Thriving with cancer

Thriving with cancer is a topic I am intrigued by and probably will try to write a book about it. I have written a lot about how being told you have cancer is a gut punch. A punch like I never experienced/experience. I had months of finding myself in a daze of worry, fear, and confusion. Most of that has subsided and there are moments when it returns.
I also know about thriving. I really am starting to believe that thriving is a decision, an action, a way of being that is in our control. I have a friend who was diagnosed with stage 4 PC a couple years ago and has been through the treatment wringer and is in pretty good shape now, even with a rising PSA. He works, is building a house for his daughter, cycles 80+ miles a week and is one of the most spiritual guys I know. He also has moments of doubt, confusion, being tired form ADT, and other negative effects. However, from the outside no one would suspect he has cancer.
We were chatting the other night about thriving and it became clear to me that we can be sick and thrive; have cancer and thrive; be depressed and thrive! There is power in acknowledging the “and”! Too often , I can get stuck in the fear, or the pain, or the worry. I do not want to downplay or deny those very real feelings. Having cancer sucks at times. And we can make choices to shift to the other side of and.
I am suggesting that we can have a tool box of “ands.” We can connect with other guys with PC, we can get physical like ride a bike, do some chores, etc. We can get spiritual. For me getting near the ocean brings me peace and hope. We can hug a loved one. And we have many other choices.
Why though is it so very hard to see those options when we are in pain? The dread of cancer can be soul sucking for sure. I am of the opinion and experience that we need to have a preemptive “and” plan, a habitual “and” plan, and a couple of go to “ands.” If I wait until the dread has me by the throat to start to develop my thriving plan, its going to be very hard. However, if I practice my Thriving tools on a regular basis it will be easier to go to them when the gut punch reappears.
I also think we need a threefold plan; mental, physical, and spiritual. I love to exercise through golf, gym workouts and cycling. I work out every day. I am trying to slow the aging clock and I know for sure that I feel better when I work out. Sure, some days are harder but every time I work out I feel better. Just the fact that I did it raises my spirit. I also like to study our disease and write about our disease to keep my mind engaged.
Lastly, I need and enjoy spiritual time. I am most spiritual when I am talking with another PC warrior who is struggling. I get their fear and hope to give them am ear and to let them know they are not alone. I also listen to spiritual music while I work out. For me being “spiritual” is being connected.
I am absolutely convinced that cancer’s biggest weapon is loneliness. And us guys, love to crawl into our cave and sulk. We need to share our pain, our fears, and our hope! Again, it’s an “and.” We have the power to thrive with cancer. Yes, we must make some decisions, form new habits, and lean into some discomfort and I suggest the benefits significantly outweigh the costs.
For example. I am 68 years old. I am a mid-handicap golfer and love the sport. I have hired a physical trainer and a swing coach to help me improve my game. Saturday I will spend the better part of a day with a Sports Psychologist to help my mental game. And in a week I will go to a three day golf school. I probably will never win my club championship or compete in a significant way as an amateur but I am committed to learning and growing my golf game which is one of my go to thriving places.
I also love to love my wife. I look for chores to help her day be better. I love to cook a special meal or buy her flowers. I love to sit and talk with her and listen to her struggles. Remember our wives/partners are going through our cancer also.
We all can find that special place to thrive like spending time with a grandchild, a friend, or out in nature. We have to the gift of life, even when it’s hard, and can reach out and help another guy in a similar place. So, lets thrive together!
I would love to hear about your go to ways to thrive. Peace Denis

Thanks for the response. The distinction thrive over survive , for me, is partially attitudinal. For example, I just read a post form a guy who went on ADT and did not start exercising until he had put on a bunch of weight. His recommendation was to be proactive and get ahead of the curve. To me the later is thriving. Surviving tends to be reactionary. I am exploring the concept of thriving and I believe it is a significant part of how we beat cancer. One of the most devastating parts of having cancer, in my experience, is feeling like you have lost control.

By adopting a thriving mentality and behavior, we take back control and can live a fuller life. I am early in the writing process about thriving, as I just finished writing about the basics of prostate cancer. For me writing is one of my mental thriving activities. I exercise the brain muscle, which feels good and just maybe the outcome will help others. Thanks for the article I will put it on my list to read! Denis

I'll buy your book, Denis. Go for it.

BTW, which 3-day golf school are you going to? I've been thinking of doing a 3- or 4-day golf school for seniors the next time I'm in Florida visiting family. My goal is modest: a simple, repeatable swing that'll keep me in the fairway and out of the hazards (excuse me: penalty areas) well into my 80s (age and score). Feel free to email me privately if you want.

Thank you Denis! Every day we are not in the hospital we are thriving. Kind of an out of site out of mind plan. The more golf the merrier is what I say! Our friends and family keep us busy - We are constantly on the move and hope to keep it that way as long as possible.

Loving your attitude!
Stay well.

Brooke