new to this

Feeling a little better this week but still having problems with the side effects of lithium, don't like that at all but it is proven to work well with imipramine which i have been on for 10 years. and i feel a little stronger each day. thanks for all of your concern. this is truly a great human resource and i am glad i found you all too.

The painful/burning ejacualation has been with bob for about 8 months, he did not tell me about this symptom and the others cause he didn't want to worry me, well he knows now never to do that again! the burning sensation seems to be getting worse because he now feels it during the day as well as when he ejaculates.

so I am pretty exciting about the next appointment and I hope that this new dr and this facility can actually do something for Bob and I would like to see a PSA retest pretty soon.

i will certainly share what has happened next Friday evening.

all of you have a good weekend and week ahead

God Bless

deb

well we had our appt with the new urologist today. it was a real treat to be in the presence of a 'real' doctor esp after our experience with the last 2 drs. He talked to us about his opinion of the treatment that bob has received so far and listened to our questions especially about the symptoms bob is having.

he is of the opinion that the type of biopsy bob had last month is not at all adequate for the level of his psa reading (13.8), oh and we actually got to see the pathology report today and only 4 core samples were taken, not 6. so bob will be having TRUS and needle biopsy of 10 cores on April 17 (so his total will be 14 cores, given the 4 done previously). he said bob's risk of it being cancer is 40% but I think it is more like 50%. if cancer is ruled out he will undertake tests and treatment to determine why bob is having all of these symptoms.

oh and he did a DRE as well and he said bob's prostate is irregular, one side being larger than the other (although the actual prostate size seems small), neither of the previous doctors mentioned anything like this. He also said bob's psa score is actually significantly higher than 13.8 because typically Asian men (yes bob is chinese) have a psa score that is lower than the general population (we both learnt something new!).

we really liked this doctor and feel confident that finally we have found the type of doctor and care that we want. this doctor is active in research at the university here, has studied new ways to extend remission time for prostate cancer survivors and is the Chair of the Urology Surgical Tumor Group at Vancouver General Hospital. we both feel quite a bit of relief that he is bob's new specialist.

bob seems calm and ready to wait out the 5 weeks before the biopsy and the 10 days it takes to get the results (by the way this doctor will phone bob as soon as he receives the results, and will make a followup appt at that time, pretty good service)

I am ok right now but i am fearful that the anxiety will build as the wait rolls forward, had a little cry already today and trying to focus on the possibility that it won't be cancer but i am not confident that i am going to cope as well as bob given that i am in the middle of a depressive episode at present. bob may call my psychiatrist to see if he can prescribe medication to help with this possible anxiety. i am thankful that we are a good team and can comfort each other but I would be lying if i said that i wasn't scared.

how did all of you cope with all of this waiting? it has already been 8 weeks and now we have another 6-7 weeks of waiting ahead of us. i am feeling a little sorry for us right now.

thanks to all of you for being here for both of us,

deb and bob

Hi Dave: thanks so much for the prayers

I am a new christian and find myself praying at the oddest times and in the oddest places but it seeems to keep me on a more even keel when i do that. however, there are not many moments when i am not thinking about April 17 which does drive me a bit crazy at times. reading posts here does help.

hi Jim thanks for the prayers

we are doing those things as i am now pre-diabetic so we are on a new diet and exercise regimen and getting as much sleep as possible, we both want to be strong so that we can manage whatever it is that we face in the future

hi Linda thanks for the prayers

i feel like i am a burden to bob right now esp because of this depression, i am like a klingon, i hate to have him out of my sight, i don't have the confidence to drive right now (anxiety issues and med side effects) so he has to drive me everywhere and although he does not mind i feel that it is putting extra pressure on him that he really should not have to carry. thank you for posting

deb and bob (bob has been reading but has not felt the need to post but he is happy that i am doing so and keeping him in the loop)

will do Lee and Buddy, i come here everyday now to learn, to belong and sometimes to cry. we are so blessed to have found all of you here.

take care

deb

hello all, deb here

checking in at the midway mark to the next biopsy - 18 days to go and counting. bob and I have been pretty relaxed to this point and he still seems to have his emotions in check (not a big talker about it either), i am starting to get anxious. I try not to think about it too much and if i do i go back to what has been working for me until now - prayer and additional research on anything prostate. have done lots of reading/research on prostatitis and prostate cancer, in preparation for the results of the biopsy.

I finally got access to bob's routine urine work that was done just before the first biopsy and i am a little mad about the results and lack of evaluation and followup tests by the family doctor. His urine was turbid and he had trace leukocytes and blood in it too - possible indications of prostate disease. also his kidney work was abnormal - eGFR = 64 (normal = 100) and creatinine = 104 (normal 56-110, which makes his at the high end) -these are also indications of prostate disease, kidney problems or urinary problems; but no followup tests such as voiding studies or furthur urine, prostate fluid or semen tests were done. We are trying to find a new family doctor but there are not many in our area taking new patients!

i am still juggling new meds for depression/anxiety and just have to wait for a few weeks to see if they kick in. our relationship continues to blossom despite all this stress and i think we are closer and more in tune with each other today than we have been in our 28 years together, a very big blessing.

i come here everyday to read what is happening with everyone and am thankful for this oasis in what sometimes appears to me as a desert wasteland (ie waiting for tests and results). <thinking happy thoughts just doesn't cut it in the middle of a major depressive episode.>

love

deb

nine days until bob's 2nd biopsy and tension is building. bob is cranky and quiet and not very communicative. i am nervous, tired and feeling his tension; stuggling with new depression meds and stress at work. we are so close but sometimes it feels that we are so far apart (the venus and mars thing). i try not to pry information out of him about his feelings but sometimes it is hard to stop myself. i know he is probably in his own painful state but wish i could reach him there. needed to come here and say this out loud so to speak (have not confided in anyone how i am feeling about this, just don't want to give the crying spells grounds to enter into this just yet).

I am very tired but working at being strong; we both exercise together 30 minutes everyday, we are on a strict diabetic diet (i am pre-diabetic with lots of risk factors, lucky me!!) and he is has lost 3 lbs and i have lost 11 so physically we are strong. but i am still mentally not where i wanted to be, not from lack of trying (we might have to accept soon that the new meds are not the answer and try try again. it can be exhausting and discouraging playing this med game. consequently i am feeling more anxious and thoughts are popping into my head about what might lay ahead for us, so far not much crying but my tummy is in knots most of the time.

thank you all for being here for both of us, bob is not ready to come back here yet but i come here everyday, it helps me to feel grounded somehow and i think you are all remarkable people and i thank you for coming together in this community, this club that none of us really wanted membership in....thank you

i talk to God everyday and put my trust in him again and again, but my humanity allows me to still feel fear and anxiety and sadness. i look forward to knowing what is ahead of us so that we can move forward once more and fight if we have to.

with love

deb

hi KW

i have been following your incontinence journey but had not thought to encourage bob to do them now, so obvious but not...will speak to him about that tonight, thanks for your thoughts and good luck on your own road to recovery.

love

deb