Dear JPENN & Other Friends Reading Here,
This poses some interesting questions and thoughts for all of us to ponder. I have my own perspectives to share, based on my life experiences. We all have a story to share ... very few people know all the parts of this story, but I have decided to share it with all of you ... this is my story ... it is my life's path ... and life lessons I have learned since being diagnosed ...
I had a wonderful boyhood, growing up in a small Midwestern town. However, when I was a boy growing up in the 1970s, my grandfather died of metastatic prostate cancer. I do not believe there were any treatments offered to him in his particular case. This was before the days of the Lupron shots --- the Zytiga pills --- the Xtandi pills --- the chemo treatments --- none of those were available for my grandfather back in that time period. I was his oldest grandchild, we were very close, and I visited him every day until the end. I have wondered now which treatments of today MIGHT have helped my grandfather. As the years went by, I helped take care of other grandparents and great-grandparents, who died of cancer in my hometown. I miss them every single day, and was very close with all of them.
Twenty years ago, my father was suddenly diagnosed with acute leukemia. I spent 100 days in a row by my father's bedside at the hospital. As the oldest son, I was told many times by his doctors that he would not likely survive, and that I should be prepared for my mother to become a widow. Miraculously, my dad survived, and he is still with us twenty years later. Dad is a living miracle, saved by chemo treatments that ran continuously over the course of 100 days in the hospital. Just a few years ago, my father was then diagnosed with prostate cancer and he underwent successful surgery.
In 2013, when I was in my 40s, I was diagnosed with advanced stage prostate cancer and have been pursuing treatments ever since. In a strange twist of fate, my dad and I now share the same prostate cancer doctors. I realize I now represent the third generation of my family diagnosed with prostate cancer. My dad and I have an incredible understanding of each other because of a shared medical condition, and both of my parents are tremendous allies of mine in my treatments, supportive in every way imaginable.
After being diagnosed, I've had heart-to-heart talks with my younger brother, my six nephews, and my male cousins who grew up with me ... telling them they must be medically vigilant for the rest of their lives. Meaningful, important discussions ... I would encourage every prostate cancer patient to have those talks with their male family members ... find your VOICE, find the TIME, find the WORDS ...
I'm an elementary school teacher and in just the past few years, I've lost three of my very best friends and teaching colleagues to cancer in my school building. I teach in a smaller Midwestern town, and it was very unusual to lose three staff members from the same building in such a short amount of time --- I feel a keen sense of personal loss, as their friend. I had known these three women, all about
my same age, and taught right next door to them, for over 20 years. The loss felt in my school building by our staff and students was very heartfelt. For some of them, I gave their funeral eulogies, in a church filled with staff, students, and community members. Losing school teachers in the middle of a school year is emotionally very difficult. Shortly after their funerals, I was then diagnosed with prostate cancer. In some ways, I felt very alone at school, having just lost three close teaching friends to cancer. My diagnosis was very unexpected, because I had been in perfect health my entire life ...
I'm a very determined person and got started immediately on prostate cancer treatments, which have now included Lupron shots, Firmagon shots, Zoladex injections, a full series of Taxotere chemo treatments, Neulasta shots, Prolia shots, and now ZYTIGA.
The school kids that I had in my class the year I was diagnosed had just gone through the loss of some of their classroom teachers in the past year. My elementary school students, their parents, my colleagues, and all the community members were very worried about
me, of course. I've taught two generations of kids in this town, and I know every family in town. They were stunned that ANOTHER teacher here at my school could be diagnosed with cancer, in such quick succession --- and this time, it was me --- the teacher who hadn't taken a sick day in years and years. It was incredibly humbling to see the outpouring of support that I experienced ... their support for me has been unwavering ever since ... I feel very blessed every day in that regard.
I work very hard to schedule all my medical appointments after school, so that I don't miss any school time with my students. If I was gone a day, I discovered my students worried a great deal about
me. My doctors worked with me, and they continue to allow me the last medical appointment of the day so that I don't miss school very often. I'm grateful to my doctors for understanding. There are 500 school kids in my building --- I greet every single one of them every morning and my day begins and ends with high-fives, fist bumps, and hugs from the school kids who greet me every morning ---how great is that ?!! I feel incredibly blessed to still be teaching and to have all my energy intact.
I've taught three years since being diagnosed. My students all quietly know about
my diagnosis, but I work very hard to keep everything normal. I stay active, I volunteer, I work late, I eat healthy foods, I keep up with my family and friends and faith, I exercise --- and I'm out on the playground with my school kids every single day --- mud, snow, football, soccer, basketball ... all of it. For their sake, I strive every day to be the TEACHER I've always been, and NOT the "teacher who has cancer" ... even though that is now part of my life story.
