May you be well

Sleep came difficult last night. I have been a member of this forum for over 8 years. There are some terrific people here. There is also a wealth of knowledge. There are guys like Tall Allen. What can I say. The guy knows his stuff and although we don't always agree on the little things nobody can deny his advice is sound.

There are people here with incredible hearts. They welcome new guys and help more than they know!

In my early days at Healingwell I was like the typical new guy. There was much to learn and I was scared. I poured out my heart, shared my fears, my hopes, my success, and my setbacks.

It was at the suggestion of forum members that I began to blog and document my story. It was my thing I guess. I love to write.

Many Of the men who were here when I joined are gone now. Moved on, or passed on, but most assuredly gone. Some remain. Mel, Clock, Steve, Ed, David, Jack, many more.

There are new guys I have made solid relationships with.

I am at a crossroads. Do I turn or stay the course. How do I help men who are battling this disease. There are more men on this forum than there are men in my hometown. There are no support groups. Blogging has been the one thing I can do to inspire and spread hope. I don't wish to offend anybody. Fame is not my goal but in many ways it has been the outcome. Working 50+ hours a week and raising a family affords me precious little time to spend online. When I write I do so on breaks or during lunch. I share to the forum when I publish a blog and when I do I try to comment on other threads.

Maybe my time here should come to an end. I don't know. I really don't. I am not threatening to leave. If that happens it happens. I honestly don't know what I am doing. At PCRI I was able to share my story in person to some great people. I love to write but I love to talk more. I could remove the link to my blog from my signature I guess. Idk.

It has never been my intent to spread ire. So many what ifs.

I understand what you are saying. Go through similar feelings, we both came here within a week or two of each other. Other than support, I no longer feel I have enough knowledge, especially new knowledge to help anyone directly.

Todd and David,

You both have my respect. Any update from either of you catches my attention. That said, I will also understand if you need to take time away. The increase in pointed dialog here is unbecoming to a forum that has offered so much peer support in the past.

Unlike both of you I have little experience to share. The exception is to encourage those who had treatment for lower grade illness and are managing side effects on their path to recovery.

Kind regards,
Explorer

Todd, and also to David
I understand what you have said. You stated your concerns very truthfully and eloquently. I understand completely why you were upset Todd. I was hoping the mods would have deleted a certain reply post or at least stepped in, but hey, they usually do a great job, they have a lot on their plates. I'm telling you Todd, as your older Brother, that you are needed here. I agree with what Explorer 59 said.

I understand exactly what concerns you have. But just resist and ignore those negative,... confused... voices... here on.... HW ...(if you get my drift) and those whispering in your head, because there is a louder stronger, purer, wiser voice, telling you to stay the course. You contributions here are invaluable. You need not delete your Blog address from your signature, that is something that defines you!. You are not a profiteer, you are more of a Prophet!
I could go on and on....but I don't want to sound like a groupie or something(lol)

So there is no ire being created on your part, only a burning fire, to do what you do and that is all right with 99.9% of us!!

Wings aka Dan in sunny So Cal

Obviously, I missed something....and I think I'm glad I did.

Todd, as the wife of a man who is battling this nasty disease, let me say that reading your blog has helped me more than you could possibly know. It's hard for those of us born without a prostate to fully understand the ups and downs of all you guys have to deal with. I think a lot of women who love men with Prostate Cancer will tell you that their SOs don't really want to discuss what's going on in their minds and bodies. They'd rather be strong. So we sometimes find ourselves at a loss as to how to respond. Reading your blog has given me (and I suspect others, as well) some insight that we might otherwise not have understood. My husband is a very different person from you, but, I suspect feels the same about a lot of the topics you've written about.

I also recently began conversations with a local attorney who is battling stage 4 PCa, with liver metastasis. I directed him to your blog, because I felt that your story would have some real value for him. I would never have found your blog if not for the link.

I said all that, to eventually say this: Your eloquent way a describing your journey has value to so many people for so many different reasons. Please don't listen to a few negative souls.

Donna

Todd:

Slow down, take a deep breath.
You are one of the class acts here.

It's not an either/or situation. Many of us go in streaks. There are times when I am posting too often. Other times, not so much.

So, please hang around. No need to say goodbye. Just post less when your personal circumstances dictate and post more when you so desire.

