HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

Depression Following Prostate Cancer Surgery

Support Forums
>
Prostate Cancer
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
12
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 12/26/2006 11:35 PM (GMT 0)

I've been reading the posts and haven't seen anything mentioned regarding depression.  My husband had robotic surgery in mid-October and has had moderate incontinence problems since the cath removal.  In these past 2 months, there has been improvement as far as number of pads being used has decreased, able to walk around now without leaking and not afraid to go out in public, able to cough, sneeze, and stand up now without leaking, and is able to remain almost, if not completely dry during the night.  The worst part is his job as a machine mechanic - requires alot of bending, squatting, lifting, pulling, which triggers most of the incontinence.  He returned to work 6 weeks post-surgery, and for the first several days, found he could not perform his normal duties because of the incontinence.  We both realize he has made improvement, but for him, it is not quick enough and is dragging on too long.  He gets frustrated and discouraged that this process is taking so long and that he cannot perform some functions as he did pre-surgery.  We realize that the healing process is different for every man, but I'm looking for some feedback from men in similar situations that could help boost his morale.  He is mid 50's, robust build, a heavy machine mechanic in a manufacturing environment.  His prostate cancer was early stage, and his pathology report prognosis is excellent.  Awaiting first post-surgery PSA test in a few weeks.  Thanks in advance for any experiences you can share.

Posted 12/26/2006 11:56 PM (GMT 0)
Josal,

I can understand the depression that your husband is having. It is bad enough to have to deal with the incontinence and impotence just in a normal home life situation but not to be able to do the job you have done for years really takes it out of you. I am almost 2 months post Da Vinci and my incontinence is still with me. I am retired so I do not have that complication but I do get depressed now and then. It seems that about the time the leaking seems to get better the next day it is worse. The encouragement is that over 90% of the men that have the Da Vinci that is done by an experienced surgeon will become continent. There is a large variation of when from as soon as the catheter come out up to a year after the surgery. My surgeon's experience is that 90% of his patients obtain full continence in 3 to 4 months after surgery. I am not a patient person and I suspect most men are the same way including your husband so waiting is not our best quality. In this case that is what we have to do and have faith and trust in our surgeons that we will become continent.

Tamu
Posted 12/27/2006 12:25 AM (GMT 0)

Hi Josal,

Getting a little down because recovery is not as fast as expected is not an uncommon thing. I was the same way; it took a little longer for me to regain contience (about 10-12 weeks), and even then I estimate about 97% control. Since that time I've gradually improved till now I'm about normal. I did however suffer a few set backs (2 hernia surgeries), and I've developed tendinitis in both feet. I will get better soon, but I have been out of work for 10 months. Before my surgery I would work 40-50 hours a week, and be on my feet constantly through out the day.

Tell your husband to keep exercising (walking everyday is great), and do those Kegels. I believe that the exercises really helped me regain contience, and it also helps to create a sense of well being.

Good luck to you both, and a Happy New Year.

Glen

Posted 12/27/2006 12:43 AM (GMT 0)
12-26   Dear JoSal ~ Does your family doctor know about the depression????   Is he sleeping at night??? In New Friendship ~ Lee & Buddy     12-30 Haven't heard from you so decided to go ahead and add to this post.   Sending a warm welcome …   I hope we can make your journey smoother just by being here for you!   This is a great forum which you’ve already joined… so stay with us and keep us up to date as to how your doing…     It helps all of us ~ to help you ~ if we know where you are on your path. So ~ Please stay with us and take our hand when you need it!   Hope to hear from you soon…  Keep posting.... OKAY!!    Take care and know our thoughts and prayers are with you. In Friendship ~ Lee & Buddy   “God Bless You”   It's a little prayer   ~   "God BlessYou" ...but it means so much each day, It means may angels guard you   and guide you on your way.  
Posted 12/27/2006 2:06 AM (GMT 0)

  I understand how you feel.  I'm about 6 weeks post cathiter and still have quite a bit of leaking when walking, standing, bending.  I had plenty of paid leave from work so I'm not going back until jan 2nd.  Looks like I will still be leaking when I do go back.  Will see how I deal with it.  I work in a manufacturing environment also.  Bathroom facilities not the greatest!  Dr. said I was comming along about average when I went for my last check up.  I would rather have it better.

