Safety tip for my fellow "Leakers"

With all the practice I've had since my surgery I can swap a Men's Guard in briefs faster than a NASCAR Team swaps tires.
I had only one mishap - a tucked in undershirt that wicked lemon juice up my abdomen. It felt surprisingly refreshing on a hot August day.

Today, I had a second mishap that is worth mentioning. While doing my high speed pad swap: - new pad between teeth; drop trou.; pull old pad from the rear; roll up; drop new pad in place rear first; yank up clothes. done! 10 seconds. Can do it with my eyes closed. This afternoon I missed noticing I forgot to secure the front of the pad to the brief. I quickly pulled everything up as usual, causing the pad to fold over, sticky side up making contact in places where it should never make contact - the NASCAR equivalent of forgetting to tighten the lugnuts.
My lugnuts are now hairless in a very tender area - a free Brazilian wax job, if you will.

Anyone have suggestions about the itching? ;-)
Jeff

I gotta tell you guys this discourse is the funniest dang thing I have read in weeks.

I don't have my surgery until Thursday and have not had any continence issues, BUT, I dang near pee'd my pants reading this conversation.

I know it was not comfortable at the time, but as Larry the cable guy would say "That right there is funny I don't care who you are".

Sonny

Hi David. Hey, you know me. I never expect a serious answer. But that's a good tip.
As a side benefit cocunut oil might even improve the smell of the diaper pail. I'd been dumping fresh chives from our garden in there.)
How does she stand me.....?

You guys need to get together and take this show on the road. You are much more funny than Abbott and Costello.

Too darn funny!!!! Got to love it!

I'm glad at least somebody is enjoying the experience. I'm sitting here with a bald spot that highlights my now useless vasectomy scar while considering the merits of oil viscosities: coconut, straight 30 or synthetic.

I've noticed another interesting feature of this quick change technique. When I do the rip out maneuver, it makes the same sound as removing the velcro/cordura holster for my .380 LCP from my Uncle Mike's belt. I'll bet that leaves the guy in the next stall wondering!
Now I know why no one comments.

(By the way, the LCP will be available if anyone want to try it during the weekend getaway. As will the TENS unit, of course.)

Jeff

Jeff thanks so much for the warning and vivid descriptions of why you don't want to mess up this part of the process.

Running out of sharpie ink so I am having a giant rubber ink stamp made for my first package of guards:

THIS SIDE UP, STUPID!!!.

Thanks so much for the laughs. You'll never know how much it meant to me personally the last couple of days.

Sonny

Of course, those of us still bothered by leaks know that it is better to go walking than to sit and watch NASCAR races – but even that can give you ideas that could get you in trouble.

I motivate my walking by taking my dog with me. As a male, he believes that it is his duty to sniff each tree and to lift his leg at each one that has been marked by another dog. Our town has a lot of dogs and a lot of trees so, by the end of a walk he lifts his leg but is completely dry. On the other hand, I am still in danger of dribbling at any sudden tug of the leash -- it makes me so jealous! I have warned my wife that I might just give up on the pads and use the trees along with the dog. She says that if she gets a call from the police she will come right down to the station and bail out the dog!.

I should have known better than to check in on this thread. Two days post surgery is not a good time to try and stiffle laughter. I am huggin tightly onto a pillow as I read the latest and doing my best not to have the SP catheter fly out of my belly. I guess it's a good thing they have a couple of stitches in it. I have printed this thread out a few times for others to see. It is so much fun to watch them cringe, double over in mock pain and laugh til the tears start to flow. If any of you haven't done this, try it. It's a hoot.

Thanks guys we all need the laughter,

Sonny

Jeff
I thought you had me this time -- I mean, what can you say to a guy who wraps wires around his balls and then plugs them into an outlet? But then I remembered that re-purposing gadgets would have an appeal to you. I hope you realize that by moving the electrodes up several feet it would be possible to train yourself not to growl at the mailman. It would make delivering bills so much easier for him!

Just a quick update. I zapped it for another 1/2 our last night before bed. I played a little more with the settings. At the same power/pain level you can adjust the unit to delver shorter pulses (50 ms) with higher voltage up to long pulses (300 ms) at lower voltage. I started with long, low voltages but the contractions felt like they were only on the surface. As I shortened the pulse and increased the voltage the contraction felt deeper like it was moving up into my body. I played with it until it felt like a kegel. 120 ms, one hit every 2 seconds. I tried to relax by reading the Economist but still quivered at every shot. I peed normally this morning at 7:00. It's 9:00am now and I'm still wearing the overnight pad. I'll keep tracking.

Unfortunately my right eye is twitching, my left hand is numb, we can't listen to NPR on the radio andI am constipated but those are probably unrelated issues. ;-)

Shocking result indeed! I just came inside after burning branches, cleaning up the orchard hauling chairs for the past three hours. I finally changed my overnight pad at 12:30!!! 14 hours!!!! It was full and I needed a shower badly. I shaved the inside of my thighs so the electrodes will adhere better.
I'm eating lunch now and will plug in the unit when I finish this message.

Guys, Granted, I'm certifiably insane, but am I the only person in the world who has ever tried this? Chiropractors use these things all the time. What could it possibly hurt? Ok, my balls might fall off but, heck, I don't need 'em anyway.
Ok here goes, time for my 30 minutes of "stimulation".
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I just did some checking. I went to Yahoo and entered "TENS Treatment for incontinence" and found many papers on the subject.
http://www.tensway.com/media/pdf/en/cefar-peristim-pro.pdf Note the picture on the cover of the manual. They're the same couple on the Augusta Medical Pump!
Oh well, I guess I'm not a crazy as I thought. (I'm disappointed.)

It's 9:00 pm. I made it through the day with the same pad! I'm going to take shower and change it anyway. Even if it does cost me an extra 28 cents. Divorce is much more expensive.
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Next day results, 9/21.
My balls did not fall off. And I wore the same pad all day again! Saved another 28 cents!
I had been at 3-4 pads per day and these past two days have been 2 and 1.5. I was working hard outside these past two days getting things ready so that might also be a factor. We'll see.
(Coincidentally I am starting incontinence therapy today. )

After the other thread about bladder issues I had to look up this old one.
I was 7 weeks out of surgery and figured I'd be finished with pads in 3 months. You guys certainly helped put a positive spin on the situation.
I guess humor is where you find it - even if it's inside your pants.
Thanks,
Jeff