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Caregivers Corner, Treatments for Advanced Disease, Results, Side Effects, etc. (Part 6)

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Prostate Cancer
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Posted Yesterday 3:39 AM (GMT 0)
Antonia just thinking of you lots today 💙 XOXO So glad you are going to be surrounded by love from your family. Cathy my thoughts have been with you as well . My deepest sorrow to you both 💙 XOXO
Posted Yesterday 4:00 AM (GMT 0)
Nepol, I missed your post up there. Thank you so much for taking the time to post.
Posted Yesterday 4:59 AM (GMT 0)
Nepol, thank you for your comment means a lot to me-us, more than you know.

Sue, you of all people have gone through the hardship and loss, thank you sincerely.

Antonia, (moon). I hear you, it's been difficult for me I can't even begin to sort through his belongings, what a difficult week.

To all, Love each and everyone of you.

Cathy (enjoylife)
Posted Yesterday 5:12 AM (GMT 0)
Oh Moon, I'm so sorry to hear about Don's passing. May your memories of good times and an enduring love bring you comfort in this difficult time. My thoughts and prayers go out to you,
Renee
Posted Yesterday 5:13 AM (GMT 0)
Cathy, So awful for you. I wish I could take away some of the pain. I cannot touch anything of his without being overcome with sadness. Also, I am having panic attacks. It is OK with my UK family here in the house, but what when they have left? I don't want to turn to prescription drugs. It's all so overwhelming. Love to all.
Posted Yesterday 5:16 AM (GMT 0)
Antonia,

Sorry to hear that Don has passed. He was lucky to have you fighting like a tigress at his side as he faced down the beast.
Posted Yesterday 6:40 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you B. I didn't expect the sudden and rapid decline. I am lost and am so thankful for my family. The nights are unimaginably painful.
Posted Yesterday 8:04 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Moon, I just wanted you to know that we are thinking of you. I am so glad to know that your family is gathering and will be looking after you. xo Suzanne (& George)
Posted Yesterday 9:29 PM (GMT 0)
Cathy take your time ; There is no set time to go through things .Dave had alot of clothes! Uwear I threw out the 2 nd or 3rd week .there were new pants and shirts I gave to his best freind . everything else is as it was . I know I will eventually deal with it all. Everything in its time and place! I didn't want family to come and just deal with everything. One day I will go through what I know my son In law will like the rest I will donate to charity .. it has been 3 months today since I lost Dave .Could have been just yesterday...all in time. Give yourself the luxury of greif, because I know any wife or partner caring for some one hasn't had any time or thoughts to do anything for themselves.This is time just for you to put yourself first.Those of you who have worked and have cared for you husband I still hold you in the highest of respect and regard. I don't know how you have or continue to do it all.! Hugs to you all and much Love XOXO 💙 💙 💙
Posted Today 1:50 AM (GMT 0)
Sue,

Your words are spot on and comforting. I just stare at his things, I know I have to get to it, but like you mentioned it's all in time. Hard to believe that Dave has been gone 3 months now. Are you holding up okay? I don't know where I'd be if it weren't for family and friends. This forum has been a great resource and support for me and others.

Thanks so much, hugs to you and all.

Cathy (enjoylife)
Posted Today 5:13 AM (GMT 0)
Suzanne, thank you for your kindness.
Sue I can't believe that Dave has been "gone" for three months. I cannot imagine going through my guy's things and getting rid of them. Just horrible. So much sadness but we must be strong as I am quite sure our guys are with us somehow and wanting us to not be unhappy....at least I hope it is this way. xoxox
Posted Today 6:17 AM (GMT 0)
Even though there are so many here that are no longer in the battle against PCa, the fight to overcome the grief and deal with the loss of a life partner continues. I am so thankful many who have lost their loved one are still posting,and I hope we all still get together at Kukukajoo's uncle's place in the summer to meet and continue to support one another. You gals here have become dear friends of mine. I hope Carol is still checking in occasionally. Think of her often and wonder how she is.
Beth
Posted Today 1:54 PM (GMT 0)
Dear Cathy and Antonia:

I've been away and just learned of your terrible losses. I'm so sorry and hope you know how much your husbands must have been comforted by your love and care. My sincerest condolences and my prayers are with you and your families.

