Advice on improving orgasm after prostatectomy, with or without erection?

This is my first post, but I've been lurking for a while. My husband had RP (radical prostatectomy) about two years ago. Thank god, still cancer free.

Let me say off the bat that he is able to get erections, though a bit weaker than before, and we are very thankful for that.

However, orgasms seem to be a completely underwhelming experience for him. He's a trooper and does his best to satisfy my physical needs, but with his physical needs unmet it lessens my overall pleasure as well.

What have people tried (and hopefully succeeded with) to improve the overall experience of making love, and specifically to increase orgasm quality? I throw this out to both those who can and cannot maintain erections, as I understand orgasm can occur in either case.

Has anyone tried tantric sex? My understanding is that the whole point is to achieve sexual fulfillment without orgasm, which i would think would apply to anyone here. But I've had a tough time finding advice or info on the subject.

If you've tried tantra or succeeded in improving orgasm in other ways, what has your experience been? Did you use a book, go to a class, use a game? We are starting counseling, but I'm looking to be as proactive as possible.

Again, we are both very grateful for the outcome of the RP: that he is cancer free, is able to get erections and that we have a strong and loving relationship. But I am looking for information beyond that, so I humbly request that people refrain from posting "that's great, be thankful" replies. I'm not sure how to say that without sounding offensive, but I assure its not my intent. Even though many people have far worse outcomes, this is /his/ experience. I would just like to honor that and improve it in any way that I can, and find support from folks who have addressed this particular hurdle.

My thanks,

Wife of a survivor

My "quality" has changed over the past few years since surgery.... Seems like I've been all over the map.

One thing that hasn't changed is frequency. Once a week is better for me than 2 or more times a week.

Juliana,

Let me start by emphasizing that I do not practice Tantra. I have, however, done a (small) amount of reading on the subject. Tantra is not, contrary to popular opinion, about sex. It is a Yoga practice or system, and is ultimately, as I understand, about breath control and calming one's inner self.

Might it be useful for your and your husband's situation? Maybe. It's worth trying to find a teacher who can help you. Just be cautious and be prepared to wander into some religious practices that are extremely foreign to us westerners.

Welcome to HW.

Good news on the PC side, not so good on the other. Sadly RP changes a man's body and sometimes it never completely comes back to what it was. Likely you've heard us say, normal changes.

I can only offer a couple of suggestions: practice. Things might change the more you do. Focus on intimacy. While he might get less pleasure out the physical act, a shift of focus might help. Being together, being emotionally close, etc might be the way. I've never tried tantric practice, but from what little I've read, if you both work that path it's got to be helpful.

Andrew

I'm at 6 years. Total ED. Both nerve bundles removed. I've used pump, pills, injections and even tried all three at once. I have venous leakage and deflate faster than a 401k account after a divorce.
We have decided rather than working on both of us achieving the theoretical ultimate simultaneous orgasm we simply take turns.
This one is for me. Tomorrow is your turn. Easy.
I have the best orgasms when I am totally flaccid. I get very little pleasure out of injections or VED and constriction ring action that hurts and turns me purple.
So.... we just stopped trying to make it be like it was.
Father's day is coming up. I'll bet quite few guys will be orgasming. Maybe your hubby will too.

My experience. I had the RP too. Full nerve-sparing. Dr gave me Viagra which I started about a week before the operation. Last pre-op orgasm, two days before the operation. Goodbye ejaculations..

I had my first erection and orgasm through ********** nine days after the operation. (I am single so that's my only option.) I didn't worry about sex after that, but to be sure, I practice. My sex drive would disappear for long periods of time (weeks) but I chalk that up just as much to getting older as the change. I'm 60 now.

Orgasms are different, no question about it. I miss ejaculating as the main event. I sometimes ejaculate urine and that's ok but I miss the quantity and the feel of it going through that one has before the operation. I have had mind-blowing orgasms after the operation, some of the best were soon after, so that's good. It can be done.

When I feel like I'm losing interest, I *********. I don't know if my lack of interest is due more to getting older or the operation so as long as ********** works, I have no complaints. It isn't the same but it feels good.

Hope this helps.