  Just keep at it.  I will get better!.....KW

Posted 12/27/2006 7:35 PM (GMT 0)
Josal,
I'm sorry you're husband is getting depressed. It's very understandable that a man like him has no patients for the slow recovery. Maybe if he watched a film of a surgery like his he would realize that it was a major surgery they preformed on him. I am noticing that alot of guys who have the DaVinci tend to think that since it is less invacive than a radical, they will heal right up. I think the Doctors may use a bit of propaganda when describing the difference. It's still a major surgery!!! I am in construction although I don't work in the feild, I still have to do alot of lifting and moving material around and almost your husband's age. I know what he is going through! It's a very hard thing for a man to deal with. Aging does the same thing but it's gradual over time while this litterally happens overnight! If you have ever read any of my posts, you would know that I went though 3 + years of denial and depression before I accidently found some help. Does he belong to a support group like US TOO? I never believed that that kind of thing could help me, (a stuborn macho man), boy was I wrong. Talking to other guys in the same shoes as him can be an eye opening experiance to say the least. Does he fish? If so check out Reel Recovery on the net. I attended one of their forums and it was a great turning point in my life. You don't even need to know how to fish and it's free, all you have to do is get to one of their events heild all around the country from May Through November. Check it out! If I can be of any help to him, my E-mail adress is listed in my information here, just click on my name. I'd be glad to talk to him if he doesn't like posting on the forum. Hang in there, it gets better, it just takes time!!!!!
Your friend, Pete
Posted 1/20/2007 8:04 PM (GMT 0)
How ironic........ it's been several weeks since I last read or posted on this board. I've feeling very down lately for a number of reasons, but depression has been hitting me hard lately. So, I get myself to the computer to check in on y'all and what do I see? A post on post-op depression. As for the basics, except for a few accidents when I cough, laugh, sneeze I have my continence. Acheiving and erection is a hit or miss proposition even with an assist with the Viagra. My post-op reports were excellent. So why I ask am I so down?

 

I think Pete hit the nail on the head...... This is MAJOR surgery and a heavy trauma on our bodies. Here I am expecting to be 100% back to normal a mere 39 days after having my insides sliced up to remove a life-threatening cancer. While we heal physically, I think our emotions and spirits have been shaken badly. We have come face to face with our mortality and it ain't a pretty picture to look at. For me, I have had horrible bouts with itching all over my body, sleepless nights, deep anxiety as to my future and trouble coping with even the simplest of life's stresses. Every time I need to pass gas, I have to run to the bathroom even if I am alone.

 

And not to be repetative, along with the surgery I am still dealing with the death of my close friend in the weeks immediately following the surgery helping his wife and my close friend cope with it all,  PLUS my son doing his second tour in Iraq...... I want to crawl up in to a shell and disappear.

 

I think they call it post-traumatic stress syndrome..... whatever it is, we need to dig down deep into our faith in God and ourselves.... I need to start prayer and meditation again. Anyone who does not know how to meditate, please write me directly as it can be a huge help. AS for the prayer part.... that's up to the individual, but I put a list of things I need to come to terms with before I pray.... over time, they always seems to work out in the end when I hand it all over to a higher power.

 

Hope this has been helpful..... love ya all.

 

Jay

Posted 1/20/2007 9:27 PM (GMT 0)
Hi all,

I have also had a good bit of trouble with depression. Most days I feel good and am thankful that I have the surgery behind me and my first post op PSA was 0.0.

