Any guys feel emasculated after surgery?

I'm not very well qualified to comment as I'm not in the club yet and continue to pray as I go through the 'process' that I won't be... but this thought/fear keeps creeping into my mind during my darker hours so I will be reading the replies that your question prompts very carefully.

My emotions are all over the place at the moment and I have found a few things that help me back into the light...

Surprisingly, sharing new places (travel), sunsets, and even just the smell of fresh cut grass with my wife, remind me that our relationship is way more than just physical. Nature is a great 'grounder'.

I have my own small business with two partners, I'm focused on building that into something really great; because that's what a real man would do.

I've long had the idea to write a funny book about my bizarre horse-life; the PCa prospect has given me the focus to write it - it gave me the counterpoint it needed; a bitter-sweet tension. This book will help other people when I finish it because that's what real men do.

...and of course coming here.

I can't really be much help, I only see the tip of the iceberg you describe but I know that many here are much wiser than I.

Paul

After almost 3 years of androgen deprivation therapy I am used to being neutered/neutral. No, I do not enjoy it. My wife is "doing the do" and hanging in there. Since she has gone through the the 'pause, her reactions to my lack of sexuality are varied. I hope to regain some degree of sexuality eventually, though it has been a year since the last hit of Eligard and I still got nada. :(

I don't know if I would use the word emasculated, but I do feel that events of the past couple years have reminded me very well of my mortality.

I seem to have the PCa beast at bay, for now at least, but the adverse effects on my sex life remain very real. I am still using Cialis, which doesn't really bother me, but the quality of orgasm is far from the same. It never will be again and I find that depressing (although I am not clinically depressed).

Then, a bout with a second cancer this year really took its toll on me. I lost almost 60 pounds this year due to appetite problems and anemia caused by a large liposarcoma in my abdomen. My fitness level has plummeted over the past few months. I do a lot of CrossFit, but I prefer the heavy lifting side of CrossFit. My muscle mass is way down and my strength is just gone. I was still setting lifetime bests in some lifts as recently as February, and then things started to go downhill. At only 3 weeks post-op from major open abdominal surgery, I'm probably 1-2 months away from touching a barbell. I can go for walks now, and I'm hoping I can ride an exercise bike and jog a bit soon. Then maybe the rower, and hopefully I'll get some barbell work done before ski season.

I've been a ski instructor for the past 15 years, and I am heading into winter in the worst physical shape I've been in for the past 30 years. I'm considering taking a season off to just get myself back in shape.

So, it's not all PCa, but I feel like a shell of myself in some ways. Everyone else seems optimistic that I'll get everything back once I can train hard, but I feel like I'm so far away from where I want to be. Never before in my life have I been in a situation where I've wanted to gain weight. Of the 60 pounds I lost, a lot of it was unwanted fat, but a lot was muscle that I'd worked hard to gain.

So, the PCa stole some of my sexuality from me. While the quality of orgasms had been declining a bit with age, the precipitous drop from losing my prostate is tough to deal with. Then, the physical fitness decline from the latest issue is just another blow.

If I can avoid a recurrence of the liposarcoma (it has a very strong tendency to recur, requiring additional surgeries), and get myself back in the gym, I'm hopeful that I'll regain a lot of what I've lost. But, even with my testosterone supplementation, losing what I have lost in the gym, at my age, is going to be a challenge to recover.


Damon

I think the question really is how can we separate the effects of prostate cancer treatment from what goes in the normal aging process. Not having that endless energy of a teenager is a normal part of getting older. My mind remembers and often lives in those more energetic days but my body says "forget it - that was 50 years ago."

THANKS FOR EVERYONES INPUT

alephnull said...
I'll say it, I for all intents and purposes am a eunuch.
But because I'm on HT, at this point I don't care.
In a year after I've gone on my HT vacation and my testosterone starts to recover I may have another opinion.

I second the notion of being a eunuch, 3yrs of ADT2 is getting old ,hope to someday get a HT vacation.

I'm a year post op tomorrow, and I'm grateful for the zeros I've received since, but I'd be lying if I didn't say not having the intimacy aspect with my wife has left a empty feeling. As shallow as it seems, at times it's depressing. I've noticed that I get angry much easier, which often times translates into regret later. Some of this has stemmed from my own frustration, but regardless this has had more negative effects on my marriage than the sexual side of things. My wife has been very understanding, (mostly 8-), and while I have regained a lot of what has been gone for twelve months now, I'm still not 100% back.

As someone who has come out on the other side with everything functioning, what I can say is that it is different. I'm going to get a testosterone level run later this month as part of my annual general physical. What I do find is that even though things function correctly, the level of interest is definitely waning.

I can look at an attractive lady with a sort of detached academic interest, which really does feel weird. I've remarked to my wife that sometimes I feel like the dog that finally caught the car..now what do I DO with it?

How much is aging and how much is PC and it's aftermath? Who knows? I know for sure that I'm not 18 anymore.

Damon, no worries (rambling) sounds like you and your wife have had a few incredibly tough years. I really hope things get better.

Emasculated? Yes, a bit.

I lost a full inch of erect size (due to non-curving Peyronie's that developed after surgery), and significantly diminished ability to achieve orgasm. I realize that neither of those are directly related to my PCa or my surgery, but still a "downer" - especially at 41 years old.

I keep things in perspective: I traded 1" of my penis and good orgasms in return for being cancer-free. I'll take that trade again anytime.

Oh, and my wife and I added some new things to our bedroom repertoire that helps keep things fun.

Gedman

Hi John,
I had surgery just a few months before you and I get it... The first 1.5 years after surgery were tough and I guess still are... While I healed physically, I am still not 100% recovered mentally.

No more spontaneous sex, no more baby batter, quality of orgasm has never really recovered until recently. about 6 months after surgery My wife would sing a song from Kid Rock, that had the lyrics about "paint my wife white" Well darn it, I want to paint my wife white and I cant anymore. So yes, I feel less of a man now.

Its a tough road to recovery, I have regrets that I rushed to treatment, I could have waited a few more months and I should have.

I'm a man but a damaged one now, PC has taken its toll mentally and physically. I understand why I read it takes two years to heal from the surgery. Some is healing and some is forgetting how things were and accepting how things are.

Rambling over

Pat

I find that using power tools often helps compensate.

Big noisy dust producing power tools.

Just remember that sawdust is man glitter...

Andrew