I've written extensively about my whole experience with this. You can read it here: http://myexperiencewithprostatecancer.blogspot.com
There are tags for post-op sexuality as well as impotence and other concerns (incontinence and that curse, the mess that is the administrative side of medicine and billing...)

Cheers,

John

PS I see they edit out a certain word. That word is what one does when one has sex by one's self.

Post Edited (lipwak) : 5/28/2015 9:32:40 AM (GMT-6)

julianabr,

Everybody is different after undergoing surgery since no two surgeries are alike. For me, my orgasms feel pretty much the same except no ejaculate, (except for pre-ejaculatory fluid.) I do find that it does take a little more work to reach orgasm, and I am able to have multiple orgasms far easier then before surgery.

Many years ago I took a Human Sexuality course as an undergrad, and I remember one of the instructors mentioned that to increase the orgasm the women should bring the man to the point right before orgasm, wait a minute, and then repeat the process several times. After doing this a few times the final orgasm should be stronger and more pleasurable.

BTW, this supposedly works for women too.

I had a cystoprostectomy on January 25th (2015). I had bladder cancer and needed to have my bladder removed however the prostate is also removed as SOP when the bladder is removed. My Dr. used nerve sparing techniques.

I was 64 when the surgery was done (65 now) and never had a problem getting an erection. No erection after 6 months however I'm working on it.

Thankfully I can still orgasm. I was really worried that I'd lose the ability to orgasm but I was giving myself orgasms within 3 weeks of the procedure. At first there was some post orgasm "aches" in my pelvic floor but now I'm all healed. It is odd but even though I can't get erect, I feel aroused all of the time. My wife can make me orgasm by fellating me but it takes a lot of work. I can make myself climax with the help of a vibrator however it is better stimulating myself slowly. My best orgasms are when I force myself to relax and focus on how my sex nerves feel. It takes some effort but I start to feel the most wonderful sensations traveling up my legs into my pelvis and the up my penis. It can take as long as 30 minutes and then I will be rocked by contractions in my pelvic floor and penis. These sometimes make me jerk. Much different from when I could ejaculate. I think these long slow orgasms are more like what a woman experiences. The orgasms are better and quicker if I wait several days instead of trying to have one every day.

I think one of the reasons I enjoy these new orgasms so much is that pre-surgery, climax had become painful. I had some bladder cancer that had gotten into my prostate. Now I'm cancer free, at least for a while.

Hi Juliana,

IMHO

I'm a bit over 6 years out from RRP. I didn't get a decent erection after trying all drugs, after surgery, until I tried Trimix a few times...and ended up in the ER for priapism. I think the Trimix got things started and I'm now good with less than 5 mG of Levitra when feeling amorous, which is always...often no Levitra (that stuff works good for me, but I hate the SE's).

As far as the orgasms go...they are not as good as before surgery. Lot's of guys say theirs are the same or better, not mine. In my case, an orgasm always felt better with an erection.

I don't want to offend anyone, but, all I can say is having sex now after surgery is like eating chinese food...an hour later I'm downright horny again.

The "O" is not the same level of satisfaction, not the same sense of release...from some men's perspective...that is important.

So, here I am at 60 years old. Frisky as ever, fit...and still looking for a solution. Another poster said something to the effect that frequency helps. I would agree with that.

If you find something that works good for you both, let me know. I'm still searching.

Just IMHO

Worried Guy said...
So? Today is Father's Day. Does anyone have any orgasmic plans for this evening?


BillyBob
Both nerves were taken because according to the surgeon, "I had to cut wide to get it all." Yes, I was a G7, but I had a PSA of 23, and my biopsy showed 7/12 cores with up to 70% involvement I also had PNI, and EPEs.
I took a gamble on surgery. My PSA is still zero so in that regard I won. The side effects on the other hand... um... not the best.
At least I can orgasm and still enjoy it. Whew.
Jeff

I don't have any orgasmic plans for any evening.

Re: "both nerves",OK, that explains it. I understand about the "cut wide" approach, as with my G9 I was told going in he would have to do that. I was also told up front that perm ED would most likely result, but not really a problem because I could just inject. I find that last part(no problem) quite optimistic to say the least. Oh well, it is what it is, you pays your money and you takes your chances.