But periodically, I get depressed wondering if my Gleason 10 and positive margins mean that the cancer will come back, disappointed that I am still incontinent (when standing or walking) six weeks after surgery, and distressed as to whether or not I will ever regain sexual function (some resonse to 100 mg Viagra but only about 25% of a normal erection.) Basically our lives are at risk, our dignity is taken away, and our manhood is threatened. What a lousy disease.

I think that there is also the fact that my problems go on and on. First I learned that I had PCa (in 09/06.) Next I spent seven weeks researching my treatment options, selecting a surgeon, meeting with the surgeon, and scheduleing the surgery. I had my surgery in early 11/06 seven weeks after my diagonsis and then spent about five weeks at home recovering from the direct effects of the surgery before returning to work. At that point you feel like you ought to be done and recovered but in reality, although I look fine and normal to my friends and co-workers, I am still battling incontinence and impotence. It just goes on and on.

This emotional stuff just bubbles up inside sometimes and pours over me. Like many men, I am not good about opening up about my feelings and emotions even to my wife (I know I should.) For some reason, I can in this chat room some of the time. I am not sure why but it does help.

This is tough stuff. We just have to hang in there. We aren't in control of most of these things and we just have take care of the things that we do control. For me that has included my treatment decisions, improving my diet, more exercise, and getting my legal and financial affairs in order (morbid I know but this again gives me some control and makes me feel like I have done my job to take care of family.)

Most of the time, I am handling all this OK. It is only sometimes that I get overwhelmed by these thoughts and feelings.

Sorry if this is a downer. However, if you read a thread with the word "depression" in the title you are taking your chances.

Ben
Posted 1/20/2007 10:40 PM (GMT 0)
Bravo JaY, Bravo Ben!
Yes it truly has been a $hitty ride! Not physically mind you, us guys are pretty tough! Mentally though, I don't know about that? Just like you said, a couple of weeks after surgery every one looks at you and says, "you look great" and "you reply I am great! everything is great!" What am I suposed to say, "I'm $hit, I'll never be the same ******* guy I was before my ******* surgery and I'm really ******* pissed off about it! and I ******* hate it!!! Thats what I did for 3 + years, kept my emotions to myself never telling the truth. I finally did say just that at the retreat I spoke of earlier in this post. In a room with 10 guys who were either recovering or dying from cancer and 2 very good councelors. I was crying harder than I ever remembered crying in my life and I stood up and yelled those very******* words out at the top of my lungs. My life changed that day, that was the turning point, the reason I'm writing to you now. I looked around the room at the guys in the group and sayed " I'm really sorry for breaking down like that, I'm sorry I'm such a crybaby!" Th head councellor told me that he was really proud of me, that it took real balls to say what I did, that I was the bravest man he'd seen in a long time. The rest of the guys stood up and clapped their hands and then every one of them came over and gave me a hug and said a couple of kind words, Guys that were dying! That was the day I knew I'm not alone, I didn't have to keep it in like
a "man" anymore. Thats when I started to be a real man again. Thats why I let out a little more than most in this forum, some guys on here say I have guts, its not having guts, its not letting it eat me alive any more, no more lies. I'll tell anyone about my cancer and I'll answer every question they have honestly. Before that day I was lying to everyone about my problems including myself. That has changed. And thats all I have for now. Be well and be truthful my brothers! It's the only way to win this battle!
Your brother, Pete
Posted 1/20/2007 11:09 PM (GMT 0)
Right on Pete. I think that this forum is a lot like the meeting that you attended. We are people with a similar problem so we can really open up. Sometimes we help each other by sharing our experiences and giving advice. Other times this is just a place to shout out our woes.

Thanks to all for letting me occassionally vent.

Ben
Posted 1/23/2007 1:52 PM (GMT 0)

Hey Ben and Pete - Thank You!

