Dad has stage 4 prostate cancer

He all. I am new here. So where to begin. Well my dad just celebrated his 71st birthday in February but right before that we found out his PSA level was 840. He has been on testosterone shots for years and his doctor had not checked his PSA in years. So when he finally did check, well here we are. Bone scans, of course, stage 4, spread to lymph nodes, cervical spine, ribs, shoulder, and both femurs. He did a lupron shot already. Thought he was suppose to start chemo but the oncologist said let’s see how the xtandi does for 3 months and check back in July. He says he hasn’t felt this good in years, since now his joints don’t hurt being off those shots. He has no pain from the cancer. He walks over an hour a day, and the doctor told him to keep that up to keep his bones strong. I mean he has a quad by pass 4 years ago and has had diabetes and heart disease since his early 30’s and this crap which came and we had no idea is what is going to take him out. I feel like I was shorted somewhere, ya know.
Here is also my deal. My mother is the absolute worse. Like my dad has been married to her for over 53 years, I have known her for 37 years. She is a nightmare. It is all about her, all the time. You feel sick, she is sicker. You have a disease she has it too. Like no lie. Something is literally wrong with her everyday. And I mean everyday. When my dad got diagnosed, so got way worse. Her illnesses got way worse that she even had my dad take her to the hospital. And stay for days. Her freaking potassium was low. And she told them she was throwing up for days, which in those 4 days she was throwing up, I talked to her every day, never mentioned it to me. I just know when my dad starts getting more attention she is going to get worse. And want to do bigger to get more attention. She thinks he is fine because he appears fine and he didn’t do chemo yet. It’s just so much. It literally is so much. There are 6 kids and I live over an hour away and I’m going every other weekend because I know when he gets sick she won’t t tell anybody and she won’t take
Care of him. Sorry I have vented so much. Any resources or anything please send my way.
Bottles of vodka hahaha jk

Candy, not much to add to Halberts comments, just want to welcome you to the forum. Sounds like your Mom is not gonna change so you’ll have to just keep it in perspective, and focus on your dad. As Hal said, this is a not great, but very manageable situation, and hopefully the meds will keep the beast in check for many years.

Hello CandyKing14 ~~~

I'm sorry for your dad's diagnosis.

At this point, I would put your mother's tendencies aside, as best as you can, because that isn't helping your father's treatment plan. An "armchair psychologist" might feel she is somehow seeking negative attention, in ways that are self-centered?

Putting that aside --- your dad needs expert care, as his case is rather serious.

I'm thankful he has already had the LUPRON shot --- that's a huge first step, that helped me considerably, when I was first diagnosed. My course of treatments is shown below my signature, as a reference point.

The addition of XTANDI is also a powerful step. I am on ZYTIGA --- and XTANDI is used in a similar way.

I have a concern, to be honest --- my cards laid down on the table. Your father's PSA is over 800 --- with metastases in quite a few bones.

That raises a "RED FLAG" for me --- in the details of your post --- when you stated your father would not be checking in with his doctor until July?!!?!!

My humble advice, looking out for your father --- I think it would be good to have a check-in within a month from now ---- with NEW labs requested --- to see if the LUPRON and XTANDI are already starting to have an impact.

Labs and bloodwork are easy to do --- and I personally feel that your father needs more follow-up care than an appointment that isn't until July.

It's still April --- and July is a long time away, with his serious cancer diagnosis. I simply want all the best for your father, based on the details you shared.

One additional thing I would add ---- based on my own experience --- the next time your dad has labs, make CERTAIN the doctor also requests a testosterone level report.

You need to make certain the LUPRON and XTANDI are working together effectively to suppress the testosterone levels, as that is part of the "fuel" that feeds prostate cancer cells.

Each case is different --- but in my case, I see my oncologist monthly --- and he also has me do new labs, each and every month, to stay right on top of things.

It's tremendous that you are visiting your father frequently --- I'm thankful you live fairly close.

I honestly feel a quick check-up, in about a month, would pay dividends --- and allow you to start building some data to see if your father's initial treatments are having a noticeable impact.

Your dad has everything to gain from staying in closer contact with his medical team. July is a long time for the "wait and see" approach --- with a PSA of over 800.

There's nothing wrong with seeking out a second opinion, too --- your father's case might merit this, since his cancer is metastatic. Have you considered visiting a well-known cancer treatment center such as Johns Hopkins, Siteman Center in Saint Louis, M.D. Anderson in Texas, Mayo Clinic, and so forth? It's something to mull over.

Continue to provide support and understanding to your dad, as you have been doing. He may need you to be an advocate, for his ongoing healthcare treatments.

