What matters when we have PC ?

Worried guy and goodlife, please use your own logins. It sure will help with the confusion...

And have fun out there.

Tony

goodlife,
it's funny you mention this. my uro. at time of diagnosis stated we were going to treat both physical problem and mental side. hopefully he's done really well with the physical. as for the other he gets a big fat "F". Fortunately not that much was needed. i went through the same as probably everyone else, cried some, got a little bitter, felt a little sorry for myself etc. but none lasted very long. i spent and do spend much time in prayer, not to live forever but for the Lord's will to be done in my life and to keep the reality in mind that while not all things are good, all things work together for some good.

sentence deleted, Rule 11, going beyond the normal allowed satements mentioned there, sorry

in addition to this, some things that have really helped me are volunteering at hospice, spending as much quality time with my three beautiful dogs as possible (boston terrier, pug and mini schnauzer). i have no children but you can't tell my dogs that.
golf is a great passion so obviously i stay out there as much as i can.
also, to try and do something nice for someone each day.
back to the hospice- it's really hard to feel sorry for myself when i've had 46 good years and counting. when you see kids with terminal cancers who never had a chance and so many who are less fortunate.
also, this forum although i am new has been helpful. it's great to be able to talk with others who know exactly what it's like to be in this battle.
just some of my coping strategies, stay strong!
tigre

Post Edited By Moderator (James C.) : 9/25/2010 8:08:40 AM (GMT-6)

NE Irish, well said.

Ditto to NEIrish and Sephie who usually is calmness in a raging sea and an anchor of a peacemaker. I am just a drive-by observer on this thread and relate to all sides in this and sometimes we blow off our steam differently. I admit to perhaps visiting Rod Serling in the Twilight Zone on occassion in dealing with PCa...it gets all to unreal for normal coping skills.
Let's not reach the Outer Limits on this thread too. (LOL) James C. controls the vertical, the horizontal, and beyond. (kudos to Mod's)

In the original post, it was asked:

"Maybe we need a way to express how we are dealing with our PC from our emotional aspect, without the fear of offending someone because we mentioned religion, or yoga, or meditation, or satanic rituals. I for one, am curious how other men are handling their fears, their depression, anxiety, whatever."

As anyone who has been reading along these past week can tell, this aspect of recovery and support just isn't doable here. Even a discussion of how to support each other quickly turns into an acrimonous little spat about how best to do it. There's a core group of guys here who are gonna resent and protest any mention of religious support and will push the interpretation of Rule 11, objecting even when I suspect they know that the part they object to is still legal but just want to keep things stirred up. On the other side, is a group who want to include the religious in the emotional experience of their recovery and want to express that, again pushing the intent of Rule 11 to the limit of what is allowed. Pushing the limits of Rule 11 tends to violate Rule 4, or provoke others to violate Rule 4. As long as one side or the other is willing to object or to try to inject something into their postings, then we are always gonna have these problems. And it is a problem, as it is demeaning to the intent of the Forum, demeaning to others here, and very disrespectful to the owner, fellow members and, especially, those among us who are really needing this Forum and the support it gives, but have to wade thru a bunch of seemingly ego-driven guys, protesting about everything they don't like, disrupters of what is normally a good forum. There is no way to satisfy either side, hence the Rule to start with. The best I can say to all of you involved in this weeklong continuance of the same issue, that has been thread locked 3 times now is this. It was written by a fellow moderator from another forum, facing the same problems we have here:

This is a support website, and if you continue to act in a manner that is unsupportive or if you feel that you are unable to restrain yourself from making negative inciting comments toward each other, then please feel free to seek life elsewhere. Otherwise if you see something that is clearly minor that you do not like, and it is not worthy of making an email to your moderator about, then I strongly suggest that you just do not respond.

If you are really gonna swell up and bust if you can't express yourself or have it your way, or you want to explore further areas that can give you the answers and support you wish, theres' other forums available to you here at Healing Well. They are the Aniexty and Panic forum, the Depression forum, the Chronic Pain forum, even the Irritable Bowel forum, for those whose guts seemingly stay in an uproar. However, the same rules apply there, so there ya go.



It's been proven time and again that with the current mix of guys, it is not possible to have any meaningful discussion of the emotional side of cancer recovery support without it devolving into and argument within the first 6 posts. So how about it? Do you people want a forum that works for people on a more scientific level of providing experienced based medical and emotional support, or one that is gonna be more emotional based, supporting the body , spirit and soul, knowing full well that doing so will open up each thread to discord, hurt feelings and irritation amongst the participants and general disgust amongst the rest of us who have to read these continious squabbles? If you want the second kind, then may I suggest you reread the quote I posted again and take it to heart.

