What is the orgasm like with no ejaculation?

My husband is young for this prognosis, 53.  Totally healthy otherwise-- healthy lifestyle.  Got the diagnosis November, 2006.  Gleasonscore of 6, PSA 3.5, biopsy: 3 malignant samples out of 12, scattered around the prostate-- no sign its left the prostate. 

Our life together has been happy, fun, overall satisfying.  Our sex life has been great during our 30 years together-- now we face the possibility of ED or at least the loss of ability to ejaculate...  we'll be ok, whatever it is, we'll be doing this whole thing together...

We've been studying books and websites, gone to some support groups, seen several doctors -- but so far, I guess because each man is unique after his treatment, know one, so far, has been willing to speak openly with us about what it "might" be like for us...  also, most of the men in the groups are much older than my husband, and are uncomfortable talking openly about sex.

 

For ease of sharing your thoughts, how about we just assume the best-case-scenario-- that my husband will do very well and be able to maintain a fairly good erection after complete recovery from surgery. 

 

If there is no ejaculation of semen during orgasm: 

1.  How does the he know mentally,  and feel sensually that his climax has reached its peak?

2.  How does he know and feel that he is "finished" with his orgasm?

3.  Is it a weird or bizarre experience for him, does it make him sad, this new kind of orgasm? 

4.  During the orgasm, does he feel the sudden relief from the sexual tension that (pre-prostatectomy) normally builds up during foreplay before orgasm?  This seems to be very key to his satisfaction...

Hopefully,

Akumal

Both you and your husband will know when he's done! I think the sexual tension thing is a bit different, but I know my husband is satisfied. By the way, you do not have to have an erection to have an orgasm. Unless your husband is one of the very few who are able to achieve an erection quickly in the healing process, that part can be quite a wait. But the orgasms do not have to wait for that to catch up!

bec

Daveed,

I happen to be the husband in question. Thanks for your encouraging response, but it begs the question, do you really mean "better than before"? If so, is your experience unique?

Markus the naimnut

Markus

I agree with everything Pete says but for me a part of the sensation that takes so long to complete is I get a sensation that the body is trying to ejaculate something. But this only adds to the intensity

Daveed

Hi Folks

Naimnut, I believe we have similar prostate stats. I can’t recommend robotic surgery enough, as I have said in other posts. The precision that the doctor can use to get the cancer out and the magnified view of the area, as well as the precise stitching that the doctor can do to sew the urethra and bladder back together made it a no brainer for me above the other way of doing surgery. I chose surgery because I am young enough not to want to mess around with radiation as the first line treatment—doc’s stats of 91% cure rate with surgery, given my T1c stage, versus 75% cure rate with any kind of radiation, or the cryosurgery.

I, too, was concerned about the loss of that part (fluid) of the sexual function. I subsequently found that orgasms were better for me. I don't think that my experience is unique, but others contributing to the postings will expand this knowledge base. Pardon the graphic explanation below, but this is where we share information.

Men's sexual response has a number of facets: erection, rising muscle and psychological tension, sensations, ejaculation, and the other muscular contraction components of orgasm. When you get erections back after the surgery, the only thing missing from the whole mix is emission of semen, because the gland that makes the fluid is gone. The prostate also contributes to the pumping of the fluid, but I believe a majority of the pumping is done by the reflex contractions of the pelvic floor muscles and the muscles at the base of the penis. The nerves and muscles to these areas should not be affected by the surgery. The sensory nerves of the penis and deep in the pelvis which contribute to the increase of sexual tension should not be affected by prostate surgery (I can’t say what radiation will eventually do to the pelvic muscle and sensory nerves).

As is often said, the brain is the main sexual organ of the body, and this is where all of the sensations are put together. As long as sensations are intact, you can have orgasms with all the pelvic floor and penis muscle contractions, and the release of tension from the rest of the body, as before (minus the prostate’s contractions and the fluid), even without an erection. I know, because I have had them without an erection. The right nerve next to the prostate that controls erections was cut into during my surgery, and my doctor did a nerve graft to try to help get recovery to this function, but this is going to take some time to return.

The orgasms I have experienced are more intense, actually. Unlike Pete, I do have the contractions. I can totally agree with Pete about the surprise I got when I found out that they go on for a much longer time (I have since thought to myself, wow, if I’d have known this before, I’d have had my prostate out a long time ago!). Not just four or five contractions with emissions, but on and on! Once, as an experiment, with continued stimulation, the contractions went on for almost a minute, and, no lie, with multiple but smaller peaks. Don’t know why they go on longer when there is no prostate or fluid, but this seemed to be a nice compensation for loss of semen. Without this continued stimulation, I would agree with Pete that the sensation of the contractions trails off. Otherwise, the whole body experience is the same. If you weren't watching the penis, you wouldn't know it was different, except for the duration of the peak. Don’t worry, you will know when you are finished, but leave more time for it!

I believe the contractions, and thus the sensations and pleasure, can even be more intense, if one has built up the pelvic floor muscles with the Kegel exercises that are used for bladder control. I have been doing the exercises for years (as a health care provider, I taught the exercises to women for control of incontinence associated with movement or coughing, so I knew the benefit of them), way before the prostate cancer issue came up for me. I think that, maybe, this exercised state contributed to the stronger reflex muscle contractions during orgasm.

