While waiting in line would you talk to a complete stranger about PCa? (I did)

The opportunity presented itself so I took it.

There were a number of people ahead of me a few days ago while I was waiting in the check-out line at my supermarket to buy my groceries. It turned out that I had lined up immediately behind a couple about my age (60-ish), who were having an animated conversation which I couldn't help but overhear.

WIFE: You can't deny it, Bill. Bob just found out he's got prostate cancer. You need to at least start thinking about it yourself.

HUSBAND: I'm sorry for Bob, he's my brother and all that, but I've always been a lot healthier than him anyway, so I'm not worried, and it's just his bad luck.

WIFE: But he is your brother, and they say that this kind of cancer can run in families.

HUSBAND: I told you, I feel fine, and I'm not going to worry about it.

At this point I knew I could have just kept my mouth shut, and said nothing. I realized that if I did say something to them, standing there behind them as a complete stranger, I might well have gotten the thank-you-sir-but-it's-really-none-of-your-business response.
But they seemed like good, sincere people, so I went ahead and spoke out:

ME: Excuse me, sir, ma'am, but that's true, you know. Prostate cancer actually does run in families, and if one brother gets it, the chances do increase that another brother will also.

They both then turned to me, both a little surprised, I could sense, at my comment, but almost immediately the wife then said "Well that's what I've been trying to get through to my husband here, that since his brother has got it, he needs to think about it himself."

The wife then started talking on a bit about the need for her husband to consider his options, while the husband was eyeing me, perhaps not unexpectedly, with a look somewhere between curiosity and suspicion.

WIFE: Did you hear what this nice man said, dear, you shouldn't just ignore it.

HUSBAND (turning to me): What are you , sir, a doctor or something?

ME: No, but I was diagnosed and treated for prostate cancer myself five years ago, and so far I seem to be doing okay. .

That comment seemed to put aside any remaining discomfort on the part of the husband, and he started talking himself, and then the three of us had a quick but I hope useful conversation for the next few minutes or so, until the line moved up to where they began checking out their groceries.

In that short time I simply emphasized that a large number of men about our age do have it, but it's usually a treatable cancer, and it's really a very good idea to be checked for it. I also tried to maintain as positive a tone as possible as I talked, hoping that would make a difference. The husband did indeed hear me out, at least.

By this time they had checked out and were in the process of leaving, when the wife turned back and said to me "Thank you so much, sir, for talking to us" and then to her husband, "See? I told you it's something you need to think about!" He then just said "Hmphh! Interesting!" in a somewhat undecipherable tone, somewhere between amusement and skepticism I guess, and the two of them then moved on.

So maybe it did some good the other day, talking to them like that, as a total bystander. I hope so. I'll never know of course what action, if any, the husband may be taking, possibly with his wife reminding him, perhaps repeatedly, "Remember what that nice man in the supermarket said?"

But at least I have the satisfaction of knowing that I tried to help, and may even have made a difference.

So, if you were standing in line in a similar situation, and overheard the people in front of you talking similarly, would you offer to talk to them? Who knows, they might really turn out to be very interested in what you would have to say, and it might quite possibly make a difference in their situation.

You did well, and hopefully did some good.
I wouldn't hesitate to butt into the conversation. If they had rebuffed my attempts, it would be their problem, but at least I'd know that I tried.
A guy in his 60s, whose brother was diagnosed, who apparently never even discussed it with his Dr, and likely hasn't had a PSA test? Nuts. Guys like us owe it to him and his family to educate them, or at least to try.

Negative! I'd tell you why but that would be out of line

While I would likely NOT speak to a stranger in line at the grocery store, I do embrace the idea that as someone who has been through it, I do have an obligation to reach out and share with other men who are in my circle about PC. I truly do believe that this personal contact has the potential to improve matters greatly.

I don't think we'll ever see marches for PC, or billboards proclaiming for PC awareness. And that's OK. What we can do is interact with other men as we go about our lives, and pass the word.

Yup, I'd say something. -JR

It would be the surprise of the century if any of the regular posters on this forum did not butt in. Personally, I would find it intrusive and would not take a layman's advice in any case. Even from the google docs here. There is plenty of info out there for guys that want it..if they don't , that's their business, not yours. It doesn't make you a medical professional just becasuse you have the disease and post on HW.

