Michael-
I am so sorry to hear about
your losses. A mother and a father in the same year is more than anyone should have to bear. And then this disease on top of it all! Too much, my brother, way too much. I can actually see how ADT could help with that. I know men cry more easily while on ADT, and if ever there was a time to cry, this is certainly it.
I found that ritual was very helpful for me in creating the time and place to grieve. It is too easy to put it off and not feel the pain. When Jon Kabat Zinn introduced mindfulness, it was as a medical practice to help cancer patients deal with pain. He pointed out that one gets through pain faster by focussing on it rather than trying to put it out of mind. That's true whether the pain is psychic or physical.
Richard Wassersug, a well-known researcher on PC, has made a similar observation about
the peace he found in "embracing his eunuch identity," and about
the esteem ancient societies placed on it. You may be interested in these:
www.tikkun.org/nextgen/embracing-a-eunuch-identitylink.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10943-008-9231-9