Jim
Posted Today 2:38 PM (GMT 0)
Ladies....

I always feel a bit like I'm eavesdropping or interrupting when reading/posting in this thread....but I just wanted to express my heart felt condolences to those recent losses. You ladies are truly amazing, to see people performing selfless acts fueled by love is truly amazing and noble.

May all of you find peace as you continue your journeys.

I am in awe at the strength and compassion you have all shown....may God bless you all.

Jordan
Posted 12/2/2015 2:49 PM (GMT 0)
Jordan, thank you for your kind words. Very much hoping all goes well for you. Looks like the meds are working!
Posted 12/2/2015 3:51 PM (GMT 0)
Antonia and Cathy you have been in my thoughts the last few days. I know the million feelings and emotions you are going through. There is absolutely nothing in this world harder than losing our life partner. Last night for the first time since Dave passed I did atain sleep that I remember dreaming of him. Of course in the dream he was reminding to not forget something! I will be honest it is not a easy place to be and it so far for me hasn't been any better. While it has been the 3 months since that horrible day that Dave died it seems like yesterday and yet at the same time so long with out him . I guess it never makes any sense. Time does strange things.
All I know is take the time for yourselves try to unstress.Hugs and loving thoughts are being sent to you XOXO 💙 💙 💙 Sue
Posted 12/2/2015 4:14 PM (GMT 0)
Sue, my friend who lost her husband to cancer two-and-a-half months ago says exactly the same. I keep reliving his last hours and wondering, wondering. The night before, he ate a full dinner (just to please me maybe) and his legs were stronger. He was planning a trip in January and was scheduling various trades to finish our house. He had no pain and his eyes were bright. None of it makes any sense to me. The doctor said that cachexia was the actual cause. I guess that is true.

With my sister here, there is a lot of visiting the sights, etc. and talking. Even laughing, but I have no idea how I will feel when they leave December 20. Am I grieving properly (I am crying a lot) and will it all feel even worse a few weeks or months from now? So many questions. So few answers. All I know is that I loved him to pieces and he me. We wanted to grow old together. I have to move as well as I cannot afford this house and we were planning a move in the spring, so all the memories we made here will be distant. It is all so terribly sad. Hugs to Cathy and you and to all. xoxox

Post Edited (Moonlitnight) : 12/3/2015 12:02:08 AM (GMT-7)

Posted 12/3/2015 5:14 AM (GMT 0)
Oh so quiet, sitting here, grieving with you three. And feeling a little grim myself tonight. Nick's PSA jumped to 4 after a 7-month HT holiday. Doc sez, go on the cruise and we will do another blood test in January. Then probably some more scans to see what is going on with the mets and a return to lupron and Casodex and hope it keeps working!
Following your journeys here, my healingwell friends, is so painfully enlightening. So important to grab every moment and be IN whatever moment you are in. Antonia and Cathy and Sue, thank you for showing how to gracefully and bravely go down this horribly rocky Advanced PC path.
Going off the grid until January 8th. Take care of yourselves.
Posted 12/3/2015 8:02 PM (GMT 0)
Gary is having his last chemo infusion today. He will begin a rerun of xtandi as soon as we get insurance approval and it arrives by mail order. Last time this process took quite awhile and then the medonc didn't leave him on it after two consecutive rises in PSA, three weeks apart, because he didn't think it was working. Since then I have learned from this forum it takes time to kick in. I have been asking for xtandi to be added to his tx for two months or more, so now that we are finally getting it, I hope it has time to work. Gary's other blood work shows basically normal, so that's encouraging. Med onc said don't plan a funeral. We assured him we we're planning another AK cruise, not a funeral! nono
Posted 12/3/2015 11:34 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Ladies- just popping in because you all have been on my minds and I wanted to send out some love. No time to catch up- two term papers due and still not feeling the greatest myself but on the mend.

I found out I had Hashimotos Thyroiditis..... and my lupus is flaring. Also some weird GI sx but all in all can't complain.

