Jeff & Becky A NEW DOCTOR

Hi Bec,

It sounds like you have hit upon a great person here - and that is great news! Very reassuring when you needed it, and kd seems to be doing so very well. Good luck with these planning and further discussions - sounds pretty top notch overall! cheers, Lana

Hi Again Bec,

I hope things have continued to improve. Your husband sounds a little like mine - we have not really had ups and downs together, but I have had plenty myself! He (hubby), does not respond to any hint of conflict usually. We have both worked at communication - it does take work I think, but pre-armed is pre-warned. There many many emtional ups and downs for both people I think.

Now that things are improving ED wise for my husband, lately he has started to get back some of his previous "personality" and confidence but it has taken a few months. I found great peace in being able to spend a little time (2 weekend "retreats") on my own to think about how I was handling it all, and reflecting on whether I was helping or hindering!

I am not sure if it is possible for you to take any time out, but I found it helped immensely, and was lucky that my husband understands.

On that note, I continue to pray for the safely of your son. Hope he is doing well, and hope Jeff is too.

Take care & keep busy. Hope things on the couple front are smoother now. Bye for now, Lana

Thanks, KD. My husband has a great sense of humor so I'm sure that will help with their connection - althought Jeff liked him right away anyway. Before he left he asked Jeff if was suffering from any depression and we both started laughing, because we've been so discouraged and no one has ever asked us that. He also commented on how we'd been together a long time (married 25 years this Dec.) and we had to take care of each other and not let anything affect that. I really appreciated his encouragement.

Lana, I feel like Jeff has definitely lost some of his spark, to the point where I feel like we've lost some of the good dynamics of our relationship, and it's so painful. My problem is that those emotions of loss get mixed in with the feelings of loss for my dad, and now my son being gone and it feels so overwheliming and draining, and it's difficult to see past it. Jeff is actually going to see a counselor on Wednesday to get some help working through some things - just areas where he withdraws and he doesn't know why. I may go myself, too. It's a good counselor that we went to for a couple of months about 12 years ago when we were going through some stuff - he gets right to the point and doesn't pull any punches or let you make excuses for yourself, and I need that.

I have gotten away a lot this year, but unfortunately most of the time it was dealing with my dad's illness and estate, and then to help my sister when she had a baby. That was nice but didn't afford much time to reflect. I've been trying to do more of that, spend more time in prayer, really trying to discern some of the things I struggle with. It takes time..

Thanks for your encouragement, and I'm glad you see your husband regaining some of his confidence. It makes a big difference, I'm sure. Please keep me updated on how that goes - I know Jeff is struggling with that.

bec

Thank you for your prayers, Lana. That is definitely what has kept us going through this last year. I'm trusting that we will come out the other side of this with a stronger faith and marriage, but in the mean time it's tougher than I thought. But then I read some of the posts here and I'm sure there are those who would gladly trade places with us, and I need to remember that.

We spent some good time together last night, and I think with a counselor helping Jeff sort some things out he'll be able to express himself better and that will help me.

I will keep you in my prayers also - you 2 are going through a lot for a couple who hasn't been married so long. But it sounds like you work well together as a team, and that is crucial.

thanks again for your prayers -

bec