Have you ever thought of yourself as a role model for others, in dealing with this disease?

My two adult sons live with me and we all get along fine. One of the enjoyable things we do together is, in the evenings, we often gather in the living room in front of the TV, take our favorite seats with beverage of choice in our hands, tune the TV to some sporting event, turn down the sound, and while occasionally glancing at the TV action, we just talk about anything that comes up, sometimes for hours.

Well, recently while we were having such an enjoyable chat session, one of my boys mentioned, kind of out of the blue, "Dad, I hope Jeff and I never get what you have had to deal with, but if we ever do, I just wanted to say that you have been a wonderful role model for the two of us to follow, especially the patience and character you have shown, showing us the way to handle this, if either of us ever does have to face this thing."

Well, I have to say that I was frankly a bit stunned when Darrell said that to me, because I had never, in all the seven years I have been dealing with this PCa thing, ever thought of myself as some kind of a role model, either for my sons or for anyone else.

It just never occurred to me that anyone, my sons or anyone else, was ever looking at me in that way, as a role model to be followed, if they should someday find themselves in the position I had been in.

It was something I had to think about for a while, to let it sink in. I even had several different takes on it, from being, frankly, a bit amused at the thought that anyone was actually seeing me as an example to be followed, laying down, as I went along, and whether I realized it or not, actions deemed worthy enough to be followed by others. But I also felt a sense of responsibility, that if this was indeed true, then I ought to be aware of it, and do the best I could to live up to such an image.

So, have you ever been in this position, that someone you know, perhaps a family member, has told you that you have been presenting yourself as an admirable role model for others to follow, in the way you have been dealing with this beast?

Or have you ever come to feel that way on your own, stopping to think "Well, I need to handle this well, as my (son, brother, friend, etc.) is watching, and I need to set as good an example for him as possible, in case he ever has to face this himself."

Bear in mind that others usually see us as braver than we see ourselves, so it would not be that unusual for those around us to think of us as handling our situations pretty well, even if we don't think that ourselves.

Maybe you would like to do this, take a look at some of the people around you, and if you hadn't thought about it before, ask yourself whether any of them might just be watching how you have been handling this, and observing what you have been doing, as a possible role model for themselves, if they should be facing this someday.

I carry the message of getting tested annually. from the looks I gets sometimes i'd say "nuisance"

OP, you asked two questions:

• Thought of myself (thread subject line) -- no
  
• Been told (body of thread text) -- yes; but then I tell them about my case of PC overtreatment (3+4, low volume, aka favorable-risk)...then it's not such a big deal anymore

More meaningfully to me has been the situation of several friends commenting about their admiration of my role as caregiver though my wife's 15-month cancer illness ("set the example," they said, for something nobody else wants to go through, but others will). That actually made me feel good. Maybe some good for others came out of the bad.

Post Edited (NKinney) : 5/14/2018 7:16:58 AM (GMT-6)

I note that in my life, the best role models were people who were not particularly trying to BE role models. They just were. (and that applies to the bad role models as well)

I live in ongoing effort to maintain and improve myself in all ways possible. It is a fact that a healthy diet, exercise, sufficient rest/relaxation and dealing proactively with life stress is beneficial to you, so I do that stuff.

The docs are impressed that I have come back as well as I have from the treatments and ascribe this to my lifestyle. I am open to discuss the facts with any and all interested and make a point of advising men I encounter to keep an eye on their PSA. I am aware that many people clearly perceive the physical, mental and emotional benefit I am getting from my efforts. Many have shared that with me.

As for myself, I am clear that for every cost there is a benefit. Working through the knowledge that one has acquired an incurable fatal illness, experiencing the lack of control over that, then continuing to live mindfully and in the moment is a challenging life task indeed. I am growing as a person and am continuing to learn new things beyond this topic. I value very much my life and all within it.

I read what you all say when I come here.