to face the ones they are bullying. In real life, if they said the things they say, they may end up with a "facial adjustment", or something worse. So it's easy to talk big on-line, and they don't seem to care about the damage they do.

Tony's integrity should never be questioned, ever. He doesn't have to prove himself or his worth to anyone. With Tony, it's not just words, it's deeds too. So obvious to anyone that knows him.

Sorry, will stop now. Woke up with this on my mind again, and it really, really bothers me.

Perhaps the HW PC moderators will ascertain if severe steps are needed to prevent something like this happening again. Just a thought.

Bless you Tony, you did nothing wrong.

David in SC
Posted 12/19/2013 3:20 PM (GMT 0)
Hi All:

Lest this veer off toward some divisiveness in this holiday season, I think I'm gonna lock this one down. Hope you understand. Tony's email is still active and anyone who wants to reach out to him directly can do so.

Jim
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