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Five stages of grief

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Posted 7/9/2015 3:28 PM (GMT 0)
Five stages of grief 1 denial 2 anger 3 barganing 4 depression 5 acceptance. For over 6 years I have been doing number 5 I accepted I have cancer / treatments/ changes in life/ the list goes on and on and on.  I have gone back to number two many times. How can you not have number 4 most of the time.  Where are you today on this list and how is the acceptance part going?
Posted 7/9/2015 4:49 PM (GMT 0)
How you handle it depends on who you are. I'm an Eeyore and wish I was a Tigger.

Not everyone follows the same path. And yes, you go back and forth on the path, it's not a straight walk. It's been over 2 years now, and I still can't believe I have cancer; yet I often imagine how I'm going to die from it.

A nurse, who knew I wasn't handling my diagnosis well, hooked me up with a terminal patient with brain cancer. She told me she felt "lucky."

"Come again?" I asked. She then told me about all the lucky things that had happened to her in the years after she fell to the ground and learned she had a malignant brain tumor: A paramedic nearby, a doctor who knew a surgeon at NIH where a new treatment was being tested, a job she could retire from, a supportive husband, grown children and grandchildren to visit, then a remission.

"Change your perspective," was her advice to me.

It was great advice, and it worked for a few days, but then I went back to being an Eeyore.

Since then, I've found other things to cheer me up, but they only last (at most) two weeks. That winner was the belief I had a chronic illness: when one treatment failed, they'd have another treatment to try. I would let the doctors worry about the next treatment. That made me feel better until I read a book about cancer, that set out my probability for living five years - a lot lower than I expected.

I find talking to people lifts my spirits. All my friends, neighbors, and colleagues at work, know I have cancer. And they haven't shunned me. But I find that reading articles about prostate cancer treatments depresses me. However, sometimes "Science Daily Prostate Cancer News" gives me hope.

We are not in the same boat, but I may be there in five years. Experiment. Find out what makes you happy, and then do it, even if it's only a temporary reprieve.

The most recent hope is Dr. Eugene Kwon's talk at the 2014 PCRI conference:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkqizmvqJPo
Posted 7/9/2015 5:04 PM (GMT 0)
I waffle back and forth between 4 & 5. Most days I am a 5 unless someone brings it up and I start thinking about the time stamp on my back. Not working has had additional depressive setbacks. No longer am I able to provide support for my family and could not find any work whatsoever. Fortunately, I was recently approved for disability. Less than a third than what I was making before but better than nothing. Then my wife's company was absorbed into another that created a significant bump and we may just be okay. That was uplifting enough to carry me. I have kept myself busy helping others where I can and try to keep active socially and in support groups. All of these things help so much and help to keep your mind from dwelling on the diagnosis. Just keep busy.
Take care.
Posted 7/9/2015 5:35 PM (GMT 0)
I've moved on to stage 6 - writing poetry about the other five stages...
Posted 7/9/2015 5:47 PM (GMT 0)
I am with Andrew. My number 6 is and has been for many years, "Every Day is A Bonus" and my job is to choke the life out of each one while finding joy in every day.

I honestly didn't spend much time in any of the other 5.

I just stay on top of this crap and give it the attention it requires when it is time. I have no doubt at some point it will kill me, but I am not going to give it any other appreciable amount of time til then.

Sonny
Posted 7/9/2015 6:26 PM (GMT 0)
Here's a candidate for another stage number 6: spending time right here on the HW Prostate Cancer Forum, where such great information and support is so readily available 24/7.
Posted 7/9/2015 6:33 PM (GMT 0)
Five stages of grief 1 denial 2 anger 3 bargaining 4 depression 5 acceptance.

Yep, the Kübler-Ross Model, out of "On Death and Dying." They noted that the stages are not a complete list of all possible emotions, and also that they can occur in any order, and that not everyone necessarily feels all five of the responses.

For me, I pretty much went in order 1, 2, (didn't do 3), 4 (very briefly), 5 - and, I might add in pretty quick succession. From there I immediately went to 6 learn and then have settled in at 7 kick its @$$ and don't look back.
Posted 7/9/2015 8:34 PM (GMT 0)
I'm way more concerned about some idiot with a cell phone crashing into me on the highway than I am about cancer.

Doesn't that cheer everyone up yeah
Posted 7/9/2015 10:08 PM (GMT 0)
Expect bad things, (eg a rise in PSA) to happen and, if they DO NOT happen be HAPPY; if they DO happen, be HAPPY because you expected them! (With apologies to Seneca a Stoic philosopher)

Bad things like Steve's cell-phone death bullet on the highway; Sonny's expectation that this could be his last day; Almost 10 expected nothing and got a 1/3; and ksargent expected neighbors to shun him. Expect the bad things and when they do not happen be thankful and be happy.
.
Posted 7/9/2015 10:38 PM (GMT 0)
There should be another stage, called fear. I would go back and forth between acceptance most of the time, and fear, when PSA time comes.
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