So, this is just my experience, and as all have said, everyone is different. But, best case scenario (in my opinion, with regard to orgasm), this is how I found it. I, too, would also be glad to answer any other questions you might have. Good luck on your planning.

All the best,

dj

Hi ~ Ben… You are so right!!! It is extremely important to share “your/our” information.
That’s what makes this forum so powerful!!!!
We let others see that there is more then 1 answer (option). If #1 doesn’t work then they have #2 to go to and 3,4…

We are so grateful to be a part of this very important / informative forum.
Knowledge is Power and Power takes away the fear!!!!

In Friendship ~ Lee & Buddy

Thank you all for your sharing and openness. It is very, very helpful.  I no longer feel like I am looking forward to a totally dark, depressing tunnel.  I think there is hope in there, eventually.

Markus

L

I have felt absolutely no change in sensation in the testicles. Lets see what others say.

Good luck

Daveed

What's it like? FANTABOULOUS!!! Now the wife is so important here. In the beginning encourage your husband to have orgasms with or without an erection most likely it will be without and erection. He really wants to go again and get in the game, but is reluctant, embarrased, and scared about his situation. Like most guys he can't express these emotions very well. Do whatever it takes to get him going again I said. whatever it takes do it. With your help he can and will get up and running but he needs your love and help now more than ever. Thank God for loving caring wives. Like the NIKE slogan says "Just Do It"  57 years old DaVinci surgery 10/12/2006 Now having intercourse twice weekly because of a loving caring wife.

Post Edited (56pontiac) : 2/2/2007 7:36:55 AM (GMT-7)

Thanks Daveed and Tamu! That seems to have cleared up that question! This is excellent advice.

Pete, I do have another question. Hope you don't mind - it follows at the end. And has now been deleted as not helpful in retrospect.

On the physical recovery part. Yes, Yes , Yes, If you aren't doing any physical activity start now and start slow and build up to walking at least 30 minutes to an hour a day briskly. Walking is great any one that can walk can do it. Up and down stairs, up and down hills, all over the neighborhood. Anything you can do to increase your stamina and increase your over all circulation for your cardiovasular fitness will really pay off. As far as diet we just try to do the "Raye don't eat like pig diet" with the excercise it sems to work well. With your attitude creed_three I think your husband will do just fine after surgery in the sexual department.

Thanks again Pete. My husband does not use a computer at all (refuses actually at the moment and has for many years - its a "manual labourer"culture, sort of thing - no need to explain really, just a consideration). He has had no need before to use a computer for work or home, as I usually just print him out things he needs and this works well as I fiddle with computers for both our needs. This will change now I am sure, as I have told him about the wealth of info here on-line, so when he starts learning he will most probably start wth this forum, so my questions now are phrased from his questions during our conversations and paraphrased again in my words - probably a diluted process somewhat! Appreciate your advice under these conditions immensely however, and your openess in responsing to the questions. My husband is still to read these posts, but as the responses come in I am letting him know, and we are much relieved to have some specifics to further work on.

Now that we have had a few weeks to settle and adapt to the diagnosis, his priorities (reading/discussion with me only at the moment) focus on potency recovery specifically, and the actual specifics as detailed here are helpful. We do not actually expect it (full, fast recovery), but hope for it sincerely, as others do I guess pre-operatively. It would be better if he (CJ), could post instead of me, to exlain these questions or even assist, but in time perhaps he might be able to. He is joining a local (men only) telephone group for this reason next week, so hopefully this will be another source of info man to man, which is important.

I will review your story again Pete more closely, and I am sure we will learn lots from your experience. I am hoping for a full recovery for my man too, as all signs (and Dr consults/scans seem to indicate), but we are aware of all the possibilities, so we are realistic at the same time, as nothing is guaranteed. We can only have faith and hope. Thanks for your good wishes and for taking the time to address these questions. kind regards to you. Have a great day in your end of the world.

A few observations here that are mostly covered in the other posts. I was 53 when I had DaVinci robotic surgery in 2005. Most men can remember having orgasms from ********** before they were old enough to ejaculate. That is what orgasm after surgery is like. The sensation is more focused in the glans of the penis and is quite pleasurable. The contractions of the prostate and ejaculation are absent, but there is still a sense of having contractions. In some ways the orgasm seems more intense than before. The scrotum tightens at the point of orgasm just as before and the nipples are always erect after orgasm. I find that more than before surgery, stroking of skin of other erogenous zones is more helpful to orgasm and helps build the intensity. And it is possible to have orgasms before erections come back. I think it is an important part of recovery to do so. Early use of a vacuum device like the Osbon Esteem helps restore length of the penis that seems to disappear after surgery. It also promotes blood flow that will help the recovery of erections. The Cowper's glands are not normally removed in prostate surgery so there is still pre-ejaculate fluid being produced. In my case, some of that fluid seems to be released during orgasm. I miss ejaculating and always will, but I'm glad I can still have orgasms.