Has PCa been the worst death-scare of your life so far? Or have there been others, even worse?

By "death-scare," I mean an experience that has occurred so far during your life that has caused you to think "This is it. I'm going to die now!"

That is, have you ever had an experience, or event, or maybe even a few of them over the years, such as a serious illness, a heart attack, a bad traffic accident, a near drowning, or such, that was so severe or menacing in the danger it posed to you that you genuinely thought at the time "This is it?"

While it may seem an odd, perhaps even morbid, question to ask, I think it has value. Namely, because answering this question lends perspective to the matter of what thing in our lives has actually impacted us the most, including our experience with PCa, in terms of making us believe that the end was imminent.

And by impacting, I mean emotionally, something that scared us so much at the time that we thought it was over, while, statistically, say, that something may not have been anywhere near as dangerous in reality as we were emotionally feeling that it was.

Such as was likely the case for each of us when we got the PCa Dx. Statistically, the odds were with us that the beast wouldn't wind up killing us, at least not any time soon, but when we heard the word "cancer," we instinctively went into death-scare mode emotionally.

But getting back to the "value" aspect of this topic, I would think that by comparing the "death-scare" events that have happened to us in our lives, and even ranking them mentally in terms of the emotional impact that each has had on us, then that may give us the aforementioned perspective. And quite possibly showing us that the PCa experience maybe hasn't been as ominous as some other events in our lives have been, and that brings us to conclude that, if we can master the fear that those other death-scares caused in us, then we can surely do the same for PCa.

So at this point I will follow my own suggestion, and cite what for me are the top three death-scare events that have happened to me in my own lifetime so far, in order of degree of fear that they generated in me, with a little commentary on each:

1. A severe salmonella infection, age 20. Hospitalization for what I initially thought was just a particularly bad flu-like stomach bug, but which rapidly turned into the absolutely worst body illness experience I've ever had in my entire life. (I was later told it was salmonella). Take the worst flu-bug illness you've ever had and multiply it by a factor of ten. At the worst point of it, I felt so bad I actually started to think I was slipping away.

2. Service as a soldier in Vietnam, age 23-24. There were a handful of occasions, maybe four or five, especially during nighttime mortar attacks, with Viet Cong mortar rounds landing and exploding in my vicinity, when I thought it was over.

3. The PCa experience, 2011-present. Most of the death-scare for this dates to the initial DX in December 2011, when I first got the news. But from then on, I slowly adjusted to the new reality, with death-fear lessening over time. Maybe that's the way it happened for most of us.

So as you see, PCa for me actually came in third. Again, perspective, so that, in a way, whatever death-scare the PCa had generated in my life seemed not so bad when compared with those other two such events that have happened to me so far.

Or, can you honestly say that PCa has been the only real death-scare you have ever had so far in your life? Well, if that's so, then at least it can now serve you as the benchmark, against which you will be able to compare future death-scares, as they arise.

And if you would like, perhaps you might post below, in order of severity, your own shortlist of the death-scares that have occurred in your own life, as noted above, things like heart attacks, accidents, etc., and likely including PCa. Note in particular: is the PCa death-scare at the top of your list, or is it further down?

And then talk about the perspective that listing and comparing them may have given you.

So that you may come to say to yourself, "The PCa death-scare was bad, but actually not as bad as the one for the [fill-in-the-blank] that also happened to me!"

Perspective.

And perhaps in doing so we come to realize that it really is true that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself, when analyzing the death-scares we have had so far in our lives.

"No, the worst was when I got my draft notice."

<grin!>

My PCa diagnosis had the most staying power and also occurred when end of life issues seem more relevant, not the invulnerable state of mind that young males seem to have. Like many of our generation (boomers), Viet Nam was a scary thought from draft number on up but I was in college at the time and war ended in '73. Did go for Armed Services Physical in Chicago hoping to get rejected before getting student deferment (stupid move on my part but it made me not flunk out).

In no particular order:
• breaking through Lake Michigan shore ice into lake with friend, still don't know how we got out of that.
• hearing shots at 7:30am in rural Illinois town and the fellow next to my brother goes down with a leg wound from some nut-ball riding a lawnmower and shooting at people.
• acute prostatitis on business trip and flying home with fever, blood in urine, etc.
• Almost every drinking adventure in college was a near death experience or felt like it the next day.
• The number of times doctors told me how lucky I was. If I was lucky, I would not be in the emergency room.

I've only had a few. . . in no particular order:

1. When I was about 2 1/2 years old, I was in a pet shop. I was fascinated by a monkey in a cage. I pointed. He grabbed my right hand and started gnawing on it. I yanked my hand back and cracked his head on his cage bars in the process. He did not survive the incident, and for a while it was touch-and-go for me, too. Blood poisoning was a big issue back in the early 1950's. Fortunately, family doc made house calls, daily, for about a month. Not only did I live, but also kept full functionality of the hand.

2. At age 52, was diagnosed with a congenital heart condition. Turns out, my father and most of his siblings had it as well. None of them lived past their late 60's. I had open-heart surgery to correct the issue, and had lots of complications in recovery. Now, at 75, have to monitor it twice annually with cardio.

3. PCa diagnosis. Wasn't expecting it, but with rising PSA, was not totally surprised. Had SBRT 6 1/2 years ago (semi-early adopter). PSA took 6 years to reach nadir of 0.26.

