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31/2 years out and still ED/ looking for some courage

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Posted 8/14/2016 5:16 PM (GMT 0)
Hello Everyone,

Still struggling with the ED/ Peyronies -- I thought this whole ED thing would get better with time after the RP but it hasn't. You know the whole "nerves needs to reconnect" story they tell you blah, blah. It feels like it has gotten worse. I lost my women after 2 years of her trying to hang in there but fresh relationships are doomed with ED. It just doesn't work with me not being able to perform. I find my self avoiding women on a romantic level now out of fear of not being able to perform. I have had numerous tries at intimacy with women but failed the test each time. The dam thing just won't get a good erection and/or maintain one with any level needed to have sex. Last night was the final straw for me. I had been getting to know a beautiful women so I starting taking "C" everyday to build up for a possible shot at intimacy with her. Things were great with us and then when the moment of truth came absolutely nothing happened down there -- I mean nothing we tried for hours to get me going, nothing. She gave me the usual "oh it doesn't matter" talk but you know it matters in every regard in a new relationship. I could sense her disappointment and a change in her outlook toward me. She is a good person so I understand all the rest about sex isn't what it should be about , but no one can convince me that you can have a strong new relationship without intercourse to build from once you have feelings for each other. So after the injections, the testosterone all the different meds, the pumps, the exercises, the kegals , and what ever else I can take I'm giving up. I need the courage to go ahead and get the implant done. I know my plight through this whole PC journey is nothing compared to many other members but I'm sure there are 1000's of us suffering out there just like me. I don't want to be alone the rest of my life -- I need the strength to get this last part of me put back together so I can find someone to love and move my life forward again. Crying here today cause it broke my heart to lose this relationship I was building with this women but it does make a difference when you can't perform.
Posted 8/14/2016 5:52 PM (GMT 0)
Hi BigAl. Sorry for your situation.
It's hard for me to relate although I have been a Monk now for over 4 months. Where I still have 2 youngsters eating up all of our relationship time, I haven't felt any demands on that front yet. Although I understand your plight, I didn't read in your post that you "lost" this new gal you're spending time with right now, so maybe she's in for the long haul...regardless of your present setback.
I don't think it's going to help your cause for me to tell you that I am sure there are lots of gals out there who have intercourse on a "who cares" list, although I think we both know they're out there.

ED, or rather EF is a very personal requirement. As men, we have a certain need to know that part of our being is complete and under our full control, but I have to say, these past 4 plus months have been somewhat liberating. It's one MAJOR thing about my being that I simply don't have to worry about for the time being. I have found that portion of my day is better spent doing other things, and I don't currently miss it. Perhaps one day, if things don't return to "My Command and Control", I may think differently, but for now, I am totally good with it.

Have you had times when Big Al was up to the task so to speak, but no one available at the time? If so, maybe mental block may be the biggest hurtle to overcome.
Posted 8/14/2016 6:35 PM (GMT 0)
My heart goes out to you BigAl.

I don't know much about the implants, there are many on this board that do and I'm sure will respond with their thoughts.

Just wanted to say hang in there. Try to stay positive. From what I have read if you do decide on the implant it should work well for you. It's on demand, works every time and there for as long as you need it to be.

Good luck with it - Jon
Posted 8/15/2016 7:38 PM (GMT 0)

Graytech said...
My heart goes out to you BigAl.

I don't know much about the implants, there are many on this board that do and I'm sure will respond with their thoughts.

Just wanted to say hang in there. Try to stay positive. From what I have read if you do decide on the implant it should work well for you. It's on demand, works every time and there for as long as you need it to be.

Good luck with it - Jon

Yes BigAl, it sucks. That is why I have for a while suggested the implant for you, as some say it helps with the Peyronie's as well as an erection. I need that done but have not really considered it since I have realized sensation has been ruined also, plus the urine issue during sex would also need dealing with. Plus I figure, especially sense I stopped all injections or pills or pumps quite a while ago now, there must surely be significant shrinkage. Personally, I envy those with no desire. That would go well with no ability.