These things listed above are the things that have kept depression at bay for me. I think that I have the usual level of worries, fears, and anxieties --- just as all of us cancer patients have, from time-to-time. Sure --- it's on the back of my mind during moments throughout the day --- I do have advanced prostate cancer, after all. Sure, I've had some tears at unexpected moments --- and many times, the tears can flow when I'm touched by something meaningful --- not tears of sadness. A good example of this would be when I read all the cards my school students wrote to me and placed on my desk for Christmas time ... those were some GOOD tears, I'm telling you !
Luckily, I have never been angry since my medical diagnosis, and I do feel that I have always had a quiet acceptance of my diagnosis. I have had to come to peace with the fact that with my diagnosis of metastatic prostate cancer, I will have to deal with this every single day to some degree, for the rest of my life. My treatments need to be ongoing for the rest of my life, and I hope new innovative treatments continue to emerge. I've also had to learn the important difference between having a cancer for which there are some treatments to pursue at the current time, compared to a cancer that can be cured. Facing an illness has taught me some incredible life lessons, in very unexpected and meaningful ways. I've been very determined to keep up with everything in my life, every single day. I think we all have days, though, when we have to work harder to keep our balance, and to stay on track ... I think this is all normal for the situation we face.
My doctor has told me that a high percentage of his advanced cancer patients are taking some form of anti-depression medication. He has told me that he will prescribe anti-depressants, if I am ever in need. My main doctor and I are very close, he can read me like a book, he includes me in all his medical decisions, and he has told me that if he ever sees any signs of depression, he will have a heart-to-heart conversation with me. That's reassuring, to know that he is watching out for me in that way. I have friends and family who would also have that conversation with me, and I also will reach out to family and friends, if I feel that I am ever in need of counseling or medication. I have very close friends and family members and work colleagues whom I can easily talk to ... so I am fortunate in that regard.
I guess that's ingrained in me from teaching school all these years --- learn to REACH OUT to others, but also SIGNAL to others, if you find yourself in need ! I do have prostate cancer friends who have needed --- and have benefited --- from counseling and medication. I admire them every day for seeking help !
As anyone in this same boat, I do have to consider what will happen as my medical treatments continue. My parents and most of my family members live back in my hometown, 100 miles away, so that is a concern for me, if my health situation changes. I'm the oldest child in my family, and it was always assumed that I would be the caretaker for my parents someday, which I was very willing to do. In the back of my mind, I've had to consider what will happen if I have to take a medical leave from work in the future. I've pursued several treatments that have helped me a great deal so far ... but I've had to consider what happens when those treatments are no longer effective ? I've had to consider what will happen to my students at school ... my friends ... my family members ... my parents ... and my dreams and aspirations that I had for my future years. Again, it's a life lesson in acceptance ... I didn't foresee this at my age, I have to admit ...
Despite those thoughts, I've worked very hard at striving to achieve new goals since I've been diagnosed. I've worked very hard on some charity projects that mean a lot to me. I've worked on a lot of volunteer projects for the community, the church, and the school that have been very close to my heart. The students in my school work together with me on several of my charity projects, including some projects that benefit children with cancer. In honor of my teaching friends that I've lost, my students and I have worked on projects that have raised over $35,000.00 for new books for our school library, in their honor. We've also planted trees and installed benches on the playground in their memory. I was going through chemo when we planted those memorial trees and I carried buckets of water to those newly planted trees at night, just to honor the friends that I had lost --- it helped me cope with the loss of my friends --- doing SOMETHING ! Life lesson learned ... get busy, and stay busy, as much as you can --- mentally and physically !
These are some of the things I've done to honor my teaching friends that I've lost to cancer ... and it's given me a positive way to personally deal with the loss of my teaching friends. These projects have also meant a lot to my students ... and I love working together with my school kids on these projects ... very uplifting for me. Might be something here in my story that could help someone out there ... I guess I find if I keep working on things, it really encourages me ... and gives me new GOALS to strive towards, as my own treatments continue. Life lesson learned ... keep looking toward the future, even if it's just TOMORROW !
Personally, since my diagnosis ... I've had great times and holidays spent together with all my family members. I organized a 50th wedding celebration for my parents for an entire weekend. After all the celebrating, I capped off the weekend by reading a poem I wrote in my parents' honor at the front pulpit of my hometown church on that Sunday. I worked very hard to maintain my health to reach that milestone to honor my parents ! I've gotten together with old friends, attended class reunions, and also organized several reunions with my old college gang, with old college friends of mine flying in from out-of-state. I can also honestly say that these past three years of teaching have been among the most meaningful of my teaching career --- and this past year, I celebrated the milestone of teaching 25 years --- another goal I had set for myself when I first got diagnosed. In everything that I have faced since my medical diagnosis, I also feel that I have been given some incredible blessings --- and learned some life-changing life lessons. Each day unfolds ... and I've done everything I can do physically, emotionally, and spiritually to keep FACING FORWARD ...