So, I hope nobody else donates any more roller-coaster tickets to me. I've had enough of the up's and down's, and just want to live my life. . .

A few very close calls, the direct result of youthful foolishness. Quickly forgotten until realizing later in life how close the calls were.

For me, PCa death has become a nagging shadow that follows me everywhere, especially as the ADT clock keeps ticking. But so what? Something is going to get everyone. It's still annoying though.

I was sitting on the floor of the cargo area of a Cessna flying from Sky Harbor to Glendale in Phoenix. We were taking the airplane back for maintenance because a door kept coming open during landing. I was sitting down straddling the door with both feet. The pilot made a high banked turn and the door flew open. Even though I didn’t fall out, I can still see the beautiful unobstructed night lights of Phoenix in my nightmares.

That death scare doesn’t compare to giving CPR to my young daughter who stopped breathing. That was due to her trachea closing down from a respiratory illness. She started breathing again after several minutes of CPR. That is when my heart started beating again.
My best to all,
Jack

Post Edited (Jack64) : 4/18/2023 10:02:52 AM (GMT-8)

It would have to be being wounded in Vietnam in 1969. They had to medavac me out of there and it was 1am or so. I was on a stretcher and I remember the helicopter flying close to the tree tops. At that time I wished he was flying higher, but realized later that flying at that level made it more difficult to see. While in the hospital George Goebel and miss America came through the ward one day. I broke into a grin when I saw George, and told him that he was my father’s favorite comedian.
Michael

Lots of references to Viet Nam. Thanks to all of you who served, for your service.
Had this not been mentioned, i wouldn't have thought of it but yes, i guess one of my scares would have to be drawing Number 9 in the draft lottery. I was then scheduled for my phsyical and was scared to death that i was going to be sent to Nam. I think it was about a week before my scheduled physical at Fort Hamilton in Brooklyn, that an end to the draft was announced.
There is a part of me that wishes i had served. I feel some sense of guilt having not, even though most of my friends did not, and those who did went into the reserves. But being honest with myself, i think if i got sent to Nam, theres a really good chance I wouldn't have survived. I'm just not that strong.

oK, enough rambling. PCa diagnosis was a scare for sure. It was the first time i was ever forced to face my own mortality. I recall actually crying at the hospital when i went for my bone scan. But i soon realized this was not life threatening for me, although maybe quality of life threatening. Having BCR wasn't fun either, but it was less traumatic, because i was more educated. Plus the fact that my PSA rose very slowly from questionable BCR to pulling the trigger on SRT and ADT, so it wasnt a shock.

But the biggest scare for me, was when i had a positive ekg, echo and stress test which led to a diagnosis of Coronary Artery Disease with heavy plaque load, and 2 stents. That was 6 months after my Prostate surgery, i was just getting back to (new) normal.Then boom. Heart disease for me was way more scary than PCa. I felt like a ticking time bomb, and i was very depressed for months. But i fought through it and i am still here (knock wood) 8 years later. Fingers crossed, i still worry.

81GG, very interesting post and very thoughtful perspective, thank you

I had one at a young age, that I didn't think about at the time--I was 6, and we were on Gibraltar. Climbing the stairs inside the square castle tower, I fell. I went down maybe a dozen steps, and landed in the corner. If I had gone the other direction, I could have fallen 100 ft or more.

Then, just a few months after PC treatment, I fell asleep driving, at 60+ mph, on cruise control. I woke up less than 5 seconds before hitting a concrete culvert, did a perfect bank shot across the road and missed a mailbox by a foot. I had no idea the air bag had gone off until I saw it in my lap.

81GyGuy said...
By "death-scare," I mean an experience that has occurred so far during your life that has caused you to think "This is it. I'm going to die now!"

And perhaps in doing so we come to realize that it really is true that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself, when analyzing the death-scares we have had so far in our lives.

Reading the responses I can only think how lucky I must have been. I have not had to face this so far. Even with the PCa thing, my doc told my wife who then told me it's "early" and "curable" so I was frantic but peaceful; certainly not scared of dying. Hopefully I'll go quietly in my sleep...w/o pain or fear. Wouldn't that be the best?

Jim

Prostate cancer wasn't a scare because I didn't think there was an imminent threat. As it turns out so far, I was right. The bigger scare was melanoma in 1985 - a mole the size of a quarter removed from my back. I thought then I was a goner. But luck was with me - it was large but not very deep. Other than having a six inch scar on my back from the wide excision and annual trips to the dermatologist I beat that one. I worked with a guy years later who wasn't as lucky. Other guys at work were saying it was "only" skin cancer. But he and I knew otherwise. He died a couple of years later.

As for Vietnam, I was a radioman sailor at a coastal surveillance center. I carried a rifle but never had to fire it. The only sort of close call was my second or third day in country. I was stuck in transit in Saigon waiting transportation north to Danang. I and a few other dumb new-in-country sailors were sent on a work detail to load a boat that would take supplies up river. The river was really wide where we were and we could hear an occasional rifle shot from the other side. I for one didn't think much of it until one of the Marine sentries came over from their sandbagged guard post and said "you guys know he's shooting at you, right?" The thought hadn't crossed my mind. We finished the job staying carefully behind the docked boat as much as we could.

This has inspired me to further consideration of several topics and I find that stimulating in many ways. Thanks for posting up.

Wow clocknut. I’m not sure if you’ve had terrible luck or great luck to get through all that. I hope the long Covid fatigue resolves soon