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Friday humor: Two attorneys walk into a diner and each orders a coffee ...

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Posted 5/27/2022 12:54 PM (GMT 0)
(Okay, this is a joke, but maybe it's more an observation on just how attorneys think).

Two attorneys walk into a diner and each orders a coffee. Then each one pulls a sandwich out of his briefcase and starts to eat it.

The owner sees this, walks over to them and says "Hey, wait a minute! Thanks for ordering coffee, but you two can't eat your own sandwiches in here!"

So the attorneys look at each other, shrug their shoulders, exchange sandwiches, and continue eating.
Posted 5/28/2022 5:30 PM (GMT 0)
Gives a whole new slant on the definition of "Dutch Treat" --- when dining out with friends!

C-Y-C-L-O-N-E ☺🌞☺

P.S. ~ Speaking of DINERS, I had a late breakfast just the other day at one of my favorite diners with an old college friend. Crisp bacon, crispy hash browns, fresh orange juice, and pecan & buttermilk pancakes, slathered with butter and maple syrup! Tremendous!
Posted 5/29/2022 11:21 AM (GMT 0)
Cyclone: On the subject of diners....how do you know you're in a good one? Here's my take: If the "home fries" are yesterday's baked potatoes chunked up and thrown on the grill with some sliced onion, salt and pepper--you've got a short order cook who knows what he or she is doing......
Posted 5/29/2022 3:40 PM (GMT 0)
You've got it, Halbert!

Other considerations ---

You've discovered a great diner if there's homemade strawberry-rhubarb pie in June, the buttermilk pancakes are golden, the bacon is nicely crisp, the burgers have toasted buns & are loaded up with pickles and onions, chili dogs are on the menu, the fries and onion rings keep you coming back for more ~~~ and there's a LONG list of milkshake and malt flavors on the menu --- including pineapple, root beer, black raspberry, butter pecan, and butterscotch!

Here in Iowa, crispy TENDERLOIN sandwiches on a bun - loaded up with mustard, ketchup, pickles, and onions are a favorite.

Whenever old friends from out-of-state come back to Iowa, they always have to stop at a diner for a TENDERLOIN!

C-Y-C-L-O-N-E 🍟🍔🍦🍮🍰🍔🍟
Posted 5/29/2022 4:44 PM (GMT 0)
Ah yes, the Midwest Tenderloin that is so much bigger than the bun.......

If the cook can put out a perfect over-easy fried egg that is still wet in the yolk......
Posted 5/29/2022 6:08 PM (GMT 0)
Stop it, some of us are on a diet consisting of rabbit food. Now I have to go get a tissue to wipe the drool off my mouth. LOL
Jack
Posted 5/29/2022 6:26 PM (GMT 0)
Oh man,
Anything for some grilled Iowa sweet corn dripping with butter. At the time, I sure didn't appreciate what I grew up with in the Hawkeye state.
Posted 5/29/2022 9:23 PM (GMT 0)
July will bring sweet corn season ..

Right now, rhubarb is in season.

Growing up, my great-grandmothers were noted all over my hometown for their homemade pies.

I liked every kind they made ... EXCEPT rhubarb.

One day, Great-Gram said, "You just wait and see. You never know - you just might like rhubarb when you get older."

Truly, in that moment - I was a non-believer in that thought. Pass the peach pie with vanilla ice cream on top - on a June day instead, please!

Her words of wisdom were prophetic ---- nowadays, I love rhubarb pie, rhubard coffee cake, rhubarb cobbler, and strawberry-rhubard jam. I even add finely chopped bits of red rhubarb to my bowls of strawberries!

Back home, my mom makes a rhubarb & CUSTARD cream pie, piled with high meringue, with toasted coconut on top.

I swear she could win the BLUE RIBBON at the Iowa State Fair with that!

