Give Advice or Share Experience. Which one is better?

I've always felt that what I have to give is two things: 1 is information, 2 is "here is what I did and how it turned out".

Advice is dangerous. If I tell someone to take specific action (in this case, what form of treatment is best), then I'm treading on thin ice...and I'd be responsible for the outcome. However, telling someone, "go visit experts in all fields, or go see Dr. X, I found him to be really good", that is still my experience talking.

Both are good with me.

I don't believe anyone here doesn't like advice based on experience. If the advice is not based on experience....we at least like it to be coming from a source we trust. It's up to us as to how much trust we put into the advice giver.

Every person makes their own call on that one....

(that's been my experience anyway ;))

so is telling someone they need to see a doctor considered "giving advice"?

Good night.

I think we do better when we respond to an OP's request or intent. Some posters seek advice broadly, some specifically (I think recently of MD1 or MD2) and others reassurance, community or come to share news.

As an example, for someone asking for advice about surgeons, I think there is a sharp difference between, "Before you go any further you should make appointments with three kinds of radiologists so you have all your options", and "If you haven't already ruled out radiology, many here have had good results with DXs similar to yours. One option is..."

Also at times I think we dismiss the concerns of those new posters who come with less pressing DXs or low detectable PSAs following surgery. The "go live your life" meme suggests dealing with our cancers is not just another piece of living our lives in the present. Some are more planful that others, work through fears with preparation. We could more respect those differences.

Best to all
Wilderness

I think the comment by Wilderness..." Yes for some of you who are well read on the subject you are condescending to those that are less informed".... has some merit. And I'm not thinking about just one person.
BUT...it's also the way the reciever of that advice takes it. We are all adults here. That means 3 things. 1. When we come to an Internet forum we should know enough to know not to read into the tone of the written word. And 2. We should take advice that we ask for knowing that it's coming from a non medical professional, read the studies that are often referred to in the advice, and then use that information ONLY to have a high level discussion with whatever Drs we meet with. 3. Once we find a DR we are willing to put our confidence in, never ever follow internet advice over the advice of the DR.

Being an educated consumer of medical treatment is important, but I think the most valuable thing we offer and receive here, is the support of others who've walked in our shoes.

I too hope Mark Artist returns. Every time we lose a member who's "been through the ringer" with PC, it's a loss to the forum - and a loss to that member as well.

Post Edited (Pratoman) : 8/12/2017 6:52:13 AM (GMT-6)

People come here for different reasons. Some for comfort, some for information, some to vent, some for a mixture. My view is that we need to be adult enough to realise that people posting cannot read the OPs (or any other posters mind).

I know that some posters are completely open in stating that all they come here for is comfort. They want no information, they do not want opinions on their treatment options. In short they need sympathy and somewhere safe to share their medical story and no more. Although I struggle a little with the need for such a prescipted response from other posters, I think this openness is preferable to not being clear about ones needs and then leaving in a huff when unstated needs are not met.

The fact is the world is full of people of different skills and beliefs, their posts may not break any forum rules but may be offensive to you personally. The best thing to do in a forum like this when this happens is to press the ignore button.

An

I joined this website in 2006. I've been a patient, moderator, coach, mentor, and debater, you name it. I am mostly a monitor here today. What I watch for is educational opportunities. Today I am cancer free but very active in the physician community as a patient advocate and representative. I work as a colleague in many committees and panels that are in very elite societies performing research or defining treatment guidelines.

What this site is varies to each individual. What this site should never be is un-opinionated, un-diverse, or un-sharing. If you don't like what you hear and choose to move on? I'm fine with that too.

Share versus Advice?

Advice is just advice and most be taken with a grain of salt, especially when dealing with any biological systems (ie medicine.) Just as many of the prostate books offer insight and advice, yet nobody is demanding anyone to undergo any particular procedure. It is up to the individual to do that.

People come here, just as I did, for information concerning all aspects of prostate cancer. I found everyone here helped me tremendously in supplying information, which aided in making a decision on my treatment.

Knowledge is one's most important weapon in his arsenal to fight cancer. Bottom line, there are no guarantees when dealing with biological system.

Then there's the times, well for me, when I see a member having a problem with another member (who hasn't really asked for it, and there's nothing the troubled one can do about it anyway)....it makes me wonder whether that person is ok. It can be hard to share what's really bothering us sometimes...we may not even know ourselves.


Health issues can be stressful is what I guess I'm trying to say. Patience and tolerance are the first casualties of stress and fear.

Advice or shared experience? Which is better?
Many great answers from Ya'll, many good points. I loved Andrew's "Is see a doctor, considered advice?-Good Night" drop the mike answer!

For me, neither one is better or worse for us. We need both!
I come to this site for advice, I come to this site to learn, I come to this site to encourage others and to try to get into their story, to try to step into their shoes, to understand how this darn thing is affecting their lives. Every once in a while I press ignore on someone, but that's rare. I ignore many posts anyway by scanning thru them if not relevant to me.

In any case, this is the best organized and diverse and most educational site that I have found. This is also the most informative. It is almost unfathomable that many are so well entrenched in education of all aspects of treatment, that they would take to time to try to help countless other clueless folk like me here. They are a great blessing! So I will take advice(even if it be with a grain of salt). For me, it sometimes gives me something to consider or think about, that my own Doctor has not even mentioned to me as yet. But no, I don't think the internet is smarter than my Doctor. (Even though a national survey revealed that Doctors many times find new information on the Internet!) I just want to be a step ahead, expecting a curve ball if it is coming so to speak.

As equally as important are those who face dire struggle themselves, but take the time to reach out to touch us here with their own words of wisdom and encouragement. Many times I have read and re-read posts with tears in my eyes of hope for my future, and also tears of sadness also when individuals put everything out there, like our beloved Beth did with Gary's story.

That's my opinion, I'm sticking to it,don't confuse me with facts, my mind is made up. Keep the faith brothers
Winging it
Dan in So Cal 100 degrees today!

I disagree. Let's start by assuming we are talking about civil discourse and not ad hominem attacks. For an adult, deciding how you feel when you read something is up to you. (In contrast to teenagers who are apt to take everything personally). No one "makes" me feel any way about myself - I do that. None of us has any control over how another takes what we writes. Unless we use emojis to express our attitude when writing something, it is hard to know what a writer feels. (I, for one, almost never "get" sarcasm when I read it) We only can know how we feel when we read it - and that's up to the reader. Sometimes a statement like "why would you even consider X?" is what it takes to force a person to consider exactly why he would consider X . It's a challenge, not a condemnation - not unless the reader takes it so. Sometimes "have you considered X?" will make a person feel even stupider - why hadn't he? We all operate by taking the easiest path - why would any of us do extra mental work if we don't have to? Confronting our assumptions can overcome our mental inertia and put us on the road to patient empowerment rather than completely relegating important decisions about our health and welfare to doctors.

I run current events discussion groups among seniors. As you might imagine, the discussions can get very heated. I have two rules - no ad hominems and no quibbling over objective facts (I arbitrate on all objective facts, but express no judgments over their opinions). I encourage them to get passionate over their opinions. Everyone leaves feeling stimulated and invigorated by the mental workout. They all keep coming back for more - they love it!

That said, I know that hormone therapy can turn us into emotional teenagers. I have low T right now, and feel more emotional lability than usual, and that's not even at castration level. Fortunately, I have a tool (Mindfulness) to help me deal with that -- simply by noticing what I am feeling early enough, and examining it, it seems to pass more quickly, and I am able to let it go when I want to. Why would anyone even consider not practicing Mindfulness?