Updated March 9th

Feel like I've been on a roller coaster ride, especially emotionally.

Much happened in the past 12 hours. My VA doctor finally got the Lithium battle settled, only for me to be told to stop taking it totally until other treatments have ended.

For the 3rd time, I am set to begin ECT treatments. This time, I fully intend to bite the bullet and have them. I really need them, might be my last best chance to save my life. Past 3 days have been the worse kind of hell I have ever been through. Was convinced that the end was here.

So all my doctors, as a group, got together and compared notes, with my therapist taking charge, and they managed in a few hours to get everything done.

I have some blood work to do Monday afternoon, and the first treatment is scheduled for Wednesday at 7 AM. They will be done Monday - Wednesday- Friday, scheduled for a min. of 12. I may need maintenance ECT after, but will wait and see if they work for me. If they don't do the job, I have resigned myself to go in-patient at the VA for 4-8 weeks, but hoping the ECT can break the vicious circle I am in.

Never knew or understood how dangerous major long term depression can become. If any of you guys are fighting it, please don't, it will come back to haunt you, like it did me, and now, its so entrenched, its become a huge ordeal to break free. I thought toughing it out the past 8 years was the answer, but I know now, I was only fooling myself.

I will be seeing my new oncologist in about a week or two, I accidently missed my last appointment. I still don't know the last PSA score, or what the results of that full body bone scan I had undergone months ago.

That's the latest on me

Post Edited (Purgatory) : 3/9/2017 8:15:36 PM (GMT-7)

Hi David,
It sounds like your drs are finally all on the same page. Continued thoughts and prayers for success with this. I'm glad you are also getting in to see the medonc soon too.
Beth

Good luck David

David - I am truly relieved to hear that your doctors seem to have finally gotten together for you. I hope that you are able to stay the course this time, and that the treatments give you the relief you so sorely need.

Again, we thank you for your service, and we owe you all that there is to offer to make you whole again.

David,
I hope that you will begin the treatment this Wednesday. I Have followed your post from the beginning, and been praying for years for you to find comfort, and something to ease your pain. With all the issues you face, depression just magnifies everything thing else to a level you should not have to bare. Good luck my friend.

Kerry (Beachbum)

"So all my doctors, as a group, got together and compared notes, with my therapist taking charge, and they managed in a few hours to get everything done."

Well that is a good step! Really hope something positive comes out of it for you, you deserve a break! Fingers crossed for you.

David -

As always, best of luck to you. You know we always appreciate it when you keep us up-to-date with what is going on with you.

Speaking of that, I realize this is a really trivial matter to bring up right now, with so many other much more important issues that you will need to be deciding, but, if you did go inpatient at a facility (VA?) for some time (possibly weeks or months?), do you know if you would be able then to have access to the web (perhaps an in-room laptop?) and you could keep us updated as to what's happening?

(Or maybe it's too soon to even speculate on something like that).

Again, best wishes.

I hope for the best for you with this new treatment plan

The anticipation, this still-a-decision-time, is often the worst -- you keep weighing the pros and cons, checking in with your gut, etc. Maybe that's over for you since you said you're determined, but I'm guessing not since this is such a big decision, it's probably hard to completely put it to bed.

So at least you can remind yourself, this may be the worst part of it. Tomorrow, and the weeks that follow, won't be easy, but you will have taken a big step towards a solution and that in itself will be a good feeling. You'll be on the path and momentum will make each subsequent step easier than what you're feeling right now.

Good luck, and know that you've got many out here in webworld pulling for you!

I think once I get through the first treatment, will have a better feel for how I will do. There's no way to predict how much memory loss I will have during and after the treatments. Varies too much patient to patient. Some a little, others a lot, for most, all returns a few weeks after the final treatment. Depending on how well it works, I may or may not need maintenance zaps in the future, if the depression tries to sneak back in, that is not uncommon.

Following this thread, just now getting a chance to post. I'll be with you in spirit in the morning, as I'm sure Barb will be. Meet well the challenge, rise above the fray, success will visit you. Gentle hugs & rousing prayers.

Lynnwood

David - You're probably "there" by now, but know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. When you get a chance, and feel up to it, we will be here. Keep us posted, please.

First treatment is over. Everything went right by the book. No problems, it was an 8 member team. I was #4 in line out of only 4 patients scheduled. Got up at 5 (hard as hades, had only 1 hour of sleep), at hospital at 6. Had to wear gown only, nothing else, they said some people loose all bodily functions when seizure takes place. Not a pleasant thought. IV put in, I insisted on lydacaine first, nurse got it first time with little pain. Then 45 minutes of waiting for my turn.

Was wheeled away only about 30' to a very cramped treatment room. Not sure how all 8 people fit. Started breathing Ox from a mask. Only issue, they clamped down so hard on my right leg (on purpose) that I screamed out in pain. Next time, they said they would make sure I was fully under before doing that. As I was screaming, the knock out drug was being inserted into the IV. Next thing I know, I was back in recovery room, all over. about 15 minutes start to finish.

Spent about 30 minutes there, didn't take too long to come out, as I wasn't under that long. Wife helped to dress me. She went for her car while they took me down in a wheel chair.

In all honesty, I think I could have driven home fine, not sure how my reaction time would have been. Can't legally drive for 24 hours after each treatment.

We were back home, in bed, by 0930. Wife got to sleep for a couple of hours before she had to get ready to go to work. She had about 5 hours sleep before getting up this morning, which helped.

How I feel? Mentally no different. Memory seems sharp. But was only 1st treatment of at least 12. Was told that there is a cumulative effect, so it may worsen over time. All my joints hurt, side of head where conductor was placed hurts like a bad bruise, have had minor headaches through my right eye, and my normal fatigue is much worse.

Have spent rest of day either chilling or laying in be, was told to rest plenty.

Hard part is going to have to do this routine 3x a week. Next treatment is Friday morning. Only hoping that it breaks the vicious circle I am in and that there is some improvement.

Have to meet with VA therapist at 10 in the morning. She was one of the first to call on me this afternoon at home to check up on me.

All I can handle at the moment