Eventually even good hearted, well intended moderators get fed up and irritated with stuff that is continually being stirred up. After a week of this, combined with life stuff, I have reached that place, so I'll make no apologies for my little speech or for how I will be editing and deleting until this stuff stops. I have what I would like to consider good friends on both sides of this issue, so it isn't like I am taking sides or showing favoritism. But eonugh is enough guys, either support each other and the site or keep quiet or find some other place that you can express your kind of 'whatever it is that you wish'. I expect that will be hard to find and still find the support you do here from friends and "would be friends if we ever met" people.

If you can keep the discussion to emotional needs and methods to cope, without pushing the boundries of Rule 11, then more power to you. If you can't, just chose to keep quiet and agree to disagree. Otherwise, don't get your outrage all fluffed up at Tony and I when we clean house with deleting and editing.

It's the weekend, how about we all take a day off, get outside, do something fall like, the season is changing and we should spend some time away from these keyboards enjoying it with our families, friends or just with ourselves.

Goodlife says: I for one, am curious how other men are handling their fears, their depression, anxiety, whatever.

In an effort to help get this important thread on-topic, there are a number of things that can help. Certainly having a strong support system, e.g., the love of a good woman, helps immensely. For some, faith helps. Of course, one either has these things or he doesn't.

There's all sorts of relaxing things that people use: yoga, meditation, etc. I don't have a lot of personal experience with these, but I think they're probably worth exploring. For me, playing jazz guitar allows my mind to focus on better things than cancer, sometimes for hours on end.

It's also pretty well understood that exercise is one of the best anti-depressants out there. As someone who has dealt with mild to moderate depression for much of my life, long walks in the woods with my dog have been a big help to me. I also think you've just got to keep your sense of humor. Without that, everything looks like the abyss.

Finally, I think forums like this one are a big help. Reading about the experiences of others, knowing what to expect, empathizing with those who have it worse than you, and celebrating with those who have it better are all very therapeutic, in my view. I appreciate the people here who are always willing to commiserate or offer information, and the moderators who keep it a decent place to visit. It's all good.

James
Thank you for taking so much trouble to explain so much
Alf

An "old saying" that I have shared with others:

You can get the cancer out of your body, but not out of your head.

 

 

I use "cancer free days" with no talking about cancer, no writing about cancer, no reading about cancer, no visiting cancer web sites, and an effort not to think about cancer.  If you haven't tried this, I recommend it.

Yes, this thread is a good idea as far as inviting thoughts about how we all tackle the emotional as well as the physical/medical side of cancer.

But why is is so difficult to stick to the rules (especially 11) All it requires is that our responses just let people know what we have been doing to help our mental state and refrain from telling others what they should be doing.

Our bodies have all been affected by the PCa in different ways, (though some of our statistics may seem similar: two people with Gleason 6 will in fact have completely different looking slides)
None of us have had exactly the same treatment (even if several people have had robot surgery no two Da Vinci surgeries are the same)
Similarly our minds will also all have been affected in different ways and there will thus be an equal number of individual ways of dealing with it.

If I feel better for eating chocolate or cycling it matters not to me if nobody else wants to eat chocolate or get on their bikes. And if they have something that helps them it does not mean that I have to do the same.

Alf

First to James C., Super Moderator: I was very afraid the last week or two I'd hear you voice your weariness and frustration in just the way you did in your last post. I've been monitoring, sometimes replying, and have noticed the threads often quickly veer off course, and often not in a positive manner. I appreciate the patience and diligence with which you keep the site moving - I'm not sure too many truly understand how difficult that can be at times. I run a few womens groups for fun and although its all about recreation, sometimes they make me want to throw in the towel and run for the hills. Here you have to handle men in pain, confusion, fear, frustration - makes my chick groups look like bunnies on lexapro. I hope you take your own advice and find a pile of leaves in which to jump. New England is starting to enter its OMG season, so if you want a list of spectacular places, hubby and I can provide it.

To the others still looking for good QOL boosts, I second the physical activity ones. Your body just can't help it - the endorphins are boosted when you take that walk. If the concrete is too hard on your innards (like my poor Irishman's), find a lake, sea or wood path. And then concentrate on one good thing that happened that day. Not easy when you're wearing a pad, fighting fatigue, aching in the places where the sun don't shine. Get Nike about it and just do it. We're heading out in a hour. And I'm going to say very frisky things to the hubby while out there. ;-)

Ger42,
I agree with Jonathan. You will get through this. Plenty of guys in your situation have had complete recovery and are leading happy and productive lives with numbers far more serious than your numbers. Hang tough big guy! Do stuff you love to do. Try to get your spirits up because it is important, very important to have a positive attitude going into this. You have couple of weeks to get yourself ship shape, both physically and mentally. Btw, fool around like a teenager if you get my drift.

Peace,

john

Way to keep your sense of humor...