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1 week after surgery- husband doing too much

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Posted 4/21/2016 10:27 AM (GMT 0)
It was one week ago on yesterday that Mike had robotic prostatectomy. Doctor repeatedly cautioned him that he was not to lift anything heavier than 10lbs for 6 weeks. Mike sat there nodding his head in agreement. Got his catheter and staples out 5 days after surgery and was told he could drive if he felt up to it, but was again told not to lift til at least 6 weeks. Again, he sat there and nodded his agreement.

Well, yesterday (EXACTLY ONE WEEK SINCE SINCE SURGERY), Mike drove out to his property in the country, used a wench to offload several huge sections of trees, each weighing approximately 150-200lbs. Says he knows his body's limits.

The wood business is a side-business for him and he doesn't want to lose his clients while he is down. Has family and friends who will help but he wasn't willing to wait til they were home from work. I even offered to do the work myself ( I am a country girl and very healthy) but he refused.

I am FURIOUS! Completely lost it with him. Gave him several pieces of my mind. Took his car keys and am refusing to give them back til 6 weeks are up as he can't be trusted to be out of sight and still act in his own best interest.

He is angry with me. Slept in the man-room last night.

But I have studied this disease and the surgery, planned and prepared our home for his recovery, researched the best doctors, bought every drink and food item that can possibly help him recover and I'll be darned if I will sit by and allow him to sabotage his recovery!

We have been married for 33 years, so no danger that we will kill each other!! LOL

Somebody heeeeeelllpppp!!!!
Posted 4/21/2016 11:00 AM (GMT 0)
Hand him his keys back....Tell him you love him.....Tell him if over doing doesn't kill him you will idea
Posted 4/21/2016 11:04 AM (GMT 0)
mikeslady, I know you're upset with him, and yeah, he's engaging in some risky behavior. However, you can't stop him (have you ever been able to keep him from doing what he wants?). How did he feel the next day? And, give him his keys back.
Posted 4/21/2016 11:46 AM (GMT 0)
Glad your DH feels that good (or did before cutting wood), but that is a dangerous gauge for what he should do. A lot of guys end up with hernias even when they follow doctor's instructions resulting in more surgery.

Sometimes my DH forgets that his struggles affect me, too--lost sleep, worry, extra work. He wants to do what he used to do and "forgets" his limitations. He always pays a price for that. Sometimes I get a little overprotective and that isn't good either. You're too new in this journey to be there yet, but giving him his keys is probably the first step to making up.
Posted 4/21/2016 12:08 PM (GMT 0)
It's not that he feels so good, DYank. He's had bladder spasms the last 2 days that brought tears to his eyes...and mine!! And he is obviously weaker and gets easily tired. His incisions are still weeping and sore. And his actions do affect me also, as the weight of the household falls on me when he is sick . But most importantly, I love him and want him to be well. I have worried and still do worry about him and want the best outcome for him. I know that to achieve the best outcome, he must follow his doctors advice. Mike is very active and works hard and I realize that it's hard for him to say put at home, but for this period of time it is a must. I could even understand if he was closer to the end of the 6 weeks ...but ONE WEEK OUT OF SURGERY? I don't want to be his mother, but he should man-up and do whats right! I have had babies and surgeries where I had 6 week restrictions and I adhered to physician guide-lines!
Posted 4/21/2016 2:23 PM (GMT 0)
I hear you--and that's exactly what I mean about being affected by his struggles. If bladder spasms don't give him the message, I don't know what will!
Posted 4/21/2016 4:44 PM (GMT 0)
sadly, sometimes only pain does the teaching.
Posted 4/21/2016 6:31 PM (GMT 0)
First, give keys back. That's just adding gas to the fire.

Second, he's being foolish, using the wrong kind of pride (stubbornness). Robotic or not, he just went through major surgery. Everything he is doing is AMA (against medical advice), so if something goes wrong, he's on his own.

I always follow post surgery rules to the letter, they are in the patient's best interest. I just had my 16th surgery a week ago, still sitting in my robe, as I still haven't healed enough to wear regular clothes, still can't drive, etc.

Hope he realize that what he's doing, he will either hurt himself or at best, retard his natural healing. I am on your side on that part.
Posted 4/21/2016 8:04 PM (GMT 0)
This is my greatest fear for my husband too. This will be my husband's first major surgery. My husband's doctor said he would be laid up for at least a week, able to go back to work after two (he sits at a desk). He told him there would be no restrictions on driving, but I know that even if he is feeling poorly, he will overdo. We have already discussed this, and he assures me he won't, but like your husband, job security is on his mind. The doctor's best words to my husband was, "You heal the best the first time. Don't screw it up."

PS ... give him back the keys. Even though he's acting like a child, he really isn't one. Voice your concerns in a loving manner even though you are mad as hell at his foolish behavior.
Posted 4/21/2016 8:09 PM (GMT 0)
RP is a major surgery! He could probably still rip the internal stitches that hold his urethra together. I've read 2 weeks for that to be mostly healed. It takes about 2 years to fully heal from this surgery.

Have you said to him what you've said to us about loving him, and worrying yourself sick over him, and how it affects you? I know my stubborn husband would do for me what he won't do for himself
Posted 4/21/2016 9:23 PM (GMT 0)
I agree with everyone else. Give him his keys back.

Doesn't he have some follow up appointments soon?

If so, then go with him and let his surgeon/urologist know exactly what he's been up to.