Regards,

Bill

Posted 1/23/2007 4:24 PM (GMT 0)
Hi to All,

Yep, me too. Some times I feel a bit overwhelmed, and I feel as if a paralysis is setting in. Scary feeling not being able to cope. But I read somewhere that if you just try to achieve one small victory, and then just one more eventually you'll find that depressing feeling will start to evaporate. I'm still working on it, and we will see what happens. (it would help if the Bears win the Super Bowl)

Glen
Posted 1/23/2007 5:03 PM (GMT 0)
Yes, that's an affirmative. A couple of my friends and I have made a friendly token wagger on the playoffs (mainly for bragging rights), and I have been rooting for the Bears. My prediction is Bears 27, Colts 24.

Glen
Posted 1/27/2007 1:40 AM (GMT 0)
JoSal ~   Where are you??     Know that we care and hope over time….things have improved for you and yours. Keeping you close in thoughts and prayers.   In Friendship ~ Lee & Buddy  
Posted 1/27/2007 1:45 AM (GMT 0)
Dear Friends,   Reading your posts many times over leaves me with only one thing that we personally can do to help. Sending special thoughts and prayers to help in your mental healing and a special rainbow “Just for YOU”…   I hope it brings a smile to your face… as it brings a smile to ours ~ knowing it’s coming to YOU!   * T his is your very own R ainbow and it’s sprinkled with S unshine * * ////////////////////// //////////////////////////// /////////////// /////////////////////////// * ////////// /////////////////////////// ///// //////////////////////// ///////////////////// ///////////// ///////// ///////////////////// ///////////// ////////// * ////////// *   T ruly      R elieves      S tress   Directions:    Let this bring a smile to your face and into your heart!                                    Rainbows bring smiles, smiles bring positive energy into your being!!! I witnessed this the other day driving the mountains in North Carolina....  There were dark snowy looking clouds.... deep gray in color and when we turned the bend the clouds were still there but there right in front of us…..coming out of the ground was the most beautiful rainbow I've ever seen.... it was huge!!!  And watching other travelers.... they all had smiles on their faces and they were pointing at the rainbow.    Guess what I thought about when I saw this magnificent rainbow??   Each and every~one of YOU on this forum!!!!   I just had to share this and thought this was the Thread it needed to be on.
Posted 1/27/2007 3:04 PM (GMT 0)

Ben said, "Our lives are at risk, our dignity is taken away, and our manhood is threatened."

Pete said, "I'm really ******* pissed off about it!"  (If you're not, it's 'cause you don't know what is going on.)

This is a deadly serious business, both physicaly and emotionally.  One's choice of treatment doesn't change that fact.  I expect that even the most well balanced of us is real unhappy about all this.

I began my radiation treatment last Tuesday and had difficulty controlling my emotions on the drive home.  In fact, I stopped for a cup of coffee to give me some time to compose myself.  I have been just kind of generally unhappy all week.  It's easier for me than for you guys because my side effects will happen more slowly over time so I will have more time to adapt and adjust.  Yours is a huge blow that happens instantly. 

I have thought most of my life that I have got what I deserved.  If I had done more, I would have received more.  This doesn't necessarily mean that I'm satisfied with my lot in life.  It just means that with me, there seems to be a direct cause and effect.  When I smoked, I got sick in the winter and coughed all the time.  When I quit, I didn't get sick, or cough.  When I eat right and exercise I feel better about myself and have more confidence.  When I don't, I don't.

Prostate cancer is different.  None of us deserved it, but we got it anyway.  This may be an instance where what we do with what we have, is more important than what we have.  Easy to say - not so easy to do.  The thing I work on the most is being pleasant to those around me.  Since I'm grounded that would be my family.  They shouldn't suffer just because I'm unhappy.  With friends and neighbors I put on a brave and happy face.  They deserve no less and in so doing it helps me feel better.  At least at that moment.  And later when I recall that I did the right thing. 

While my daily treatments are painless and short, they are undignified and unpleasant.  The outcome is not known.  Hey Pete!  I'm just ******* pissed off about the whole thing!