C-Y-C-L-O-N-E 🍰🍮🍰🎂🍮🍦🍰🎂🍮🍦
Posted 5/29/2022 9:48 PM (GMT 0)
https://www.bing.com/images/search?view=detailv2&ccid=efp0kyds&id=233f3d43b78ec4cecc378ea39e120832f647649e&thid=oip.efp0kydstyqe8smsjk9jjghajt&mediaurl=https%3a%2F%2Fbanner2.kisspng.com%2F20180715%2Fprw%2Fkisspng-blue-ribbon-clip-art-winner-ribbon-5b4bacc2a65f81.9924120215316860826815.jpg&cdnurl=https%3a%2F%2Fth.bing.com%2Fth%2Fid%2Fr.7853f429876cb58a9ef2c32c264f638e%3frik%3Dnmrh9jiiep6jjg%26pid%3Dimgraw%26r%3D0&exph=1180&expw=900&q=blue+ribbon&simid=608043090281985651&form=irprst&ck=8c3f47e63c1207883b27977fecb67799&selectedindex=23&ajaxhist=0&ajaxserp=0
Posted 6/2/2022 11:47 AM (GMT 0)
Many years ago I made frequent trips to Harrisburg, Pa. I always took the short cut through Cook's Forest. In the forest was a small restaurant that catered to locals as well as visitors to the area. A woman by the name of Mrs. Beasley made all the pies, and her Rhubarb was beyond description. Generally most everything sold out shortly after noon. As a rule I timed my travel so I could stop on the way for a slice. And then on the way home, if not sold out, i bought a whole lemon meringue pie to take home.
One of the little memories when everything was right with the world.
Posted 6/2/2022 12:15 PM (GMT 0)
This Friday is NATIONAL DOUGHNUT DAY ... so, seek out your favorite bakery!

I have my sights set on some doughnuts from a well-known local bakery ~~~ it first opened in 1946, and is one of those "good, old-fashioned" bakeries that are few & far between, nowadays ~~~ frosted LONG JOHNS, pudding-filled BISMARKS, apple cider sugared DOUGHNUTS in the fall, caramel-glazed CINNAMON ROLLS, and the list goes on.

They use the original recipes & baking techniques from decades ago.

The bakers there work through the night ~~~ and the line of customers forms at the crack of dawn. They typically sell out by late morning.

Here's to NATIONAL DOUGHNUT DAY on Friday and a great weekend ahead!

C-Y-C-L-O-N-E ~ # Iowa State University
Posted 6/2/2022 7:51 PM (GMT 0)
My Dad loved Rhubarb pie: Just Rhubarb. No Strawberries welcome. When he was diagnosed with terminal Prostate Cancer, in 2004, and could barely eat anything, he asked for Rhubarb pie. My brother and mother called every store with a bakery in town to find one for him.

National Doughnut day? I feel the need to celebrate tomorrow. There is an awesome Amish bakery near work that does incredible doughnuts and fruit fritters.
Posted 6/2/2022 11:43 PM (GMT 0)
We've harvested some of our rhubarb. It's in the kitchen, just waiting to be baked into a delicious rhubarb pie tomorrow. Delicious. And I will put my wife's pie crust up against anybody! Yum! Definitely a GFMPH treat.

Post Edited (clocknut) : 6/2/2022 5:46:06 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 6/5/2022 7:21 AM (GMT 0)
Not there either....

God visited a woman and told her she must give up smoking, drinking
and sex if she wants to get into heaven.

The woman said she would try her best.
God visited the woman a week later to see how she was getting on.

"Not bad" said the woman, "I've given up smoking and drinking but
then I bent over to get some stuff out of the freezer and my boyfriend
caught sight of my long slender legs, he pulled up my skirt, pulled my
knickers to one side and made love to me right then and there."
"They don't like that in heaven, said God.

The woman replied: "They're not too happy about it in Costco either."
Posted 6/5/2022 9:19 AM (GMT 0)
Han Solo sent his steak back at the restaurant. It was Chewy.
Posted 6/5/2022 1:37 PM (GMT 0)
"The Pretzel Hold"
The Big Ten was in the midst of the Conference wrestling championship. Ohio State was meeting Michigan, and the Ohio State Coach told his 180lb wrestler that the wrestler from Michigan was very tuff, and whatever he did, do not let the Michigan wrestler get him in the Pretzel Hold. He explained to his wrestler that no one had ever gotten out of the pretzel hold, ever.