Let them tell him how much of a d..........s he's being.
Posted 4/21/2016 9:59 PM (GMT 0)
I can only assume that he doesn't understand the extent of surgery that has been performed on him. A hernia might be among the least of his worries if he pushes himself too hard.

Maybe he should take the time to watch a YouTube video of a prostatectomy. If that doesn't slow him down, I don't know what might. Good luck to both of you.
Posted 4/21/2016 10:22 PM (GMT 0)
are there family members nearby that can help with the timber business?
Posted 4/21/2016 11:54 PM (GMT 0)
Exactly, more or less.
Since the 'side' business seems to play a major role in all of this, try to find a compromise so that he can take it easy/easier.
Pay helpers? Hubby could supervise and /or instruct.

Post Edited (Sr Sailor) : 4/21/2016 6:32:19 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 4/22/2016 2:31 AM (GMT 0)
On reflection, it sounds like he's trying to prove that he's as much of a stud as he's always been. Those d*** doctors went down there and messed with his manhood, and he's got prove that he's still got it.

I'm reminded of a guy I knew years ago (it wasn't me), who had a vasectomy on a Friday and was told to spend the weekend on the sofa with an ice pack between his legs....instead he put on waders and spend saturday duck hunting. Saturday night his scrotum turned black and swelled up to softball size. Kind of immediate confirmation of what was a bad idea.
Posted 4/22/2016 8:28 AM (GMT 0)
Halbert, that's exactly the conclusion I've come to after hearing about a conversation he had with our adult son.

Guess I need to re-charge my energy, ignore his idiocy and get back to being supportive while reminding him to wait on the heavy lifting.

I am not a whiner, but this is exhausting!
Posted 4/22/2016 8:32 AM (GMT 0)
Guys and gals, thank you all for, so quickly, coming to my rescue, with words of advice and encouragement. It means so much to have a family of folks who understand what it means to have to deal with pc and it's effect on those we love.

...and yes, I have given back his keys!
Posted 4/22/2016 7:03 PM (GMT 0)
Taking the keys would have only been justified had the doctor ordered no driving, and if he insisted in going AMA. After my original PC surgery, I was not allowed to drive for 30 days. It was hard to obey, but I did. After my Urostomy surgery, it was another 30 day ban, but I made it. On my current recovery, no driving restriction per doctor. However, I haven't driven in 9 days now, just can't physically do it at the moment. Not recovered enough, and I am not willing to risk other's lives with me in the car.

Hope he continues to heal properly
Posted 4/23/2016 2:14 PM (GMT 0)

mikeslady said...
It was one week ago on yesterday that Mike had robotic prostatectomy. Doctor repeatedly cautioned him that he was not to lift anything heavier than 10lbs for 6 weeks. Mike sat there nodding his head in agreement. Got his catheter and staples out 5 days after surgery and was told he could drive if he felt up to it, but was again told not to lift til at least 6 weeks. Again, he sat there and nodded his agreement.

Well, yesterday (EXACTLY ONE WEEK SINCE SINCE SURGERY), Mike drove out to his property in the country, used a wench to offload several huge sections of trees, each weighing approximately 150-200lbs. Says he knows his body's limits.

The wood business is a side-business for him and he doesn't want to lose his clients while he is down. Has family and friends who will help but he wasn't willing to wait til they were home from work. I even offered to do the work myself ( I am a country girl and very healthy) but he refused.

I am FURIOUS! Completely lost it with him. Gave him several pieces of my mind. Took his car keys and am refusing to give them back til 6 weeks are up as he can't be trusted to be out of sight and still act in his own best interest.

He is angry with me. Slept in the man-room last night.

But I have studied this disease and the surgery, planned and prepared our home for his recovery, researched the best doctors, bought every drink and food item that can possibly help him recover and I'll be darned if I will sit by and allow him to sabotage his recovery!

We have been married for 33 years, so no danger that we will kill each other!! LOL

Somebody heeeeeelllpppp!!!!

I agree with giving him the keys back too, HOWEVER, IMHO someone going through this and saying they know their body's limits is choosing to act like a fool. They have zero perspective even to make the comment. He's not acting in his or your best interests by skirting this. Basically he's supposed to be limited to lifting little more than a gallon of milk. I agree with you being upset. He owes his family more than that. Good luck & congrats on 33 years!
Posted 4/23/2016 2:39 PM (GMT 0)
I had robotic prostate surgery about six years ago and most of the time right after coming home it felt like the surgery never happened. I kept on reminding myself that even though it doesn't hurt, that does not mean that I am healed. I figured listen to my doctor about what I could and could not do because he knows a lot more about this stuff than I do. Getting back to the normal routine was something I wanted to do too but also I really didn't want to cause myself any problems that might need fixing and would be a real setback to a return to normal. You are paying the doctor for his skills and knowledge about your situation so the least you should do is listen to him.
Posted 4/25/2016 5:56 AM (GMT 0)
Mike's Lady,
At times my DH tries to convince me and his Dr that he knows what best. I remind him that he didn't go to medical school. While he almost always does what the Dr says he should do, I have had to, on occasion, call in the big guns (his mother) turn
Best wishes to you both. I hope he can relax and heal and that you are able to be less stressed by his dangerous behavior
Beth
Posted 4/26/2016 2:58 AM (GMT 0)
It's woman like you that help us make it through these crazy time. Thanks for being there for him. Give him his keys back, roll up your sleeves and let him know that if he can do it, you can too. If he wants you to stop, he going to have to too. Make a deal. You'll only work for 30 minutes, if he does too.

Now I going upstairs to kiss my fiance and thank her for being there for me.

thanks
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