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Dignity Undefined

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Posted 11/30/2019 8:22 PM (GMT 0)
Dignity Undefined

The instructions were quite clear,
quite understandable,
quite eye-popping.
What goes where?

Biopsy,
the test to know if it will be
life, death, or something between.

Doctors, nurses, all
caring, gentle, attentive,
give me a bag for my underwear,
feeling like a child undressing, mother watching—
Feeling like a warrior stripped of armor,
a frightened rabbit,
as fear takes hold.

But I get to keep my socks on–
Nice, warm, wooly socks
countering the cold air
creeping up my gown.

On the table directed,
the lecture begins; worry takes hold.
Fittingly, my legs are bent
into fetal position

Transrectal is a word
that requires no more explanation.

The procedure starts with all eyes on my backside.
I hear a click,
and inside I feel a punch.
“That’s a good sample, dump the one from the dull needle.”

Twelve little punches turn to fourteen.
then a hand rests on my shoulder,
“We’re done, relax. Carol will take care of you now.”

Nakedness covered,
warmth returns as strong arms
help me sit upright
and hand me back my underwear.

----------
Been awhile since I posted a poem. This one is from my cancer collection book, "There was a Time"
Posted 11/30/2019 8:43 PM (GMT 0)
Thank You for the chuckle, it lifted my day. Sitting in the house in north central SD watching it snow and blow. Just had returned from the Mayo Clinic; got good news, we really don't know news, and you should have that looked at when you get back home news, no bad news. I would have to call that a successful visit, come back in 3 months for more scans.
Posted 11/30/2019 11:15 PM (GMT 0)
I remember my biopsy, I was in the procedure room with my oncology urologist and assistant, the door wide open to the hall where other medical staff that walk by can see my full moon. It was about the first or second shot when a group of medical students walked to the door, my doctor asked me if it was okay if everyone could watch the procedure. Of course I said, "yes, come join the party". after 13 cores, the procedure was over with and the student moved on to see the next show. BTW, my urologist is faculty at a nearby medical school and has frequently has med students and residents in the office.
Posted Yesterday 10:31 AM (GMT 0)
That clicking sound.
Posted Yesterday 12:40 PM (GMT 0)
I don’t know which warning was worse......

“You will feel a little pressure”.....or “this may be cause a little discomfort”.....and then Click.....there goes another sample.

So glad that is behind me.............
Posted Yesterday 3:32 PM (GMT 0)
For me, the worst part was the antibiotic shot in the butt cheek. THAT hurt. And then the first pee afterwards...there was a huge clot that I had to pass and things had to build up to blow it out.

To the point of the poem...the total loss of dignity when in the hands of the medical folks. I wonder if that is why so many people avoid doctors.
Posted Today 4:32 PM (GMT 0)
Andrew -

Here you give us the matter-of-factness of an experience, presented almost as an objective report if you will, but laced with words and feelings of underlying fear, all successfully done.

The standard (and good) advice to writers (and poets) is to write about what one knows, and this particular experience is something most of us here indeed know. But I would also echo Logoslidat's observation that there is also a universality to this kind of experience, and the words and descriptions that you have used would apply to many procedures.

Regarding the humor aspect, it is always a challenge for a writer, or poet, to combine both humor and seriousness, such as uneasiness and arguably outright fear in this case, successfully within a single work. Usually such a work drifts into being one or the other, but is not noteworthy for treating of both. But I judge that you have combined them successfully in this case.

I think you did well in communicating to the reader, even those unfami6ilar with such a "transrectal" procedure, a word which does indeed require no explanation, the sheer discomfort of the whole thing ("... dump the one from the dull needle" <gasp>). Your reader gets the message.