As my health history below shows ---- treatments can help --- and treatments can bring HOPE!

Please keep us informed --- we're here to provide encouragement, insight, and support!

With my best to you and your father,
CYCLONE ~~~ # Iowa State University

Hi Candyking - Deep breaths and vodka work wonders. I have also found just recently that the podcasts on Metastatic Prostate cancer are calming my nerves. Listening to doctors from all over the country has been beneficial. If possible try and go to the oncology appointments with your father with loaded questions. We have found that second and third opinions help us with my husbands treatment plan. Keep up the fight!
Brooke

Hello, CandyKing14 ~~~

Just checking in, to see how things are going for your your dad?

Hoping that initial treatments are packing a mighty wallop, and that your father has seen some hopeful news and beneficial results.

Hoping this finds you and your dad doing your BEST!

From across the miles,
CYCLONE TEAM FAN ~~~ # Iowa State University Alumni

Sounds like some horrible doctoring. He has had advanced stage cancer for years right under his doctor’s eyes. Astonishing.

Candy.
Bless you for being your Dads Advocate, he is in good hands.
My reply here is for your encouragement. Just look at my profile/ and stats below. Use the little search box at the top corner of this forum page. Also check out Todd Seals, diagnosed with a PSA of over 3200 15 years ago, currently undetectable PSA. Hopefully here is link to one of his posts: check out his blog too, highlighted in blue.
http://toddseals63.blogspot.com/
https://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=35&m=2670097

Keep the Faith !!!
Wings of Eagles aka Dan in So Cal

Cyclone-ISU said...

Hello, CandyKing14 ~~~

Just checking in, to see how things are going for your your dad?

Hoping that initial treatments are packing a mighty wallop, and that your father has seen some hopeful news and beneficial results.

Hoping this finds you and your dad doing your BEST!

From across the miles,
CYCLONE TEAM FAN ~~~ # Iowa State University Alumni

So sorry I haven’t been on here lately. Thank you so much for checking on me. He is holding steady at the moment. His PSA has went down to 0.048. Which is amazing but he sees his oncologist on July 20th to discuss chemotherapy treatments for the cancer in the lymph nodes. My mom is against it, because she has no clue. She keeps saying she is tired of hearing about my dads cancer and nothing is wrong with him etc.. so its been a very trying time to say the least. He told me last week that she is a narcissist and it’s hard to understand their dynamic but I think after 53 years he just gave up. I have been giving him so much Information and research. He seems to be interested into what I am saying.
I told him I am being selfish, that yes I want him to have quality of life, but my end game is to also give him quantity. So I’m giving him all kinds of information to show him what is out there. There are other hospitals and cancer centers. We are from a small town so it’s not as far advanced as other places. I’m fighting for him. I want him to see my 15 year old graduate in 3 years. Also for my 6 year old to know him more. I lost my only grandfather at the age of 9 and it was really hard. I could use all the support and good vibes from you all. Out of 6 kids I’m the only one. I will be the only one driving him to chemo and taking care of him. My mother doesn’t drive or take care of herself. It’s been a struggle.

Wings of Eagles said...
Candy.
Bless you for being your Dads Advocate, he is in good hands.
My reply here is for your encouragement. Just look at my profile/ and stats below. Use the little search box at the top corner of this forum page. Also check out Todd Seals, diagnosed with a PSA of over 3200 15 years ago, currently undetectable PSA. Hopefully here is link to one of his posts: check out his blog too, highlighted in blue.


http://toddseals63.blogspot.com/
https://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=35&m=2670097

Keep the Faith !!!
Wings of Eagles aka Dan in So Cal

Thank you so much for
The encouragement. I will look at everything right now!

Everyone has offered sage advice. It is important to consult a oncologist who deals specifically with PCa. Be it in Charlotte, Raleigh, etc. Remember that members here have a great deal of experience to draw on.

when you have time google Narcissist.

Mr Bill

Hi CandyKing - I haven't been on here for some time, so just seeing your posts now. You've got excellent advice and support from many here on the PCA front, but I just want to chime in some on the situational dynamics and your fathers thoughts re the GP.

Though it's hard, I totally can understand where you're father's thoughts appear to be. As an observer, I see that his mindset is "what's done is done" and wishes to focus on dealing with the now and moving forward. In many respects, that's a very healthy and useful approach as it keeps one focused on the game plan today and tomorrow.

As to the family dynamics, been their done that with my wife's parents. It's no fun, but do your best to ignore and recognize that you can only control your own actions and reactions. Deep cleansing breaths, occasional vodka (in my case a daily glass of wine) as needed.

Your dad is blessed to have your love and ongoing support!