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Posted 3/27/2008 5:59 AM (GMT 0)
Hi everyone, it has been 8 months since my surgery, when I was diagnosed & told I had cancer, the furthest thing from my mind was maybe my sex life was over, now I have come to the conclusion that I really don't care, I have no movement or stimulation "down there"....BUT! I am alive, I can go fishing again, I can ride my bike along our beautiful city cycleways, enjoy a good red wine, cuddle my grandkids, travel, and play lawn bowls again.

My wife and I have had 45 happy years, I can look back on my career and be happy that I have had a successful life which has provided me with a comfortable retirement, as you get older, sex is not all that important, your relationship becomes less demanding on both of you, we have had a lot of good intimate times, but now we just get along in a friendly caring relationship.

Thankfully, I have an understanding wife, who just wants me to be with her as long as possible, so if I never get another erection....so be it! there is a lot more to life. :-)

Regards Mal.

Posted 3/27/2008 6:24 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Mal,
Your post hits a perspective on this cancer that affects all too many of us. I too believe that I am lucky to have a chance against this monster. But it has come with a cost. The HT has stopped our sex life. My Ruthie is very understanding as well. Lucky, yes. But I still carry mixed feelings about it. Frustrating at any age, I am only 45. But we do endure and have a great friendship. And I have been receiving very special love from others as well. You might agree with my journal yesterday ~ just click my link below. There is more to life, it's good to be alive, and I choose to Stay Positive!

Tony
Posted 3/27/2008 8:41 AM (GMT 0)
That's great that you guys have understanding spouses, and, at least in maldugs' case, that life without sex is good.

At only 42, and with a much less understanding spouse, I can certainly relate to not imagining that the sex life would be over prior to surgery, and I am finding it very difficult to resurrect things.
Posted 3/27/2008 2:11 PM (GMT 0)

At six months, I don't have much to complain about.  I have hit zeros twice now, and continent and my health is good.  I am still completely impotent.  I continue the pump/pill/injection routine, hoping one or all is effective in hurrying the regrowth and repair of the nerves...lol  At 61 I ain't no spring chicken, but I still want to scratch in the barnyard and crow occassionally.  eyes   

My wife is content, she says, with having me well and healthy.  We can manage to have sex with artificial help as needed and she seems content with that.  What she really feels or thinks, is kept to herself, I suppose....lol   Like I told her last night, I don't want to regain function so we can have sex every 2 days or week or whatever.  If I could regain it to the point that I could have it when I wanted it, even if only once every 3 months, that is my goal.  I want working equipment, even if it isn't practical to use it every day...  I don't want to yield a single thing to this disease.  I want it all back the way it was before surgery.  Impractical, maybe, but everyone's gotta have a goal.  If I end up with the pills not working, and having to rely on injections, then so be it, but I ain't giving up the fight yet.  Just the fact that we want to have a natural erection after all this is a big deal mentally for most of us in our road to full recovery, I think.  Sure, we say we will be satisfied with being cancer free and having dry pants.  We have the plan when we begin- first treatment, then continent, then ed overcome.  We want to check off each item on our way to full recovery, and it does bear on our state of mind if we aren't completing each one, I think.  Maybe not consciously, but sub-consciously, maybe.  Deep down I think we want it all, even if we won't say it or admit it to others.  Now as has been said, as we age, we begin to put less stress on sex and more on companionship and contentment.  This state can be reached by each of us by just the fact of aging, but to have it interrupted by cancer or to not be able to reach this stage because of early age diagnosis seems to bring out our fighting side on a lot of us. 

Posted 3/27/2008 2:30 PM (GMT 0)

James, my perspective is very similar to yours.

My priorities were and remain to beat the cancer itself, regain continence (really, really close to that one now) and then beat ED.

The only slight difference, in my case, is that I am thrilled that I might be able to use injections for therapy and to achieve very usable erections.  I discussed injections with my wife a week or so ago and she was very happy to learn about them.

While I am not looking forward to the act of injecting myself, the fact that it might allow my wife and I to have sex is exciting to both of us, as we were unaware of that option until recently.

My hope is that a combination of regular pumping, Viagra, injections and time will result one day in ED recovery, at least to the point that I would just need Viagra....but time will tell that story.

