Hello,
My (DOB August 1, 1962) RP was performed Dec 7, 2016; as of today my PSA has maintained 0.010, my testosterone level is approximately 335-338 (range 240-1200). I can totally identify with the mental fight or struggle associated with my ego, self concept, lack of libido, erectile dysfunction, very low appetite for sex or desire to have the conversation that reveal my low level of self confidence. It is very difficult desiring to be alone working out to find yourself, your emotions, identifying your emotions - trying to communicate this to my wife in a sensible compassionate way that she can try to understand is incomprehensible. She has reassured me, she will walk all the way through this process and the same time I know she desire the intimacy and affections. I am inclined to NOT want any engagement that in my mind will lead to an area of testing myself and only to leave worst than before. I have been going through the recondition process for erections, vacuum tube, viagra, cialis, injections (caverject), juicing beets, ginger root, watermelon and rime, my progress has improved over time. The problem for me is my sex appetite is absent, the more I read this thread and absorb insightful, I am beginning to accept it’s probably more mental/psychological than I am embracing. Now thinking it is a safe net for me not really being ready in confidences to take on the failure and success that comes with this form of recovery. I have began to
open up more with conversations with my wife, insisting to have conversations with my doctor, other men, because it has been a horrible experience of depression in and out stages. I am very physical fit, so I have had to initiate my conversation with those that know me, even my Primary Care Physician didnt’ take me serious communicating my struggle or issues with depression. I am optimistic in my personality or extrovert, so it is easy for me to mask the internal struggle easy even if that wasn’t my intention. So, now that I have accepted the struggles, depression bout, remove the mask for others; it has begin to help with this traumatic state of shock that i believe most of us are experiencing PTSD. The very idea of being touch stresses me out that I am under a level of stress to meet desires I don’t even feel or associate with as I am accustomed to doing therefore in a role no assurance of control or outcome that will favor a better out come for someone that I hold very dear in my inner most being of self - my wife. Therefore i comes easier to remain in the safe place staying where I am “recovery”! Pluffmud - I hope my removal of the mask has provided your some valuable insight to be strong and soundness. It has been very helpful when my wife desires to simply have an adult conversation about
how I am feeling (the struggle) what is it like, which allows me to communicate, and not demanding.
Post Edited (Liamsameach Veteran) : 7/4/2018 10:15:24 AM (GMT-6)