Bill


Posted 1/27/2007 3:51 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Bill,

You are so rightt, "None of us deserved it, but we got it anyway." The only cause and effect I could see was in my genes which I have no control over. So the only plan I could come up with was to 1) deal with the cancer in the most efficient way possible, 2) be open and honest with my wife and family about what I knew about the situation and what I am going through and 3) keep a positive attitude about everything. Being able to pee like a 65 year old again is a definite plus!

You are also right about being positive with friends and neighbors. "They deserve no less and in so doing it helps me feel better." It seems to me that an upbeat attitude flows through us. If we show it to others, we get to keep some ourselves.

See ya...

Jim
Posted 1/27/2007 11:54 PM (GMT 0)
I think all of us face depression- that being said- I take Prozac and I truly believe that it's made all the difference to me- Safe drug to take with minimal side effects.

R
Posted 1/28/2007 8:24 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for having my back on that one Bill!
I know that when I let myself get pissed off about my condition it usually is due to the fact that I'm either depressed or on my way to becoming depressed. I'm no where as bad as I was a couple of months ago (pre testosterone theropy) and no I wouldn't have changed the way I did things had I known how it was going to turn out, but it's still there. It's back and fourth, in and out and I can't just be done with it. I get mad at myself for getting pissed because I realize that I am alot more fortunate than alot of guys and being selfish dosn't help me or the people I love, my friends or the ones I work with. I know it dosn't make sence to feel this way but unfortunatly I still do. Being 3 1/2 years past my surgery I know that things aren't going to get any better for me. Yes I'm continent and yes I'm able to get an erection worthy of intercourse but not 100% and it"s not the same nor ever will be the same as I was and I miss it. It's kind of like a part of me died but there was never a funeral or any closing for it. I miss the contractions I used to get and that feeling of ejaculation at the hight of my climax. Yes I still have orgasms and yes they are good but not the same as I had before my plumming was changed and my nerves were rewired. Again, I am glad I still have something there and it is selfish to feel this way. If I just said to all of you everything is fine and it all still works, I wouldn't be lying but then again I wouldn't be telling you the truth about how I feel. For me it just ain't as good as it used to be. I don't know if the rest of the guys who say their orgasns are longer, (mine are too) or more intence (mine are not) or just all around better are being truthful or trying to justifying to themselves because they know in their heart thats what they are stuck with. Someday with time as I get used to the new me and my memory of how it used to be fades I may feel better and differently about my loss. But fore now I still struggle with it!
Sorry to unload! I guess it's one of those days!
Your brother,
Pete
Posted 1/28/2007 10:42 PM (GMT 0)
Pete: We all have our ups and downs. It sure helps me to talk about it. I am glad that this thread was started. We all need to let off steam sometimes.

Two-of-Us: I have been wondering about the Prozac. If if have problems over the long term, I am going to look into that. Sometimes I have trouble sleeping or I wake early and can't get back to sleep, just dwelling on my side effects or worried about recurrence. Does the Prozac help with that? Not so much by making you sleeply but just by helping you to not worry so much.

Ben
Posted 1/29/2007 3:46 AM (GMT 0)

Hey Jim, I'm sure glad that you can pee like a 65 year old. Ya' nut!  : )

Pete, you deserve no less than someone having your back.  I don't think that's what I did, actually.  I just agreed with you. 

I think the world of you guys.

