Fear creeping in...unsual for me

dmlvt - thanks, part of the problem of this late anxiety, is that I have been through this several times before. I was 5 years younger and stronger than currently last time I had such a major surgery. I know the entire routine, sometimes, its better to be in the bliss of ignorance. I know exactly what's going to happen, just don't know the outcome or what the surgeons will find in the end.

81 - good analogy on the war part, however, and sure you will remember. I was only 18 at that time, and thought I was invincible and would live forever, war or no war. Our planes were unarmed, which added to the risk, however, only 2 were known to have been shot down during the Viet-Nam War, which was surprising considering their relative slow speed (4 engine turbo prop). I never gave it much serious thought at the time. Was too busy. We went out 7 days a week, there was no weekend or day off during my time in the squadron. one day blended into the next and the next. what was unnerving, was seeing the endless filled body bags and sometimes caskets, stacked up like cordwood at times. we all knew what that meant, but you kept putting it to the back of your mind, thinking, it wasn't me, it was someone else. that "someone else" only became something, if you actually knew the person(s). a bud of mine, same high school graduation, went to boot together, literally died within the first 4 hours upon arriving in nam. was just getting settled into the incoming quarters, and a stray single mortar shell randomly hit the part where he was laying down. the entire time we were in boot camp, all he talked about was going to nam. sorry, kind of got off topic here.

thanks to all the others that have responded. today I was busy all day long, which helped. tomorrow, may be tougher, as I have to stay home, not eat, and start the unpleasant "prep" part. will be much harder to put this out of my mind.

despite my thoughts and fears, no part of me is wanting to abort this, I need it, it just may help me in the long-term, the alternative of not doing it fears me more than doing it.

We're all pulling for you.

Dear David, how I hate this for you. Though we have not met we were in the Navy together, we rode Triumph motorcycles together, we were married to our great loves, and we had prostate cancer together. (Please notice that we were not married together!) Your trials and tribulations cause me to weep.

David, I am not a believer in religion, but from the depth of my person and from the fulness of my heart, I wish the best for you. If only we could just for a moment be young and fearless and riding our wonderful bikes without a care and fearless. All in our future and all is possible.

Fear is a reasonable thing for you to experience at this time. I would be frightened fartless. (Attempt at humor in the face of fear.)

Keep Your Mach Up. Don't let the ******s wear you down. ---- ---- and the horse they rode in on.

Your are a great guy and I love and respect you.

Bill

David - You have been a beam of light for me on this thread. Seeing everything you have been going through makes my case seem so trivial, although I know it is serious. I suppose you have had or may be having your surgery now and I am praying all goes well. Keep us posted.

To all the contributors to this thread, thank yo all for taking the time to share your stories. I will be having this RALP procedure in early November I think depending on how my Cardio evaluates my CABG of 2013. Chose RALP over radiation as seems the best for me right now. Depending on God to carry me through whatever I face.

God bless one and all as we travel this journey we didn't choose but know we are stronger due to those that have gone before. us.

Texan - I never think anyone's PC journey is trivial. Each man has their own unique battle and issues. Sure you have your own that you have to deal with. Thanks for writing.

Pastor Bill, I did happen to see what was posted prior to the editing. Thank you, appreciated.
===============================
In the midst of the "prep" portion, we all know what that means. I may lurk a little more later today, but will not be posting or adding to this, until I am on the "other side".

At the bottom line, my fears and anxieties about this surgery/recovery are being trumped by the thought that this ordeal may very well relieve me of at least some of the constant pain and my lack of appetite, which has been going on for nearly 19 months (hard to believe). The hope, no matter how small, that we can reverse this trend, is giving me the courage to move ahead. I am no strong guy or martyr, trust me, there's a part of me that would love to pick up the phone, call off the surgery, and simply take my chances. A major elective surgery, as opposed to an accident or emergency, is always a little bit harder to settle in one's head. Because I had to consent to this surgery on my own, no one is making me do it.

I wish each member and supporting family members, the very best in your own journey's and battles. There is never anything "easy" about fighting cancer. Does lots of mental and emotional collateral damage along the way, very aware of that. And at the end of the day, how one deals with his own unique cancer, is so very personal and subjective at best.

Hopefully, 24 hours from now, I will be well doped up, resting in a hospital bed, with the surgery behind me. That is my next goal. Have gotten all my affairs and finances lined up like ducks.

Until next time, peace to one and all.

David aka Purgatory

All The best David.

For David's many friends and supporters here at Healing Well, I will be posting updates from him or his wife after his surgery. I know we all will be anxious to hear and wish/hope/pray for a successful surgery that solves many of the problems he has been dealing with for several years now, and a quick recovery.
Thank you all for the support you continue to give him and others here.

Sending well wishes and prayers your way. You will be in my thoughts today.Beth

Just thinking about you David. Is it done? I hope it is and I hope you are having a good recovery already!

Hope your surgery went well and recovery is smooth - anyone heard yet?

Worried,
Thanks for letting us know....even if you don't know anything yet. Like many others I have been wondering how David is doing and have been checking in frequently yesterday and today hoping to hear some good news.

anxiously waiting to hear. all the best to you, david.
may you have a short and eventless recovery and a long and eventful life.
aloha, viv and harold