Alex's saga

way to go AZ!!!!!!!!

I did not get my pathology until 4 weeks post op, so you didn't do too bad.

It's a great feeling when you get some reaction from Hofer the one-eyed gopher. I am 5 month pre-op and can get a usable erection with just lavetra and stimulation. Not all the time mind you sometimes I have to get a few pumps to get there but I know things will soon return to pre op status. Hang in there.

Well the catheter is out and it was not a fun time. I'm glad we brought something for me to wear for leaking or I would've been a mess by the time we got home. I just tried to pee and only a trickle came out. Is the bladder now having trouble keeping it in because the catheter was just allowing all fluids to drain out? Is that what the kagels are for to retrain your bladder and other muscles? How many kagels should you do per session and how often? I can see this is going to be a struggle and it makes me feel very foolish

Alex

I have had a very bad day and I blew up at my family and in particular my youngest daughter. This not being able to hold my own pee has me frustrated and very angry. I've gone through 4 pads and I can't answer the phone with out leaking. I want to scream and now I'm just laying in bed feeling alone and depressed.

Alex

Alex - Go hug your daughter. You cannot make yourself feel better by making her feel bad. You will only feel worse. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. You may feel "foolish" but everyone knows you are not. You are recovering from major surgery and this is an entirely new and frightening experience. It's OK and normal to be angry, but don't direct the anger at your family. It's only your first day without the catheter. Get some rest and tomorrow will be a better day. 

Alex

Glad to hear your response. No one is perfect--not even me! Just hang in there. You seemed to be doing fine after surgery until now. Yes, dealing with prostate cancer is a b*tch and certainly dealing with the side effects from surgery takes a lot of patience and faith that things will get much better as time goes on. Peace!

Dave

Alex
Alex

Remember to go back to your post on April 17th and relive the tears of joy you had in recieving your pathogy report, that's the most important part of this whole experience. The rest of this can be very frustrating and ware on a person after a while. It will get better day by day, it took me a few days to not feel like I had to go every 10 to 15 miniutes or so but the bladder heals and learns to send better messages. I am 14 weeks out of surgery and 12 weeks with out the catheter and while I have been pretty good with the continence issues from the begining I have to date, not been able to 100% shut off a leak every now and then. In fact yesterday was a little harder for what ever reason but I just said it is what it is and keep working on it. Finding a way to have a good sense of humor at this stage is important. My doctor told me that it could be around a year before things are pretty normal so I am coming to grips with the fact that I may have some problems now and then and will live throught the summer with it. Like I tell my family and good friends at least it's a nice warm feeling.
Hang in there and in a few weeks it will be better and the time goes by fast. But don't be surprised just when you think everything is good and normal here comes a return pain, problem or leak, my yesterday exactly.

norskie

Tanya

I'm ok today there are some positive signs in the recovery like three nights in a row with a night time erection so that might not be as big a problem as I thought it would be. they don't last long but at least I know that the equipment still can function somewhat. As for the leaking it seems I'm always in the bathroom right now and just doing anything normal makes me leak. I wil have to learn to live with it for now.

No need to travel to give me an attitude adjustment I was chastized enough last night after I revealed how I had behaved. but thanks for the offer.

keep up the responces and good luck in your battle with the side effects

Alex

AZ,

No excuses. Thee is no "luck" about it. What you do is totally under your control. Your behavior was a choice and no one should validate treating a family that loves you poorly, no matter what the excuse is. Time to get off the pitty pot and be a stand up guy. I was a stupid man and it costs. Believe me, the price was not paid by me either. It has been by the people I hurt. I can't take back what I gave away so listen carefully. DO NOT BE A FOOL>>>>

When I read your posts I think to myself....how did my family ever allow me to get away with it for so long? I sure don't deserve any breaks for the years they spent puting up with my bull****. Let me tell you one thing I regret more than anything else in the world. I will never have the same respect nor relationship with my family that I had before. There will always be something missing. Something I threw away. People change AZ. They harden after a while so watch it. They may still love me and God knows I love my family. What it isn't anymore is unconditional. I get exactly what I give these days.
The days of cashing in on endless trust and free flowing love are gone. You keep doing what you're doing and you may not be as lucky a man as I have been. There is no one on this earth as compassionate and patient as my wife. I pushed until I found her spending limit and that's my loss. Losing a family over self pitty is a stupid investment. Don't do it. You will wind up a very poor man.