Mel

Todd,
I'm new here and I will tell you simply that for me I need to hear others experience. And most definitely the guys that have been here the longest. At least keep posting your blog. I understand your wish to spend your time with what's important to you. Family and work are the most important. If you enjoy writing and it is best for you to do it on a blog keep doing it, post it here so it reminds us to check it out.

Thank you for your input and your story. I for one need to hear it.

Blessings to you...

The Artistic One -Mark

Hi Todd, when I first got on here, some of the posts I was reading to new guys with stage 4 mets all told of a man that has had treatments and is still around after 10 years... They were talking about you. Those statements were to give positivity to a dire situation someone new on here was facing. So in that light, you being on here and also taking time to blog can be beneficial to someone needing it. It is understandable that maybe a break is desired or at least thought about on your part, but know that there are people on this journey who like you around. You said it yourself, you like doing it. As to what Dan eluded to above, I personally try to stay away from the fray of negative posters and have some blocked so that I don't read their posts anymore. I stay on here to offer support for others and to pay it forward as others have helped me. Good luck on your decision but I hope to see you around. Take care. -JR

Hello Todd ~

Every fellow I meet, with a cancer diagnosis, seems to benefit from SOME form of support --- a fellow cancer patient to talk to --- a fellow "battle brother" --- another "friend in the fight" ---

Everyone finds their own path ... family, friends, work colleagues, a clergyman, a support group, faith, cancer charity projects ...

My father is a "fellow in the fight" right alongside me ... he's also been a prostate cancer patient, and we even share the same oncologist and urologist. Since then, other friends of mine have received the same health diagnosis that I have ... friends I've known for decades ... a work colleague of mine, hometown friends of mine, a church minister friend of mine, and even one of my old college roommates. Then there's my online friends --- you've got them, as well, Todd --- and the others you connect with from across the country.

You've got a story of hope and inspiration to share, Todd --- you've overcome tremendous odds --- shared your struggles AND your triumphs --- and your writing is a way for you to reach out to countless readers, whose names and faces you may never know.

They are reading your story --- they have NEEDED your story on their darkest days, when they NEEDED someone's story to bolster their spirits ... to give them a sense of hope ... and to find the personal courage to continue fighting.

Your story is particularly inspiring to those who facing a diagnosis with a grim prognosis ... the advanced cases ... the hard to treat cases ... the cases with complexities. Those fellows need your story the very MOST ... and so do their friends and family. Writing is a way for you to reach across the miles, Todd ... this website reaches every corner of the country ... and it reaches readers across the globe, as well.

You could live your life in privacy ... keeping the details of your diagnosis and treatments to yourself. Instead, you've shared your story with countless others ... because you believed that sharing your story could help another brother, now or in the future ... and in sharing your story, I believe that you have found the peace that can follow by writing out your thoughts, sharing your experiences, and making this experience something that changed YOUR life.

You have become an ADVOCATE for other fellows who face a prostate cancer diagnosis ... you've done this in person, in social situations, and perhaps MOST MEANINGFUL OF ALL for YOU ... through your WRITING.

I opened up my desk drawer today. I picked up a writing pencil and it was inscribed with this famous quotation:

"Writing is the supreme SOLACE." ~ Quotation By author Somerset Maugham

With that in mind ... with your writing, Todd --- you have, indeed, discovered your own form of SOLACE.

Keep shining the light,
"Cyclone Fan" ~ Iowa State University

Todd -- on several occasions I have shown my husband your blog posts, the pictures of you waterskiing, to give him hope. On several occasions, reading about your success has been the brightest and maybe the only light visible.

So just take this as an indication of all the people you help, people you aren't even aware of!

Just one more thing. The person who posted on my thread accused all of you as being my groupies.

Todd
As you can see from my numbers I entered this club with a very difficult DX and nowhere to turn until I found Healing Well. On my first post I was seriously contemplating taking my life. That is until you replied to me and pretty much told me to "man up" After seeing your success in responding to this beast I took your advise and "manned up" and here I am almost 2 years later with a psa of <0.02 and many options available to me in the future.
Am I your Groupie? You are God D right I am. I may not be here today if it wasn't for you and others in this support group. Yes, we all battle with mood swings from the doggone HT and other life stress related events, but you my friend, whether you know it or not have provided relief and support to many of us due to your success.
All I have to say my Rock Star

Todd, your blog and posts here on HW are always real and always an inspiration. Your knowledge and determination are so important to so many of us here. I can't tell you how many people I've referred to your blog. And I'm totally a Todd and TA groupie and am proud to admit it!