The match started and it was going well for the Ohio State wrestler. But all of a sudden the Michigan wrestler put on a dazzling move, and he had the Michigan wrestler in the dreaded pretzel hold. The Ohio State Coach just buried his head in his hands, as he knew his wrestler was going to lose.
All of a sudden he hears the crowd yell and scream, and he looks up, and his wrestler has his hand being held up as the winner.
He runs up to the wrestler and asks, "how did you get out of the pretzel hold. No one has ever been able to get out of the pretzel hold."
His wrestler tell the coach he was doing well, "and all of a sudden he had me in the pretzel hold. Coach, I was upside down and I looked up and there was a pair of testicles in front of my face, and I just bit into them as hard as I could. And Coach, do you know how bad it hurts when you bite your own testicles?"
Posted 6/7/2022 8:35 AM (GMT 0)
A Farm Kid Joins the Marines
Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all the places get filled up.

I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting used to sleeping late now. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your bunk and shine some stuff. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.

Men got to shave but it is not that bad, because there's warm water here. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.

We go on "forced marches," which the platoon sergeant says is necessary to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "forced march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in big trucks.

The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.
This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting awards for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it.
You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though,
they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with them boys back home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake . I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,

Alice
Posted 6/7/2022 1:29 PM (GMT 0)
Steve 'n Dallas -

LOL!

Based on personal experience, I can tell you that your story is a LOT closer to real life than one might think!

When I was in ROTC training at Ft. Bragg, N.C., summer of 1967, to become an Army officer, I remember that my training platoon, about 60 guys, was made up of all kinds of guys from all over.

But I certainly do recall that we really did break down pretty evenly into the "city guys" (like me) and, shall we call them, the "rural types."

Well, during things like PT (Physical Training, which, army style, is, let's say, a bit rugged), while we "city guys" were collapsing to our knees and gasping for air, the "rural types" were just standing there, doing fine, and eating it up.

Or during the mile run in full combat gear ("full load" they called it, and pretty heavy, too), guess which group would always come in first?

Toward the end of training we city dudes did start to close the gap a bit, but from the start it was very clear that the rigors of boot camp were just regular stuff to the boys who grew up in the wooded areas.

Your story also reminds me of a scene in the old film "Sergeant York" (1941) where, when on the firing range, York shows his army comrades just how well an ole country boy from backwoods Tennessee can handle a rifle:

https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=seregeant+york+shooting+range+youtube&view=detail&mid=9b6e209a34bfa87bc2159b6e209a34bfa87bc215&form=vire

But as for your story, it was indeed pretty close to reality for me!
Posted 6/11/2022 1:35 PM (GMT 0)
Yes, I eventually learned....

I was 14 the first time I went to the neighborhood drugstore to buy a pack of condoms. In those days it took a lot of guts to walk into the drug store and ask for condoms because everyone knew everyone else.
Mary, the cute, curvy, redhead girl behind the counter, was almost 20 and knew what they were for. She could see that I was really embarrassed because I turned red and started stuttering.
When Mary handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one, I said ‘No, not really.'
So she unwrapped the package, took one out, and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure.
Mary could tell that I was still confused, so she looked all around the store to see if there were any other customers. Then she said 'Just a minute,' and walked me into the storage room. Then Mary took off her blouse and bra and said ‘Do these excite you?'
Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was stand there with my mouth open and nod my head. Mary told me to put the condom on, and then she dropped her skirt, took off her panties and laid down on a desk.
'Well, come on', Mary said, 'We don't have much time.' So I climbed on her and it felt so incredible that I couldn’t hold back and KAPOW, I was done in less than a minute.
Mary looked at me with a big frown and said, 'Did you put that condom on?' I said, 'sure did,' and held up my thumb to show her.
Then she beat the tar out of me....
Women have always been hard for me to figure out.
Posted 6/17/2022 6:50 AM (GMT 0)
I can hear the complaints now.....

A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher of 16 year olds.
She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone,
while all the other kids are running around having fun
kicking a ball.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
"You ok?" she says.
"Yes", he says.
"You can go and play with the other kids you know", she says.
"It's best I stay here", he says.
"Why is that sweetie?" says the blonde.
The boy looks at her incredulously and says..
"Because I'm the goalie!"
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