I myself would have stayed out of the conversation. (Not that I'm faulting you or others for jumping in.) After almost four years of thinking about PC, having my own experiences and seeing the experience of countless others here, I do think I have something to add to the conversation--but only if asked.

One of my brothers was diagnosed a few months ago (making it three out of four male siblings in my family--the fourth one is probably a bit nervous now) and following our initial conversation the topic hasn't come up. I've tried to broach the topic a couple of times, but it doesn't go anywhere so presumably he doesn't need/want my input. I'm the kind of person that likes lots of input, but he doesn't--at least on this topic--so I need to respect that even though it's difficult for me.

I carry the message whenever its appropriate. I also tell men to get annual PSA tests beginning at age 40.

ed

I think sharing your experience is beneficial, and helps spread the word. To your point Sheepguy, there are some that push incomplete information or push a personal opinion and can end up doing more harm than good. But on the whole....simply talking to them about your experience, and the very basic, get tested, talk to your doctor, do your research is a valuable asset. We aren't saying that we are diagnosing them in the grocery line.

One of the biggest issues with PCa is the stick your head in the sand approach...which results in a lack of communication and education on the subject. So if I can help someone get a PSA and talk to their doctor about PCa then you are darn right I will. But to each their own....I have chosen the advocacy approach, to spread the word and education when and where I can (as have many others on this board)...

It's a personal decision, and one that shouldn't be judged, from either side. Try being more open and understanding and less judgmental...you'll end up being a happier person.

JackH said...


hahaha..."Bend over the meat counter and I'll check your DRE"

"

Plan for mass screening???? Setup a $20 bill on the floor in the pharmaceutical aisle? Preferably around the Vaseline? Yeah...we might have gone a bit off topic here...

yes, I would, and have, if a natural situation arises, just like I will do with strangers on any subject, as long as they initiate the subject, I am willing to give/share an opinion. Other than that, I keep my opinions to myself, PC, included

Nah, Bozo, I didn't take that as judgemental. I must say I would not be a happier person giving out unsolicited medical advice. :) Maybe you are not diagnosing them, but you are perilously close sometimes...on this forum alone treatment advice is often given let alone diagnosis...maybe you guys dial it back a bit for the general public , though. Anyone coming here is asking for it , I guess.

What a great discussion this is turning out to be! A number of different viewpoints have been presented, some with entirely different takes on how to act in the situation described, but all of them valid ways of looking at the situation.

It's practically a given that a topic is almost always going to get a great discussion on HW PC!

Of the insightful comments presented so far, I rather like Paul65's, which to me sort of sums it all up:

"… but it generally warrants an honest attempt."

Whatever the reaction of the party addressed, a person can always know that he tried to do what he thought was the right thing to do.

The experience with the couple that I described above is the only time anything like this has ever happened to me, being in a public place within earshot of people who just happened to be talking about PCa.

In fact, after the people had left the supermarket, I actually thought to myself for a moment, "What were the chances of that, me being in just the right place at just the right moment, to talk with them?

Which in turn brought me to the thought, which I mention somewhat hesitantly, because it's moving away from the thread topic, and possibly into an area murky in what's allowed by this forum's posting rules. Namely fate (Fate?)

Were my steps guided that day, as well as were the couple's, in such a way that, by design, I would wind up right behind them in the check-out line, in a position to hear, and then soon join, their conversation? Paul65, was it destiny that you would meet and commiserate with the woman at the bar? Was the timing of her watching the soccer game on her device more than just coincidental, giving you a reason to begin talking to her?

I know, I know, I'm starting to get off-topic and get metaphysical here, and the mods would likely be right to insist on issuing a gentle warning to be careful, lest the thread go off into the weeds. But doesn't one sometimes just have to wonder?

Maybe in the larger scheme of things there are times when it becomes necessary for some people to have certain things brought to their attention, and to do so others become called upon to provide this necessary intervention, whether they realize they are doing it or not?

Okay, 'nuff said about that, but it does make one wonder sometimes.