Final critical verdict? Like.
Posted Today 11:24 PM (GMT 0)
I remember standing in the room after the nurse walked out and left me alone for a minute while I took my clothes off. I noticed this small table with two probe like looking things on it, one maybe 12-15" long, the other about 8". I felt good at that point, after all, I'm a skinny guy about 155# so I get the short one whatever they are for. Well, in they came, nurse told me to get on the bed and face the wall with my knees bent. Doc says..."i'm going to tell you what I'm going to do before I do it each step of the way"....me says "ok". Well he took what I guess was one of those probes which must open your butt hole up for the instrument(s) to pass through and shoves it in there without saying a word. I almost went through the wall and don't think I yelled that loud since I got circumcised. The pain of that went away almost immediately though and doc said he was going to put some topical anesthetic on something (at that point I was biting the bed and didn't even comprehend). Then he said he was going to start taking the 12 core samples and asked me if I wanted to know before he took each one. I said I didn't, just take the darn things. Then I heard the click and didn't feel anything at all. Then the second, third.....and I swear I was counting #12 when he was still at #8. But I never felt any pain at all....had it not been for shoving that darn probe up my butt in the beginning it would have been a walk in the park.
Posted 12/3/2019 3:15 AM (GMT 0)
I remember the springy sound like the recoil of an M-16
Posted 12/3/2019 2:19 PM (GMT 0)
"...I remember the springy sound like the recoil of an M-16."

By golly, I hadn't noticed that before, but F8 is right! Just about the some kind of sound!

Of course the M-16 is a weapon and the probe is not. Well, maybe the probe seems like a weapon at the time!
Posted 12/3/2019 2:44 PM (GMT 0)
From a long time ago.
"This is my weapon,
this is my gun,
this is for fighting,
this is for fun."

I jumped every time I heard that darn thing, made for a bloody mess.
And each prick felt like a bee sting.
Posted 12/5/2019 9:49 PM (GMT 0)
Andrw,
I feel your pain, and embarrassment.
Excellent Poem once again. Oh BTW I know your work is not limited to Pca. Hawaii must not get Amazon!!!
Wing man
Posted 12/6/2019 4:06 AM (GMT 0)
I told a friend facing his own biopsy: "ya know the people that claim to be beamed aboard the mother ship where aliens probe you and do weird experiments on you, thats a prostate biopsy"

Told my wife its like he stuck a staple gun up my *** and pulled the trigger 12 times. Thats what it sounded like to me, that click a staple gun makes. felt like it too.......
Posted 12/6/2019 7:05 AM (GMT 0)
That brought a chuckle, Andrew.

You lot should get with the times! Biopsys here (Down Under) are done with you "under", blissfully unaware of anything going on around/in/on you!

The pre-RALP cistoscopy was worse; Uro and 2 ladies running around very matter-of-factly as I was standing/sitting lying starkers, with a water pipe up the old fella, me wondering "I wonder what they are thinking?!".
Posted 12/6/2019 12:04 PM (GMT 0)
Nurse told me, when I was complaining about hospital gown, "when you have Prostate Cancer you leave your modesty at the door."
Posted 12/6/2019 7:34 PM (GMT 0)
Talk about embarrassment and loss of dignity. Well my biopsy was just as you described. I never would believe it, but since that time there have been things far worse in those terms. However, nothing comes close to a procedure called Urodynmanic Testing. If your doctor ever suggest the procedure...if you can, please run. Normally I would welcome a pretty young lady playing with my penis….but this ain’t that.
It is the most embarrassing, humiliating, and degrading test I have ever been through. And believe me, I have had my private areas poked and prodded with every kind of test and procedure imaginable and nothing comes close to making a man feel less than a man. You can look it up…I will spare you the details. Believe me the actual procedure far exceeds the description.
Posted 12/6/2019 9:31 PM (GMT 0)
Some things to think about . . .

Does a woman lose her dignity when a baby is delivered by c-section?

Unless you are being treated in a way to purposefully harm your self-esteem, do you lose your dignity?
Posted 12/7/2019 1:28 AM (GMT 0)
I forgot. they also made me drink a coke afterwards (for the sugar) and after years of diet drinks it tasted horrible.
Posted 12/7/2019 1:35 AM (GMT 0)
I'd like to thank everyone for sharing their experiences. I didn't think this poem would trigger so many responses. Thanks for all your thoughts.

Andrew
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