Friday joke (Apr. 12): a guy has been marooned on a desert island for several years ...

A guy has been marooned on a desert island for several years.

One day, as he is sitting on the beach and staring out at the ocean, he suddenly sees a beautiful woman walking out of the surf toward him, wearing a wet suit that has three zipper pockets on it.

As she approaches him she says “I bet you haven't had a good smoke in a long time."

“No, I ran out years ago,” he replies.

So she unzips one of the pockets and pulls out a fine Havana cigar and lighter. She says “Here, you enjoy this,” and as she gives it to him, he puts it in his mouth, lights up, takes a big puff, and says "Oh yeah!"

She gets closer to him. Then she says “And I bet you haven't had a good drink in a long time, either."

"That's a fact," he replies.

So she unzips another pocket, pulls out a flask of Jack Daniels along with a shot glass, and offers them to him. He takes them, pops open the flask, fills the glass full, and downs it in one gulp, saying "Oh YEAH!"

Then she gets closer still, almost on top of him, and she whispers in his ear “And I'm sure you haven't played around for a while, either."

“Oh my goodness," the guy exclaims, "don't tell me you've got a set of golf clubs in that third pocket!"

There was a guy taking a job interview for the Postal Service.
Interviewer: We occasionally have meals together, do you have any odd dietary issues?
Man: I don't drink coffee, or anything with caffeine.
Interviewer: (makes a note) OK, no problem Have you served in the Military?
Man: Yes, 1 tour each in Iraq and Afghanistan
Interviewer: OK, that gets you extra points on your score. Were you injured in your military duties?
Man: Yes, we got hit with and IED and I lost both Testicles.
Interviewer: (grimaces) Oh wow. That, however, gets you extra points on your score, so I can offer you the job right now! When can you start?
Man: I can start next Monday
Interviewer: Great. Our normal hours are 8-5 with an hour lunch. You can come in at 10 on Monday.
Man: Why 10?
Interviewer: Well, this IS a government job, you know. You don't need to come at 8 because we spend the first 2 hours drinking coffee and scratching our balls.