Posted 3/27/2008 4:33 PM (GMT 0)
Mal, Your post brought tears to my eyes.  I feel much the same way you do. In my case I was fighting ED long before I knew I had PCa.

I think I can understand how younger guys might find the situation a little differenly as I probably would have 20 years ago also.

I know that a loving wife is a blessing that we should not take for granted.

Posted 3/27/2008 5:11 PM (GMT 0)
Well here's the observations of another old coot.

I had ED before cancer and used Levitra for several years. It was acceptable but our sex life slowly deteriorated. After surgery and some setbacks due to low testosterone I became determined to get our sex life back. I used Viagra (from India), L-Arginine (a supplement that promotes blood flow) and finally Trimix. Slowly my erections started coming back. During that time we experimented with some sex techniques that we had not used before. (This is not the place for the details.) Now we are more active than we had been for 20 or so years. Orgasms are more intense and longer lasting than before surgery.

My point is that giving up on sex may be acceptable for some but it is not required.

Jim
Posted 3/27/2008 5:44 PM (GMT 0)
Jim, you mentioned that erections slowly came back.

Do you still use the trimix or are the erections adequate without it?

I plan to start injections in less than two months...and hope for good results.

Posted 3/27/2008 7:05 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Danman Bob,

I started getting some swelling when I started Viagra and L-Arginine. That was about 7 months after surgery because as I mentioned, I had some setbacks due to low testosterone. At 9 months I started Trimix and it worked instantly for good erections. I am now 16 months out and can get a useable erection without injections but it is still inconsistent so I still use a small amount of Trimix. No pain, up for about an hour, great for sex.

Jim
Posted 3/28/2008 3:23 AM (GMT 0)
I was fortunate and had bilateral nerve sparing prostate surgery. I got my first erection 5 days after

the surgery with the catheter still in. Three weeks after the surgery I am still a little sore down there,

but my erections are good. Not as firm as pre surgery but I am confident It will continue to improve.

My wife and I have always had a great sex and it is continuing even now.

I wish all here the best and hope all stay cancer free and regain erections.

 

Posted 3/28/2008 12:26 PM (GMT 0)
Before I run in where angels fear to tread...

There are soooo many alternatives to a healthy, intimate sex life besides intercourse. Biker 90 said that This was not the place for details. Is there some thread which could be started which wouild be marked "Frank sexual discussion" so that these very details could be discussed? This isn't a porn site, but techniques for mutual sexual fulfillment should certainly be part of any PCa survivor discussion, it seems to me. If some people are uncomfortable with the topic, they don't need to open it if they are warned.
Thoughts?
Paul
Posted 3/28/2008 10:28 PM (GMT 0)
I see no reason why these things can't just be discussed, but acknowledge that many here seem reluctant.
Posted 3/28/2008 11:12 PM (GMT 0)
Hey guys, I certainly did not mean to put a damper on any frank sexual discussion here. I just meant that I didn't think a discussion of two old folks fumbling around in the dark would be of much interest.

So go for it....

Jim
Posted 3/29/2008 12:21 PM (GMT 0)

Biker!

No! I didn't mean it as a disparagement against what you said, but had noticed that many guys, very naturally, are a fairly nervous about bringing this stuff up. Fumble Away - as long as it's fun!

I remember reading one really old post on here where one guy laid out all his sexual troubles, then was so embarassed that he had. But the response was like a dam opening. They guys were all so relieved that they were not the only ones.

It just goes to show, we're all still like kids and not sure we want to be the first to admit we're not sure what to do..

Paul

Posted 4/11/2008 3:57 AM (GMT 0)
Dear Forum Friends,   I’d like to “chirp” in here and state that we have been given a broader range to our discussions on the recovery issues (urinary continence and ED) issues that we face with our fight to be cancer free…   Please ~ feel free to talk and share but be sensitive to the fact that minors are permitted on this site.   Wording is important…   I too remember the thread that had a member opening up completely and it truly did open the doors for many of our members to reach down deep and open up some areas of sensitive issues.   Again ~ talk freely but remember that the interpretation should remain on a clear ground of healing/recovery mode.   Thank you for making HealingWell.com   the best prostate forum!!   v        bluebird ~   Moderator for Prostate Cancer Forum
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