Paul

Hey Alex,

You are going to get through this. You are going to have your highest expectations exceeded. Just let your body heal and look for the positives in your situation. Your life will change - for the better - if you will let it. Look forward to the good times that you and your family will have together. Plan fun stuff. Then on the dark days you have light at the end of the tunnel. Remember - no pain, no gain - physically and emotionally.

Hey Paul,

Thanks for the reminder. I too nearly lost everthing important by my reaction to my life as it had been handed to me. It has taken 35 years to get my relationships with my wife and kids to where we are a loving family again. Cancer helped that process because it made me look at my life priorities again. It has brought us closer than we have ever been in the past. Life is different because, as you said, I have to earn the respect of my family by my actions. I can't take it for granted anymore. When I tell them that I love them, I have to back up my words with my actions by listening to them and caring about the things that they care about.

All of us here on HW have cancer in common. Either having it or supporting someone that does. We all react to the situation differently. The one thing we have in common is the care and hope and help we give each other. Reaching out is the glue that holds us together on the path to recovery...

Jim

Alex:  Glad to hear you patched things up at home.  You are not alone.  I went overboard and lost it with my 12-year-old one night while going through the mental acrobatics of dealing with my diagnosis and trying to decide which treatment I would pursue.  Around that time, I was also becoming frustrated with waking up each morning and again realizing that it all wasn't just a bad dream. After surgery, I also found myself short-tempered at times.  It was like people wanted me to be back to my normal self overnight and I couldn't do it.  People were telling my wife how I didn't seem like myself etc. and I started to feel very alone with this thing -- I just wanted to avoid friends, relatives, clients etc. until I hopefully got back to "normal." And I think it's a normal reaction (after our surgery) for many of those around us to feel like, "Woo-hoo!! The surgery is over; the cancer is gone forever and it's back to the races for everybody!"   That might leave some of us feeling a little weird, because we just don't have the physical or perhaps mental strength to get right back into any major race, be it work, family, social, whatever.  After the initial rollercoaster ride leading to treatment, some of us are still very anxious about things including the everyday challenges, questions and surprises associated with recovery, such as bleeding and incontinence. And don't worry too much about the incontinence thing - give it a few weeks.  I also found myself running to the bathroom like crazy at first and wondering if I'd ever adjust to the new set-up down there.  I eventually did and I'm sure you will too.  For me, it took eight weeks until I started having days, here-and-there, where I felt as though I'd never had surgery. Try to patient.  We all are too. Best to ya and congrats on the path. report. Slainte!! (That's Gaelic for Cheers!)

I think the reason I get so many replies on my threads is because I express emotions and reactions so many others have felt. I think it's great you guys give support and can give a guy a kick in the butt when needed. today was better and with hard work on my part it will get better and better. thanks to EVERYONE for yor responces.

Alex

Alex, I haven't been on your thread for a long while. I jumped to the last page and saw the frustration you were having and the blow up with your daughter. I wanted to tell you about one I had with my dad when he was ill with PCa. It was the weekend of Father's day, the last one he lived for. We had started the weekend off bad, with him yelling at me because he thought I didn't know what I was doing when I was turning the boat around in the driveway, the way he taught me. I cussed at him and felt horrible. I was 22, he 52. Later that day, we got to the lake. He and a friend went to the ramp to unload the boat. I met them at the marina. As he was pulling in, and he was an expert boat driver, he hit the right side of the boat on the dock. I was on the lfet and stopped it from hitting the other side in rebound. He jumped up and yelled and even cussed at me for allowing the boat to hit the other side. His best friend who was there, later told me it was not my fault. My dad, who I loved very much, never said another word about it. I knew it was not my fault, and I believe that my dad knew also.

The reason I am sharing this with you is that, even though he never said a word to me, it took your comments to make me think about this. I had long forgotten it. I love my dad. He was the best!! And thanks to you, I now know that that blow up had very little to do with me, and more to do with his cancer. Thank you Alex. Courtney

Alex,
Great news! Sorry I'm a bit late saying so, yor on your way now! Aint it a great feeling?
Your friend,
Pete