A HW very mini pet peeve

Folks:

Maybe I am totally off-base on this. I'm sure if I am, my brethren here will straighten me out.

BUT:

Sometimes we have a poster who expresses extreme worry/anxiety. I know I have on occassion, and it is in fact clear that almost all of us have "those special moments" waiting for test results, etc.

I really resent when people just say "don't worry" and "relax."

Seriously? Are you kidding me? Really? How about telling the poster something he doesn't know?

The whole purpose of relaying such anxiety concerns is that you KNOW you are having difficulty letting go of the worry/anxiety.

Someone posted their honest view that their worry was so out of control that they felt screwed either way with an upcoming biopsy. What if it is negative and yet your PSA is rising? Did it miss something? Frankly, I bet most of us who were about to have a biopsy had the exact same worry.

So, please don't just say "don't worry" and "relax."
A more helpful response is to perhaps make suggestions on how to defuse such a situation.

I have no answers, other than perhaps finding things to do that divert your attention. For me, it's work, doing a job that I truly love and enjoy. I don't think of PC when I am at work. Also, going to the gym works. The problem for me personally is that I sometimes get depressed along with the anxiety and then I don't go to the gym for maybe a month, despite the fact that the gym does help get me out of the doldrums.

Incidentally, I find just posting on HW to be therapeutic.

Then, of course, we have a few who say they never worry. That's great, but it would be nice to offer some insight into why that is true. I suspect that might be more difficult to answer.
But, above all, I suspect these emotional responses are just built into our DNA. We are hard-wired that way. But I know there are things we can do to help fight those bad emotions. Please don't just tell folks to relax.

You might as well tell a kleptomaniac to not steal or an alcoholic to not drink.

Sometimes, simple is better, but not this time!



Mel

Mel,

Relax.

Just had to say that....only kidding with you and I get what your saying.

Mel, Now I'm worried!  I probably should be worrying more than I am, and I'm just not seeing it.  I'll work on that.

Seriously, you're certainly correct that it's difficult to convince someone who's plagued with anxiety that they should be at ease.  Probably just about as difficult as finding words of comfort for a bereaved person.

Post Edited (clocknut) : 11/2/2014 11:17:09 AM (GMT-7)

Mel,

Hey! Don't enjoy the responses too much! Remember Sunday and Monday are your worrying days. Save the enjoyment (and leftover Halloween candy) for Tuesday when I've got your worries covered.

Jeff

<----- see my name? It wasn't random either!

Actually, I am more worried now that Mr. is on HT vacation. Anxious to see what his blood work will look like in the coming months.

<----changing name to "Worried about Warrior." :)

As the person referred to in the original post, I would just like to say......the day I stop worrying, is the day I will really be worried.

Seriously though, I think it's natural for some people to react to a worrier with facts, as Andrew said, and for others it's just a reflex to try to say something like "calm down, don't worry about what you can't control" all understandable,

But Mel is right, when you run into a long term habitual worrier, who has a health issue, telling them not to worry is pretty much a waste of energy to no useful end.

I don't worry because my husband isn't and never has been a worrier. It is a remarkable thing to experience. As my first husband worried about everything and he didn't have a stage 4 cancer.
I think we don't worry because we know whatever happens, we will handle it together. And we have planned a financial future that gives him 10 years tops. Spending money like crazy is kind of fun.
And having gone through the deaths of all 4 of our parents, we know worrying will just strip the joy out of today. And we are all about the today these days.

While I am enjoying the lighthearted responses, those who don't worry are relatively rare birds!

My suggestion is merely that saying "don't worry" accomplishes nothing and might even be counter-productive, unless additional suggestions are made on how to reduce worry/anxiety.

Ok, that dead horse has been beaten enough!

Mel

And if all else fail - HW has a very active section:

Anxiety - Panic Disorders
www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=9

Change is difficult for most people and reaction to a major life life changing event such as a personal loss, or cancer DX follows a predictable course for everyone. Gathering information about your circumstances and developing a plan is the best method to move through the change cycle to get to the point where you accept the change and adapt..
Everyone goes through the same cycle, the only difference is the time necessary to cycle through it.

Not a PC patient, but I feel qualified to offer an opinion because I am an experienced worrier, especially when it comes to my loved ones: parents, children, hubby. It truly is amazing how sickly worried a person can get over relatively minor issues in life, and how others stride through hell with only a contour of worry in the distance of their minds, and in my mind they are all heros. It is part of human nature, and some are just better equipped to handle it. I attempted never to give similar advice here or anywhere else because of the obvious inefficiency of the phrase, in line with "don´t smoke/drink/eat sweets", for one. But, as you say Mel, to add to this phrase, a suggestion, would be better. My suggestion would be to replace it -the worry - with something else. It cannot be defeated but replaced or even turned into a motivator. I have learned this in the last few years. For some it is sports, work, hobby or a combination. For me it is faith that I will give my dammnest, and beyond that I have no control, and it is good so. The responsibility is then transferred to the CEO of AllLife.

I have always thought that folks who exhibited worry , know that worrying does no good and probably harm. They are sharing their worry in the hopes, that others, who surely worry, but have gotten some sort of handle on it, will chime in with words of comfort and grace, hopefully achieving some peace in the process. As an aside, my pet peeve on the forum, is the term, " Im just wired that way" Thats as bleak a phrase as I have heard here. A human being that actually believes their wiring can not be changed. If that were true, we are truly " doomed " All those pretty colors you see in a brain mri are effects, interpreted as cause, by some. Its very possible this is only true for those who BELIEVE that, as the obverse is true for those who don't. Given a choice { the binary nature of life is by definition choice}, I opt for life/freedom.