But, if I was younger and had to deal with new relationships pleasing a woman, I would not only probably have been more aggressive with all of the therapies for longer than a year or so, but probably would have had a pump and AUS by now. But for me, none of that seems worth it so I have blown it all off. But the implant might be just what you need. Certainly nothing else will has done the job. It is just a nightmare, and why you aren't likely to ever find me recommending surgery for anyone when asked. Not if any other possibility that does not dramatically increase risk of death from PC can be found. There are just too many destroyed lives. ( but, as always, to each his own. )

Get aggressive about looking into that implant, BigAl!
Posted 8/15/2016 8:27 PM (GMT 0)
Implant, yup, get talking to the docs about it.

Sounds like it's time for you to get that done.

Some of the guys around have had that done with good results.

Go for it.
Andrew
Posted 8/17/2016 1:07 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks Guys -- BiiyBob I know you've been saying get after it for quite sometime now. I'm going to start searching for a Dr tomorrow. Thanks
Posted 8/18/2016 12:25 AM (GMT 0)
Al,

I don't mean to get too personal with you here, but... do you get better erections stimulating yourself in private than you do with women?

I learned a very important detail from Dr. John Mulhall (written in his book linked below and told to me in-person). Adrenaline is the most potent anti-erection chemical in the world. Adrenaline is produced when someone feels anxious or stressed. Therefore, a guy who is anxious/stressed about erections is going to produce adrenaline and then (surprise!) not get an erection. Self-fulfilling prophecy.

So, if you get erections in private, then the key to erections with women is to relax. Try a glass of wine. Agree in advance with Ms. Evening that the goal is not to get an erection, just to have some fun. I know that's challenging, but worth a try. Unfortunately, anti-anxiety drugs won't help, because while they do control the anxiety (and therefore the adrenaline), they have their own anti-erection effect.

I see you had your surgery in NYC (Samadi) and also have Peyronies. If you haven't seen Dr. Mulhall at Sloan Kettering to help you tread the ED and Peyronies, I highly recommend you see him. He treated me for both.

Gedman
Posted 8/18/2016 12:33 AM (GMT 0)
Al, i was thinking what Gedman said. The stress of you putting pressure on yourself may be making it worse. And i think he makes some good suggestions.

As far as the woman you think you've lost, remember sometimes what you think its what you get. Dont let it become a self fulfilling prophecy. She may truly care for you enough that it isnt that important to her, and you can find other ways to "please" her. So keep a positive attitude and talk to her about it.

As far as the implant, i'll leave it to others as i am clueless.
Good luck, hang in there.
Posted 8/18/2016 6:06 PM (GMT 0)
So I am 48. My boyfriend is 68. He had surgery around the time you had. Also by Dr. Samadi... nerve sparing etc. We went through the trimix route during the course of his recovery. We have found that cialis does not work as well as viagra. In the beginning when he was gaining his recovery, he took 2 viagra. Doctors said it was Ok. It worked better than 1. No abnormal side effects. Also best to take the pills on an empty stomach... not after dinner and wine. It does not work as well at all. He'll take it before dinner and let it get it into his system before we drink and eat. In addition, if you happen to have your friend sleep over, sex in the morning before you get out of bed for breakfast is the most effective for the pills. Take it when you get up to pee and hour or so before you'll need it to work. It took some trial and error, but with a good outlook, it can work out. Don't get down.
Posted 8/20/2016 4:38 AM (GMT 0)
al...

You obviously have a problem. You know what it is and don't need telling that's not a problem. Thanks for bringing it here.

You've got the personality, ability and know how, to successfully connect with a woman in ways that leaves her wanting to be physically intimate with you. That's, by definition, a given since the relationship between you and this person is where it is. That is FAR AND AWAY the most important thing. It's the ONLY thing that's important, for, your other problem is fixable.. Without that, all the hardware on earth makes no difference. Don't take that for granted. A lot of men (trust me lol) don't have that part....and not a lot can be done about it. Your problem? Something can be done about it. Get the implant. You'll be whole again.

I understand where you're coming from. Building a relationship after this operation is ... 10 x harder. No doubt. But...you've already proven you can do it. You're roundin' 3rd....you won't even have to slide.

(One example to clarify....the last woman I approached...my local bank manager. After speaking with her for 5 minutes...her parting words to me were...."You'll be in my thoughts. I'll be praying for you". When that's the effect one has on women, all the working hardware or implants on earth are useless. That's not your problem. Your problem doesn't need a miracle, Divine intervention. You have a plumbing problem. Call a plumber. Go for the implant al. You won't be alone. It's baked in.

Good luck.

Post Edited (island time) : 8/20/2016 8:17:11 AM (GMT-6)

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