Help I'm losing it!!

Dear Faith,

 

Thank you so much for updating the forum!  We surely didn't want to loose touch with you and Brice!

 

I am impressed by the strength you and Brice are showing.  I'm sure this is helping you keep finding every avenue for healing.   The treatment pattern you outlined implies to me that the doctor is working a strong multi-faceted strategy, that he believes is the best recipe for Brice's healing. 

 

Keep in touch and we will keep you and Brice in our thoughts and prayers with confidence that you'll spend a great 21st birthday with Adam!

 

All the best to you and Brice!

Dear Barry and Jim,

Your kindness is heartwarming and obviously so genuine.  As I sit here sobbing, feeling desperate and alone in this struggle, it really does help to know there are others out there that feel my pain.  What you can really help me with though, is what do you think (as the patient in Brice's shoes) is he feeling right now.

You know most men don't want to talk about emotional stuff and although we have never had any communication issues, I find it difficult to just ask him what he is feeling....should I? or just wait until he is ready to talk about it to me?  I noticed when I came home from work yesterday that he had started writing a list of 'things' to do upon his death.  He even had a page out of Adam's baby book that was supposed to be completed by 'Daddy' that I had been trying for 20 years to get him to write, and now he has gotten it out, I don't even have the courage to look at it.  Ironically, his 77th birthday was last week and our neighbor brought over a 'Journal' for him and one for me and on mine, the cover says, Dear God, I need to talk to you,      I couldn't even look at it, I just thanked her and Brice started to tell her that he had started writing some things on a note pad and this was a wonderful gift.....Tell me guys, give me some direction,

please....I want to be there for  him and I need to get a grip on this so help me.....please...

You guys are awesome,

thanks,

Faith

Dear Faith,

Each of us can only tell you what works for us, what our experiences have been. Everyone's path is different.

When I was diagnosed, my greatest concern was my two children, one in college, and one finishing high school. (My ex-wife and I had been divorced for 1 and a half years, and my children chose to live with me.)

I had just gotten back into the dating world, and had met a fine woman just 2 months before my diagnosis. I had great feelings for her, but knew she was strong, and would do fine going off on her own. I didn't want her to feel burdened with MY problem. (Thankfully, she would have none of that, and we married 5 years later!)

I was worried about my children. Who would take care of them? Would I see my son graduate from college? Would I see them get married?

I have never been an extremely religious person, but I firmly believe in our Maker, and felt He is aware.

I turned to God. I told Him I knew I could not do this myself. I told Him I was putting my life in His hands.

I did not ask for anything. I did not beg. I made no "deals". I simply said, "I am Yours. Do with me what You will."

But, at the same time, I wondered if I would be alive in two years. After all, my urologist had written me off. I had studied the statistics on the internet. My PSA was over 100. Didn't look good.

God LAUGHED. Yes, He laughed.

He told me it was not my time yet. He let me know I had work to do. Forget the PSA. Forget the statistics. All in an instant.

I heard Him clearly.

Here I am, almost 9 years later. My son graduated from college with two degrees, and is employed in a great career that he loves. My daughter is married, has a great job she loves, going to college, and married to a fine Marine.

And I am happily married to my own personal Angel, who refused to let me travel this road alone when I told her my diagnosis. (As I gave her ALL the reasons to go, her reply was, "This is just a bump in the road. We'll get over it, and go on with our life together.") We just built a new home. I was the contractor. (There's MUCH more to our story. Perhaps I'll share it some time.)

Life is good.


Now, for your problem.

Of course the diagnosis is frightening. And having gone through the Lupron shots, I know the emotional swings THAT can put a man through!

My suggestions? Pray. Ask others to pray for you. Be positive.

Allow your husband to write. Encourage it. It is an outlet for all the bad thoughts, a release of the poisons of the mind. It helped me to talk about my condition.

Give him lots of hugs. Lots of smiles. But don't hide YOUR emotions from him. When you feel down, it's OK to show it. But pick yourself up quickly. Being positive, and enjoying every moment, is immensely important.

Our prayers are with you. Fight the battle. Win.

Faith ~ I will be responding to your post on  The Power of Hope   thread along with Hagrid & Walt's.      Dear Faith ~ your reaching out has triggered so much in all of us!!!   Needless to say that I was in tears last evening reading your postings and Walt’s posting…. and realize that ~ We should never be afraid of tears.   They soften our hearts, wash our eyes, and clear our vision.     I just want to remind you ~ You Are Not Alone ~…. It is so evident with the postings here.. so grab from us what you need to help you through each day and night…..   Take One (Second/Minute/Hour/Day & Night/Month/Year (MOMENT) At A Time.     Your posting is a wise posting…. reaching out to our “fellas” ~ continue to do so and pull the powerful strength that’s in each one. My wings surround you ~ hear my song… of strength.  In Friendship ~ Lee & Buddy   Post edited to move portions to HOPE thread  :) Post Edited (bluebird) : 9/29/2007 4:01:07 PM (GMT-6)

Faith-

I just want to give you a big hug!  I too am in tears reading your post and just want things to be ok for all of us and those we love!  I recently (yesterday) read the book Hormone Therapy and Diet by Dr. "Snuffy" Meyers that another member recommended and it really brought me a sense of encouragment.   I have also been praying a lot...but have found that meditating and trying to actually "listen" to what God is trying to say to me and digest some of the information that all seems to come at once from the doctors has been helpful.  It's just soooooo much information to take in.  I honestly wish we had the answers, but I truly draw so much strength from the other members and I hope you can do the same.

In regards to the "communication" issue.  My dad tends to be short with my mom...which my mom and I keep laughing about, because it's really all we can do to deal with everything without crying.  He doesn't want to talk about anything when she asks, but then he will tell me things, which is just because he doesn't want to worry my mom. Then he tells me how much he worries about her and I worry about them both, as they worry about me...hey that is how family is right?!?! Hopefully Brice is able to talk to your son and share his thoughts with friends too.  I worry that I just don't want my dad to carry the emotional burden alone and it sounds like you have the same concerns.  They (yes...all you fellas out there are guilty, guilty, guilty) are so use to being the "strong" ones and I told my mom, that I don't care who he draws his strength from or which person's shoulder he cries on, just as long as he knows he is not alone. It just took me a little while to realize that HE might not necessarily need the help that I feel he needs at the time and I just have to find ways to support him in the ways that HE needs (not me :) . So, I have concluded that  I will wear whatever hat I need too....whether that be as a daughter, a fighter, a shuttle driver, a note taker, a cook, a distraction from all of this....you name it.  The good thing is that our loved ones have people that love them that share in this mission.  It's the greatest gift if you ask me. 

Hagrid-Thanks for sharing your story! It really is wonderful for all of us to hear!

Faith, you hang in there and keep us posted!!!  xoxoxo to you and yours!

Chayna