Posted 10/26/2012 7:54 PM (GMT 0)
Not sure why I wrote this, but I guess it was some type of therapy for me:
The PC Express
Several have referred to our experience that we’re going through as a journey. I can appreciate that. Sometimes I think of my own journey as the only passenger on a big locomotive train heading for an overpass, high up, and the bridge has yet to be built. Welcome aboard the PC Express.
The engine in my train is very powerful and is able to reach high speeds with little effort. Slowing this train down isn’t easy. There are many cars attached to the engine. Some have an impact, I'm told, on how fast the train will go.
My train is generally comfortable. I have access to all the cars on the train and am able to participate in life on the train. I’m able to go to the exercise car. I’m told somehow that daily exercise will slow this train of mine down. I do that, but I can’t tell one way or the other if the train slows down or not. For me, the speedometer is broken. Mine says zero or close to that and yet the train seems very fast.
I eat most days at the healthy car. This too is supposed to help to slow the train somehow. No individual proof, but yet I need to eat - so might as well eat here. This car also is equipped with supplements and meds that have an impact I’m told.
I keep the temperature in my cabin at a very high temperature. I’m told that it too helps to slow it down. I notice I sweat sometimes and my thoughts are in a different place than they use to be. The train seems to be slowing, but it’s tough to guage.
I see other trains go past me hurriedly and it worries and saddens me. They are getting to the overpass quickly. Some other trains stay with me. We shout out the window and I enjoy the camaraderie. Most trains I see, however, are in my rearview mirror. Those trains seem nice. They are calmer, more relaxed, and concentrate on different things. They are not so aware of the danger ahead.
Out the window and through the naked eye I can only see the beauty of the countryside. Only through the F18 binoculars can I see problems with the track ahead. I’m able to radio ahead to get the tracks in place, but only a few workers can attend to my calls. I’m afraid of all the calls I’ll have to place.
I don’t see the actual bridge, or the lack thereof. I’m told that people are trying to build the bridge, but progress is slow. It seems for decades the bridge didn’t move at all. But in the last few years it has gained considerable height.
Not sure if this train will slow or if the bridge will be built. For now, I will put the binoculars down and try to enjoy the ride. I’m told there is good food in the dinner car and a guest has visited.
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The PC Express – Part 2
Several months had passed and I could tell something was happening. The trees and the clouds seem to move by slower than before. I also noticed that the temperature had become more comfortable; not as hot as it once was. Something was happening for sure. I just didn’t know what it was. To my surprise, I saw a train station up ahead. I’d only seen one other train station several years ago. That train station was for the town of Cure. The train flew right by that station; so fast I could hardly read the sign. But this time, it looked like the train was going to stop.
As the train approached the station, the welcome sign slowly came into focus. I then remembered hearing about this place..read about it in several magazines and newspapers…but, never did I think that this would be a destination for me. Yet, the train was definitely coming to a stop and the sign was clear, “Welcome to Remission”.
Just as I had no option to board the train, I had no option to stay on the train. The train eventually came to a complete halt and I exited it with conflicting emotions. I was excited to leave the train, but nervous because I did not know what to expect in this town called Remission. I had grown accustomed to my life on the train with all its oddities and routines. I now faced a world I knew in a former life. I remembered that life. It was filled with much less worry and so much more certainty for the future. So much had changed from being on the train that I didn’t know if I could be even a small percentage of what I was
before. But I had no choice and remembered all the good things I read about this place.
Before I walked down the last step of the train, I vowed to myself to cherish each and every day that I had in Remission. I was well aware that for travelers with my baggage – they usually only stay but for a fleeting time.
As I walked away from the train, what appeared to be the conductor came up to me and gave me some instructions. He told me that the train that I was departing from will always be here, waiting for me. Once a month I was to meet him at that exact spot and he would tell me if I would need to board it or go back into the town. I didn’t ask any questions and headed far away from him and the train.
Almost immediately I began thinking of things that I had not thought of for years. I walked a little different and things just seemed to be so much clearer. Train passengers just want to be normal. And that was what I was beginning to feel.
It was easy to get into a false sense of security in my new, old world. I sometimes even forgot that I was a passenger of a train. Many of those in my new world knew nothing of this hidden secret. For some, I shared intimate details of my experiences and fears of the train. But it’s strange. I wanted the best of both worlds. I wanted to be looked at as normal, just like everyone else. Yet, I also wanted them to understand the tracks I’ve traveled; and the fears of the tracks ahead.
I considered building a house in a nearby neighborhood called Durable. Those that lived there seemed to have lived there quite a long time and I wondered and tried to learn everything I could about this area. This was definitely a nice place to live, but I struggled with planning anything. How could I build a house that takes months when I might be on a train in weeks?
As the days and weeks went on, I tried hard to forget about the train. But when the month was up, I headed back to the conductor to see if I needed to board it. His answer didn’t come immediate and the waiting seemed to take forever… not knowing was the worst part of all. But when I heard that I could stay in Remission, even for possibly only another month, it was always cause for celebration.
Because this happened so often it was almost impossible to totally get the train out of my head. It seemed to always be on my mind. Checking in with him would become a constant reminder that I was not in the town of Cure. But I did find Remission to be the next best place. I hoped I could stay there for a very long time.
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The PC Express – Part 3
His name is Charles, but many knew him as Snuffy. Over the years I valued him as my Conductor. I oftentimes looked forward to our conversations about the train and many other things. His intelligence about the PC Express was only matched by the care and compassion he gave to his passengers. I think he was so empathetic partly because he too had been a passenger of this train many years ago. Ironically, he made it his life’s passion to keep passengers off the train for as long as possible.
I visited Snuffy frequently for the next few years. Only once did he tell me to leave Remission and get back on the train. I grew to rely on his wise counsel as he travelled with me. I knew I could always count on him for anything I needed both on and off the train.
One sunny day I was walking down the hills of Remission for my standard visit with Snuffy. I knew something was different this time. He was standing next to the train where he always had before, but this time he looked a bit different…not in his normal uniform and he was carrying a suitcase. Always the class act, Snuffy took as much time as I needed to talk to me. The good news was that I could stay in Remission for now. He did, however, have news about himself. He was retiring. After our long conversation I saw him walk away with his suitcase in hand. I got a glimpse of him holding what appeared to be a boarding pass…for another train. Just like I did not want to board the PC Express, it appeared that he had to become a passenger on another line. The conductor would become a passenger. I was so hoping that he too would find a conductor as great as he was. Losing Snuffy as my conductor would be one of the biggest disappointments of my journey.
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