New Member from lower thread: Anna (Didn't want her getting buried)

(This is from Anna)

 

Hello, I know this thread is older and may not be getting read, but I want to express my appreciation for the information and experiences posted here. I have recently started dating someone who's had a radical prostatectomy in his mid-50s; he's about 6 months post-op and things are quite uncertain for him physically, in addition to which it's one thing dealing with these issues with someone you love and have been with for a long time, but quite another thing even to talk about this stuff with someone new. So I'm very grateful to know something of the kinds of experience that might be expected. Thanks again, and the best of luck to all of you

Post Edited (Purgatory) : 11/26/2009 1:56:22 PM (GMT-7)

Anna
Welcome. This is a place where you will get fair and frank discussion of any PC issue.

I don’t know how much you have read, but the first thing to say is that the ten year survival rate of men with prostate cancer who are treated is very high, approaching 90%.
So my first point is that, you and your friend are likely to have a long time to work on your relationship if that is the direction that things take.

You have probably been reading about the side effects of surgery – incontinence and ED. My second point is that while these are real, they are most often not limits to leading a happy and active life. When you look at this board you see that we tend to joke about these issues – yes, we wish they weren’t there but they are in no way central to our lives.

The fact that you have written shows that you care about your friend. It is best to take that caring one day at a time. Was the last time that you were together fun? Do you look forward to the next time? Trust that as your relationship develops so will your ability to communicate. In fact, many of us here have found that our communications with our wives have improved because of the need to discuss our feelings together.

I suppose that for some people there are “deal breakers.” “I could never date a man who wears panty pads” “I would never go to bed with a man who snores” If you have such issues, then you need to decide when to bring them up – if you don’t raise them, then both of you may be wasting your time.

Whatever happens, be assured that if we can help you or your friend in working on these issues, we are here for you.