I will have time after I get these last projects done as I will have a month off from school! I need it! Wishing I had time off from work, too!

I promise I will catch up soon!

PS- Paul's labs stable but had small pleural effusion and some bright spots on hip as well as new focus of micro nodules in same lung with effusion. Not sure what to think about it, they don't seem to be worried though..... Pain is huge problem and his gut issues.... But otherwise okay!
Posted 12/4/2015 4:35 PM (GMT 0)
I've started several posts to express support to Cathy, Antonia and Sue, but have struggled to find words that don't seem wholly inadequate. I'm so very sorry for what you've experienced and incredibly moved by the love, grace, courage and grit you've displayed in the fight against this horrible disease. Your love for your husbands shines through all of your words and actions and is so very beautiful.

This poem by Emily Dickinson finally came to mind.

Unable are the Loved to die
For Love is Immortality,
Nay, it is Deity—

Unable they that love to die
For Love reforms Vitality
Into Divinity.
Posted 12/4/2015 6:15 PM (GMT 0)
Cincy, thank you so much. I find your words and the poem comforting. I look for "signs" that he is here with me still but so far have experienced none. Maybe it just isn't the right time. I miss him so and keep reliving his last hours. I know it would be better to focus on a happier time but my thoughts are always drawn back to his beautiful, peaceful face.

There is so much to do as I have to move soon. There was not much in the kitty as he couldn't work in his new vocation, and the house was being renovated and is full of "stuff" in every room it seems. It is tough going through this, not only mentally, but physically as well. xxx
Posted 12/5/2015 3:04 AM (GMT 0)
"His beautiful, peaceful face" I believe you are drawn to that moment because you were able to witness it. That's an amazing gift I would wish for everyone - to see their loved one pass over in peace. It's no wonder you go back to that, Antonia.

The task that lies ahead of you is more than difficult and I wish I could help you in some way. I realize your family can't do it all but let them help where they can. It would help you & them.

Thinking of you, dear Antonia and holding you close,
Susan xx
Posted 12/7/2015 2:34 PM (GMT 0)
Cincy thank you for your thoughtfulnes and the words in the poem.i to had something written and then deleted it all. Some times the words just don't come or flow in the ways they should.
Antonia there just aren't words really to convey the turmoil for you with selling your house. It is a step that I feel sad for you having to do. The memories will always be yours no matter where you are. Its just after all you have been through it would have been so much better to have had at least a year with out having to make such changing decions.
My poor grandkids had to look again at death as Wed night their 10 year old white Scottie terrier Quinty passed very unexpectedly. He had not been sick or anything just that night couldn't jump up on the bed the way he usually did, Corbie thought maybe he had to go out and he had no problems going down stairs and coming back up stairs for bed but again couldn't get up on the bed.When she picked him up he licked her face and she said his tongue was as cold as ice. She wrapped him in a blanket and he basically was gone.The kids were shocked when they got up the next morning .I think so much for their ages to take in 8,7 and 4. They had a very hard time losing Dave (Poppa) and because Dave was so ill it was more explainable .This with Quinty just totally out of the blue.
I have been keeping busy , tackling my shopping list, decorating In and out the way Dave and I always did . Doing up Christmas cards and keeping life real and doing things that mean the most at this time of the year. Last week I bought some toys to put in the firehall drop off box. That actually gives me the real feeling of Christmas. To donate things to children who need that gift is the best of anything that you buy. My grandchildrdn like most end up with way to many gifts . I am sure they have no idea who bought them what by the time all is said and done.
It will be a very hard time of the year for all of us . Those of us who have lost our husbands, partners, freinds to this cancer and all of you battling on agaist it. Take care every one , Hugs 💙 XOXO Sue
Posted 12/7/2015 3:37 PM (GMT 0)
Antonia & Sue, I'm glad the poem provided a brief moment of comfort. Having to think about moving at this point just seems like too much, Antonia! Dealing with this loss - and right around the holidays - is more than enough to try to cope with right now. Wishing you strength, which I know you have in abundance. I admire the way you're keeping up your Christmas traditions, Sue.
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