Hello all,
While I have dropped in once or twice over the last four months I have been taking a well deserved break from PCa as much as I could.
Much has happened. We had a great 6 week trip to the NE and a wonderful holiday season.
Lynn has started a new chemo regimen because her cancer numbers had started to go up. However the new therapy has taken a real hit on her blood. Today the dr has postponed any further treatment for the next 4 weeks. Her white blood count is just short of no immune system at all, her red blood count has kept her in bed for the most part since before Christmas and her platelets are so low they caution us about
her getting cut because she could bleed out before we get it under control. Wow but the girl is tough and is a real trooper.
Many of you may be reading this about
Lynn for the first time. But it is because of seeing what she has been going through for the last 5 years that allows me to keep such a positive attitude about
my cancer and treatments. I have never tried to minimize mine or be glib about
it, but I also have to see things on a comparative basis.
Many of you suffer greatly from the effects of treatment as it relates to ED. I too am not back to normal yet since my surgery of Sept 2009. However, maybe I am somewhat blessed in dealing with it because of Lynn's health, bone damage and her attitude of sharing with me that penetration was not the real thing of enjoyment for her anyway. So ED is not something I give a lot of thought too. I am a better lover to Lynn than I ever was in many ways. And I am no less the man I always ways.
Been reading through a lot of posts here lately from folks that are having a tough time of it. Post treatment blahhs, depression, physical discomfort, ED, incontinence, ever present PCa thoughts and worries, etc. and the list goes on. It's natural, it happens, and is always dealt with in some way or at some time. It is hard to always stay positive and upbeat or put the danged thing out of your mind for a period of time.
The reality of it is that somehow we all have to. Nothing is gained from constantly dealing with PCa from negative and worrisome pointed of view. Nothing is lost but the time itself when the days are lost by doing nothing but fretting over the darned cancer.
We have all heard the personal stories of those who have great and wonderful plans when they retire only to never get a chance to live them because of a freak accident, sudden health issues and so on. We all have to stop and say at some point, WHOA!! What about
today? What did I do today that gave me or a loved one pleasure? When do I start to live a life of enjoyment and wonderment if not today.
So give the darned cancer it's do. Do the treatments as they are required, fight the battles as you see fit for them, take the tests when they are scheduled and deal with the results as they arrive. Crap how many of you fret, worry and lose sleep over the next ****ing PSA test. You can't do anything about
it until you know the score and as many of you have shown, when you do get the score there is nothing to do anyway. But many of you begin to worry about
the next danged test only days after the last one.
CRAP! I didn't mean to jump on the soap box, but I have been so tempted to chime in here during some of the discussions.
I kinda feel that I am in a position to do so now. Many of you have been dealing with PCa much longer than me. But few of you have traveled the non-successful path that I have been on.
Found out about
PCa 3 days after my wife went into the hospital for an 8 weeks stay in ICU. Had the surgery by one of the top 5 in the country. Never got an undetectable PSA. Started SRT less than 3 months after surgery. Found METS less than 7 months after surgery. Have never seen a real downward trend in PSA.
My last PSA in September was 2.2, my PSA from yesterday is 3.9, and I have a meeting with the dr. on Monday.
I physically feel fantastic, have more energy than I have had in the last 2 years. Got my boat out of drydock for the first time in 2 years and am enjoying the hell out of it.
Really looking forward to the GFMPH trip in April and seeing a bunch of you guys.
Bottom line. My PSA sucks and we will deal with it. My wife is having a ***** of a time and we will deal with it. We got her father out of the hospital on Christmas eve and Hospice has been called in as he is degrading fast. My son has decided to give up his dream of playing professional baseball and is instead heading to LA with some new friends and plans to be a successful actor/model, HUH!!
Those of you that have read my words or know me personally have seen and heard me say many times, "EVERY DAY IS A BONUS". Why don't some of you join me in seeing things that way and living each day to it's fullest. Find the silver lining in something every day, find the fun, find the love, FIND LIFE.
So in closing, here is my silver lining from today. When my docs nurse brought me the test results, I was standing next to my while she was getting her new schedules. I read the results and told the nurse that since we really hadn't been doing anything since Sept I expected a rise. I did say that it was a little more of a rise than I expected. Now she is relatively new with my doc, doesn't know all of his patients or their histories. So her response caught me off guard and had me laughing till I darned near peed my pants.
She tenderly put her hand on my arm, leaned in and said, "Well yes, it's a little high for your age, but it is still within the normal range". When I was able to speak from laughing, I tenderly put my hand on her arm, leaned in and said, "IT WOULD BE NORMAL IF I STILL HAD A PROSTATE."
Also, I got a letter from the VA recently, scheduling me for a re-classification exam with the docs on January 31. Should be a short meeting with my PSA and I should not have issues continuing to receive the 100% disability I was awarded.
So you see, Every Day is a Bonus.
Sonny
