Three of us will soon be two

Quite awhile ago, I mentioned Milt, my friend, who was dx. with esophageal cancer.
Al, Milt, and I were very close -- classmates in the 60's -- math majors. We shared classes...and lunch at Tilly's, a local cafe, 3 days a week.

We all kept in touch. In fact, Milt and I went to graduate school together here in Michigan.

Al ended up in Maryland, Milt in Va., and I in Michigan. We all pursued math-related careers. We would keep in touch via telephone, email, or in the old days, letter. We got together every few years.

We will soon be two. Milt's cancer returned a few months ago. He went through h$ll. He had a long major surgery as well as chemo and radiation. Initial scans were looking great. He was slowly becoming his old self again. about 6 weeks ago, a scan suddenly revealed growing lesions in the abdominal area. His doctor felt a different kind of chemo would work. I'm not sure if Milt actually started that. He has been experiencing many complications (bowel blockages, bleeding, etc.) that were delaying his chemo start. But I spoke with him a few days ago. He sounded great. He was recovering from those issues and was set to go home on Wednesday and restart chemo next week.

I just found out that just before he was set to go home, he had issues taking a pill and coughed up blood. Once again, a delay.
Last night Al called. He checked and they now say it is officially terminal and Milt has 2-3 weeks.

I was stunned the first time, when Milt was dx. with this NOT GOOD CANCER. Now, after getting our hopes up, reality hits. I am stunned/saddened. It HURTS.

I almost didn't post this, as it is somewhat graphic. But, then again, isn't this what we all fear? This is a difficult end, and it happens to many, all too often.

Mel

Mel, I have lost friends too - mine to other causes. I have also lost close relatives who were younger than I. It is never a good feeling, and you have my heartfelt sympathy. Be comforted that you know you were a good friend to Milt over the years. I'm sure it meant a lot to him.

Sorry Mel... hard for you to write and just as hard to read. I agree with JNF, I hope they can keep him comfortable in his last days. Take care. -JR

Hello Mel,

It's so hard, losing friends who have truly become BROTHERS over the passage of time.

The loss is keenly felt --- I'm thankful for the bond you have shared over the course of time.

Peace and prayers,
"Cyclone Fan" ~ Iowa State University

Mel -

There's an old saying, "A man is lucky who has two friends." That is, real friends, and even more so lucky if those friends are there for life.

So many of us have friends in stages: friends in youth who eventually drift away, then friends in young adulthood who eventually drift away. And so on throughout our lives. Yes, lucky indeed are those of us who have friends who have been there for us for life.

Which probably makes losing them especially difficult. But you will have those memories.

Another quote comes to mind, the line from Tennyson: "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." Most people think the line refers to losing a love interest to a rival, but actually he wrote it about the death of a dear friend.

Very sincere condolences on your loss. But again, the memories will always be there.

compiler said...
Jackh -- just curious, do you have handy the top 4 list of bad cancers? I assume lung, liver, gall bladder, stomach, brain (I know, that's five!).

I've posted this several times; most recently in the thread "Over treatment, not always......"
www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=35&m=3724907

I'll just copy/paste from there:

List of cancer mortality rates in the United States
Percentage of patients deceased within five years after diagnosis:

1. Gallbladder cancer – 97%
2. Pancreatic cancer – 93%
3. Liver cancer – 83.9%
4. Lung cancer – 83.4%
5. Esophageal cancer – 82.7%
6. Stomach cancer – 72.3%
7. Brain cancer – 66.5%
8. Ovarian cancer – 55.8%
9. Leukemia – 44.3%
10. Laryngeal cancer – 39.4%
11. Oral cancer – 37.8%
12. Colon cancer – 35.1%
13. Bone cancer – 33.6%
14. Cervical cancer – 32.1%
15. Non-Hodgkin lymphoma – 30.7%
16. Kidney cancer – 28.2%
17. Bladder cancer – 22.1%
18. Uterine cancer – 18.5%
19. Breast cancer – 10.8%
20. Skin cancer – 8.7%
21. Thyroid cancer – 2.3%
22. Prostate cancer – 0.8%


This Wikipedia page nicely summarizes the data from the CDC:
/en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_cancer_mortality_rates_in_the_United_States

Mel
I was going to post "sorry to hear about your friend Milt". But then I thought of a better post.
What a blessing to have such a good friend over the years. A gift to have gone to school and graduate school together, to have known each other and cared about each other so closely for over 55 years. An amazing friendship with numerous lunches and phone calls that others like me can just imagine and envy. As others here recognize, you and he have been fortunate and to have shared that special bond over the years.

Support him through this troubled time. That suggestion from DoubleHH to tell him again how special he is too you is priceless.
That quote from 81gyguy from Tennyson is spot on, about your friendship with Milt. Those priceless memories will comfort you, and you both are in my prayers
Dan

I am so sad to hear about your friend. You have spent more than a lifetime together and now to be faced with this. You are lucky to have been able to foster such a strong relationship over so many years. It must be very difficult for you. You and your friend are in my thoughts and prayers.

Hello Mel,

Glad you are staying in close contact with your close friend --- keep reaching out to him, just as you have been.

I have one other idea, that's worth passing on to you ...

In this busy world of "text messages" and "E-mails" --- I still find value in receiving a card or note in the mailbox, now and again ... just seeing the familiar handwriting of a family member or old friend on the envelope when I open the mailbox ... PRICELESS.

I have tried to remember that, as well, in my own life ... and I try to send a hand-written note or card to others. Sometimes, we can express in writing what we can not express in conversations ...

Amazing what a notecard and a postage stamp will do, in the bond of friendship ...

Just a thought to share,
I.S.U. "Cyclone"

Mel, with regard to your friend. My wife showed me a quote the other day, which fits. "Don't be sad that it is over, be happy that it happened."

Best to you and your friend.

clewis

Mel, Sorry about your friend,

Bobby Mac

Mel,

So sorry to hear about your close friend!! Hard to know what to say during these difficult times in life!

Like others have said, I too have lost so many friends and loved ones even thought I just turned 66!

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers both for you and your friends family!

Dave

Mel, you will cherish this friendship all your days. I see you are staying in close contact with him. I know that he so appreciates your conversations as much as you value them. My thoughts are with you Mel. I do hope his passing will be peaceful.

Celebrate his life and your friendship.

Cajun Jeff