Life takes some unexpected turns, and an important aspect of my life has evolved since my diagnosis. Ironically, I now have five or six direct friends in my life who now share my same medical diagnosis. These friends come from different chapters in my life and they are all in my exact age range: some hometown friends, one of my college roommates, a church friend, and a work colleague. Some of them have been friends of mine for decades. I have formed an even tighter bond of friendship and brotherhood with each one of them, now that we share the same diagnosis. We are very loyal to each other --- I connect with each one of them -- we exchange frequent messages, phone calls, and visits. They know I will do anything to help them, and I know that each one of them would do the same for me, in return. They are truly my brothers, in every sense of the word. When I traveled to my hometown for Thanksgiving, my mom even said, "I feel like we should invite your BATTLE BROTHERS to Thanksgiving ... they really ARE your brothers, aren't they?" I knew in that moment that even my parents understood the bonds that can be shared by "brothers" who connect in this situation that we face. Life lesson learned ... the power of FRIENDSHIP !
I do think that having these friends also keeps me in balance --- I am very mindful of everything they are going through --- and I have seen a range of experiences through my friendships with each of them --- so I have seen a wide range of anxieties, worries, and fears experienced by my friends who share in my same diagnosis --- and I do everything I can to support them in anything they are facing. I know that they will support me just as much, in return. When you face a medical diagnosis, you have to work on the mental aspects of the diagnosis, along with the physical aspects of the treatments ... it's a balancing act.
One rule I have with all my "battle brothers" --- I am willing to go to any length possible to help them, and we can discuss anything, at any time. We've just learned to lay our cards on the table, whenever any of us needs to talk. But my main rule is that we need to spend most of our time focusing on other topics and our original friendship. Sure --- we will talk about
medical things, when we need to do so --- but we focus on all the other topics under the sun --- and I think that's important --- keeping things normal, keeping things real, focusing on our friendship. If I can summarize our collective experiences here, I would definitely say there is no substitute for the importance of keeping in touch with family, friends, faith, and all your usual activities.
My "battle brothers", my father, and I have found ways to reach out to others --- we are finding ways to share our stories with friends, neighbors, work colleagues, old classmates, and community members. I do believe that we ALL need to share our stories with others --- in the interest of educating other men about
prostate cancer, early detection of prostate cancer --- and to encourage them to seek treatments, when necessary.
It's important to find your VOICE --- reach out, share your story with others, and do what you can to shine a light on the cause. We also need to keep in contact with others engaged in this battle --- and to offer our support, if we see that they are showing any signs of depression. Everyone needs support, at some time or another ... this website is a shining example of that sentiment --- BROTHERHOOD and SUPPORT !
For all of my brothers and sisters here --- I don't have all the answers --- I guess none of us really do --- this is just simply my story, as it has unfolded for me. I felt that somewhere within my story, you might read something that might resonate with you. I'm engaged in the battle, along with each one of you reading this. I want to walk side-by-side, with each one of you, in every way that I can. Your support and encouragement on this website has helped me, past and present. Your care and concern for others is evident every day.
I keep striving to do my best --- I've faced successes and setbacks in my treatments --- I've had some meaningful achievements, yet I also make mistakes --- I fall down sometimes, emotionally. I think we all do --- yet, I work hard EVERY day to keep my head in the game. I realize I've been given some time already to do some things that have mattered to me --- there's more I want to do --- I'm still involved in everything I was before my medical diagnosis, for which I am very thankful each day. I do everything I can to preserve my health --- I've pursued every treatment presented to me so far --- I have dedicated doctors who would move heaven and earth to help me, and I feel fortunate in that. I'm more mindful of others than I've ever been in my life. I have TODAY placed in front of me for right now --- and I know I will feel blessed when all my school students walk in my classroom TOMORROW ...
I would do anything I could to help anybody reading this, who might be struggling with emotions, now or in the future. I think everyone here has shown they are willing to reach out to a brother or sister on this website who might be in need. So --- remember to keep reaching out to others, but remember to reach out if you find yourself in need, as well ...
Stay strong in the battle, my friends !
"Cyclone" From Iowa State
Post Edited (ISU-CycloneFan) : 1/12/2016 5:54:36 PM (GMT-7)