Feeling defeated

I was gonna look up something about prostate cancer with brain metastases and as I typed out my Google search, “prognosis” auto populated.

Foolishly, I abandoned my original search and clicked on it.

Dr. Google has failed me a host of times and maybe, just maybe, what I saw was erroneous … I can only hope.

Jeff hasn’t seemed to catch a single break. This nightmare continues to get worse and worse. I understand what the ultimate result is, that bit of knowledge hangs over my head and heart like a dark cloud, but I so desperately wanted my Jeff to rally… to be around a “few” +++ years.

Evidently brain mets are rare with prostate cancer. Through a sea of headlines that predicted 2-6 months life expectancy after brain metastases diagnosis, I only skimmed 1 article that spoke to other cancers that most commonly have brain metastases.

Prostate cancer wasn’t mentioned specifically, but 3 years was seemingly the best case scenario. However, even that article started with grim outcomes up to 3 years.

I allowed myself to believe that we’d see Jeff’s radiation oncologist and he’d schedule radiation which would halt the spread in Jeff’s brain. Right?!

I guess it doesn’t work that way? I dunno. I refused to go down the rabbit hole of Google not knowing if I was reading the most up to date information or from reputable sites.

Basically, I just saw enough to scare me … to devastate me.

We meet with Jeff’s radiation oncologist tomorrow. I wanna know the game plan, but at the same time I wanna put my head in the sand.

I’d like to ask the radiation oncologist what we should realistically expect, but it’s not a question I want answered in front of Jeff.

I’m just feeling so defeated. crapty circumstances… my Jeff deserves better.

I hate to reply with “my wife has a friend” but she has a good friend that goes to Mayo Rochester for brain cancer from breast cancer (or skin cancer) spread and is still around after a couple of years. She was riddled with cancer and is still around going to her treatments weekly or when required now. She talks with my wife weekly, is fully aware of things, and is still hanging in there. The process has not been pretty at times, requiring stays in Rochester, but she lives at home and just commutes when necessary. She knows it is terminal and is doing what she can to survive for as long as possible for her family. Monday should be a good day to get some clarity on the next steps.

Confirm he has been diagnosed with Pca mets to the brain and not brain cancer mets to the brain... they are different I think as well as the prognosis fwiw ...and it is true that in any case I have known man who have lived quite a few years with brain cancer...and much longer than that with Pca cancer in the brain...do not feel defeated that attitude can spread faster than any kine cancer...stay strong....its a tough break.but hope is good food any time of day or night

mattam - Jeff tends to go with flow/take things as they come, doesn’t really talk about his feelings, and rarely if ever researches. When he wants to know something (which is not often) he asks me. I’m only slightly less ignorant on the subject matter than he is, but I do my best to find solid answers.

Jeff routinely talks about the future. Things he’s going to do, places he’s gonna go, things he’d like to get.

I know we have to face the truth, however I don’t want Jeff’s spirit damaged. I’d rather worry for him while ensuring we’re doing everything we can to treat him.

Currently he actually feels good. His pain is managed. He’s even still working. Aside from the very brief incident with blurry vision/disorientation, he hasn’t experienced any symptoms in regards to the brain mets.

Reading (skimming) the side effects of end stage brain cancer is something else I wish I’d never seen.

😭😭😭 I just want him to be ok and if he can’t be, my God, I don’t want him to suffer… not emotionally or physically.

My heart hurts ☹️

Sorry you are dealing with this Stephanie. Keep fighting the good fight. And plan for fun....maybe lunch/movie/game/shopping whatever it is you both enjoy.

I think there's still a lot you don't know. Good luck with the RO and let us know how it goes. Wishing you all the best!