Your emotional reaction is VERY normal. We've all been there, and we've all been through the "just cut it out" initial phase. My ruminations about
it got so bad (and annoying!) that I went for some psychotherapy and practiced Mindfulness to help me stay in the present moment and deal with what IS instead of what MIGHT BE. But when it's brand new, the mind is going to race no matter what you do (other than drugs). I promise that your emotional temperature will cool down with time and knowledge, although it doesn't seem so now. You may need some sleeping pills for a little while to get a good night's sleep.
There is absolutely no rush to do anything , and it won't change a thing with your diagnosis if you take over a year to decide.
When you are able to absorb stuff, there is an informative sticky for the newly diagnosed at the front of this site. You will see there a recommendation to get a second opinion on your biopsy slides from Epstein's lab at Johns Hopkins.
Here are some questions to ask your urologist:
/pcnrv.blogspot.com/2017/12/questions-to-ask-and-not-ask-on-first.htmlBring all your questions in writing, write down the answers, and bring someone with you if you can.