Bill

Posted 1/29/2007 3:32 PM (GMT 0)
Ben,
I've been taking anti depressants for about 10 years or more. I started with prozac way back when and have pretty much tried all of them. I'm taking 150mg of effecsor now. All I can say about all of them except welbutron is that the cause sexual side effects. For me, the make it harder to reach orgasm and also give you that take it or leave it feeling twards having sex. I've always been a person with very highs and very lows, I guess they used to call it manic depressant. I don't know the new name, maybe bipolar? Anyway the meds seem to cut the highs & lows off and keep me in the middle somewhere. The problem I have is I've lost my passion, I don't get the same excitement out of something like catching a big fish. I'm just ho-hum about everything when the pills are working. Now when I had low testosterone, they didn't help at all, I was just plain miserable! But now after I'm getting over the shock and incretable hornies I had when my testosterone levels shot back up to normal through treatment, I'm back to the ho-hums again. I don't like being like this but I guess it's better than the the lows that I'm so prone to. I still go up and down, just not as bad. As you can see I was having one of those days when I posted yesterday *****ing about my orgasms. Today I feel much better, I'm at work and enjoying putting out fires and solving problems. I'm even wistling while doing my job on a Monday! I just never know how I'm going to feel! Just like P.C. it's another of lifes hurdles that I have to get over. So hang in there! If you have any other questions about this subject, let them fly. I'll help if I can.
Your friend,
Pete
Posted 1/29/2007 10:38 PM (GMT 0)
B
I started taking Prozac after we took the business back- ME said i was getting hostile with customers during the day so I started- I've always been a type A anyways- so guess it wasn't surprising.

It really leveled me out with virtually no side effects. I take 20 mg a day and decided to keep taking it after we backed out of the business again. At this point - I'm glad I did!

I have really been pretty level during my PCA experience. That's not to say that I don't worry about it because I do- but I don't seem to obsess about it so I think it has helped me there. I have always been an early riser - so I don't think the Prozac has affected me either way. in that regard.

I didn't notice any side effects regarding sexual activity after beginning the Prozac so i guess each person's mileage may vary.

BTW- ME wants (and I agree) me to encourage you to talk to an Oncologist (if you haven't already done so). It was the best thing we did in the beginning. I got really good info from her regarding my chances under different scenario's of treatment. Of course she was aggressive even when we thought the staging was T1, much less the T3B or C that post-op pathology reported.

Bummer on waking up early- but I think it may happen to all of us as our bodies adjust to the various treatments wher it's surgery, chemo, or radiation.

Also- any continence improvement?

R
Posted 1/30/2007 7:36 PM (GMT 0)
Hi R,

INCONTINENCE: Not much change on the incontinence. When lying and sitting, I have very little or no leakage. As soon as I stand up or am walking around I pretty much have constant leakage. When I stand up after sitting/lying, if I walk quickly to the bathroom, there is enough urine still left in my bladder to practice starting and stopping the stream. This used to only happen in the morning when there would be quite a bit of urine in my bladder. I now notice that it also happens several times during the day while I am at work. Possibly this is a sign that I am now exerting a small bit of control to at least slow down the leakage giving me time to reach the bathroom. However, if I take a few minute or two to reach the bathroom, I am already empty when I get there so I am clearly only slowing the urine a little. I am not stopping it.

DEPRESSION: Thanks for your comments. I am OK right now. I just have some periodic lows but I imagine that is true for all of us wresting with PC. I am going to try to watch myself closely. S also says that she will make me start on meds if I seem "down" for more than about 24 to 48 hours.

ONCOLOGIST: Not a bad idea. I am currently trying to gather all the info that I can on my odds of recurrence due to Gleason 10 and positive margins. I want to be fully prepared for my February 14th appointment with my urologist. I will get through that first and then think about whether talking to an oncologist is also needed. No doubt I am partially influenced by not wanting to talk to someone who will likely recommend further treatment. I will need to be ready for that meeting to be sure that I can get good information but not be upset by a recommendation for further treatment which I then might elect not to do.

Thanks for all your advice on the phone and in this forum. You have been a big help to me. It is much appreciated.

B

Posted 1/31/2007 12:17 PM (GMT 0)
Ben, re: the incontinence - have you tried going to the bathroom at regular intervals, even if you don't have the urge? that advice was from Jeff's doctor. also, are doing your kegels? or maybe too many of them? these are just a few thoughts I had. kat
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
12