Prostate Cancer and Emotional Well Being - a good start

Been a lot going on here at this site on what you can do physically in dealing with one's PC, but very little on the mental and emotional toll that dealing with any cancer can take.  It is often not talked about, or not talked about openly.  I read this today and thought it would make a good starting point on the subject.  We suggest to some with problems, go see your doctor and get put on an anti-depressent.  Not bad advice by itself, but not always good enough answer.

The parts underlined, were underlined by me:

Stay positive, when you can.

One way to reduce stress is to think positively and keep an optimistic outlook. Yet many people with cancer won’t feel particularly positive all of the time. This is normal. Sadness, fear, and other negative emotions are all part of the experience of cancer, and ignoring them or denying them may do more harm than good—making those emotions more powerful, in the end.

Instead, admitting to negative feelings and looking for support from loved ones can help. Talking to prostate cancer survivors and healthcare professionals who deal with cancer regularly can also give new perspectives to what may at first seem like a hopeless diagnosis.

Knowing your limits.

Just as it’s important to stay positive as much as possible, and to keep facing cancer with hope and the support of those who love you, it’s important to keep in mind that positive thought alone cannot cure prostate cancer.

Trying your hardest is great. But people who believe that the power of the mind can halt the advance of prostate cancer may be disappointed and blame themselves if their condition gets worse. It’s good to stay realistic, and to forgive yourself. As far as research shows, good emotions can’t cure cancer. But then, bad emotions do not cause cancer to grow.

12 quick ideas toward emotional well-being.

If you find yourself scared or overwhelmed as you face prostate cancer, consider some of the following simple thoughts on how to keep looking forward with hope:

1. Let go: Once every day, tell yourself, “Who cares?” If your house is a mess, if you feel down, if you forget something important—let it go. No one can do everything, so forgive yourself.
2. Talk it out: Talk to someone you trust. Say everything. Hold back nothing. Be honest, and let each emotion pass through you.
3. Cry: Whether you’re alone or having a heart-to-heart with a close friend or loved one—if you cry, just cry. You may very well feel better afterward.
4. Hug it out: The power of touching another person can sometimes achieve what words can’t.
5. Try to have faith: If you were raised in a religion, consider whether or not it would offer you comfort and insight into the meaning of life’s challenges today. If you have always been curious, perhaps start attending prayer sessions, or speak with a priest, rabbi, imam, or other person of faith.
6. Be patient: You don’t have to dwell on your diagnosis or what surgery, chemo, or other treatments will or won’t accomplish. Don’t count yourself out.
7. Take naps: Besides replenishing your body, sleep gives your mind a chance to unwind. When you wake up, you may feel differently than you did when you lay down.
8. Ask for help: Especially if you have children or a partner around the house. Don’t feel like you have to do everything you normally do, and don’t worry about being a burden. You have enough to worry about already.
9. Treat yourself: Do something just for yourself, something that will take your mind off your condition.
10. Join a support group: Find a way to receive regular one-on-one support with someone who’s faced the same types of challenges you’re facing now.
11. Don’t blame yourself: For all the research, cancer is still mysterious. You are not your cancer. Don’t look for answers to questions like "why me?"
12. Keep active: It’s simple—working out feels good. Exercises with smooth motions, such as swimming, yoga, and walking, may work better for you than jarring ones, such as running. Avoid exercise that puts pressure on your prostate, such as biking or horseback riding. Talk to your healthcare team before starting any exercise plan.

 David in SC

That's a beautiful story, Clocknut, glad you shared it openly. I am coming up on my 37th with my bride in April. She has been with me through all my medical ordeals in the past, never a complaint, and has been my closest ally during this entire PC episode. Her being a nurse is an extra plus, especially when I went through the 2 years of catheter ordeal. Soon as we can get some money issues settled, we want to go on the honeymoon that we couldn't afford back in 1974. She wants to see the great Redwoods, and I want to take her to San Francisco. Perhaps it can still happen.

I don't cry often, hardly at all in my adult life. When I found out that I had cancer for the 3rd time (Porocarcinoma) and it was in the lymph nodes in my neck, I broke down by myself. I had already fought this thing twice, and was now facing a total of 4 surgeries and my first time with radiation.

After 3 prostate biopsies with a rapidly rising PSA, I took it all in stride. But I was alone, late in my uro's office, the night he broke the news to me, and said it was PC, and Gleason 7. I was alright until I got back in my car, and then when I tried to call my wife, I fell to pieces. By the time I was able to drive home, I had pulled myself together, at least enough to talk about it.

During the time I went through radiation the 2nd time, SRT, and being on the suprapubic catheter for all but a year, I had all I could take of constant high level pain, it was a miracle that I never snapped, or broke down, or gave up. I was put on both mild and strong antidepressents, but chose not to take them at the time, as I wanted full faculty of my mind in dealing with my PC and all the complications I encountered.

This last surgery, the one that left me with a non-working bladder and a perm. stoma, still has me in a bit of a mental shock. I know its my reality, and I know its never going to be able to be reversed, but sometimes, I just hate the situation.

My delayed PSA test is coming up in a month, I have long stopped worrying about the possible results. If its up and showing indications of even more increase from last time, then that is what it will be. If my SRT does prove to fail, it will be hard to accept, considering what an ordeal and struggle the past year or so has been on me.

My kids, all adults, take it in stride on the surface, but I know they are hurting too, as they know that I am not physicaly as well as I use to be as recent as 2 years ago. They deal with it in their own unique way, which I am thankful. We are a close and open family, so no secrets between us.

If I need help later on the mental and emotional side, I am prepared to do what is needed when the time comes.

David in Sc

This is an excellent topic.

I am definitely struggling with my situation. I'm sure by most measures, I'm doing fine. I am working and doing an excellent job. Heck, I even got a merit bonus and merit pay increase. In fact, at work I am my normal self in every respect since I rarely think about PC ... AT WORK.

THIS IS ALMOST LIKE  LIVING A DUAL LIFE!! Hmmm... has anyone else had that feeling?

But at other times, when not at work, it really is like this big gorilla in the room. It was nice to recently take a cruise and give myself (OURselves) another break. It was nice not to research that crap. It was nice NOT to look at HW. Slowly, I am accepting this as the new reality, but it is still very difficult.

The biggest difficulty concerns the lack of a clear future. Yes, I know even those without PC don't know their futures. But, to give you an example, I was looking at some investment ideas yesterday. One of those was a fixed annuity with certain very favorable features. But it would require a 5-year tie-up for the funds. It is VERY hard for me to look that far ahead. Now, eventually I did make the investment. My wife and kids will be beneficiaries and it is a good move with the particular features. BUT the new reality really hit. It is so difficult to look ahead. Now, if I do end up getting SRT AND it works, then maybe I'll finally get a PSA test that is actually better than the one before. Things might look brighter then.

This is sounding like a whine. Really, I am functioning well, but there is difficulty.

David, when is your next PSA? Mine will be on the 15th. I am impressed that you seem to be so sanguine about it. But, then again, you've been through so much. Still, I suspect you might feel some stress as that day approaches. We shall see. I'm sure I will feel the stress, although last time it wasn't too bad until a couple of days before the test (previous tests caused stress starting 2 weeks before!)

OK -- late night here. Time to turn in. I don't start work tomorrow until the afternoon...FORTUNATELY!

Mel

Clocknut and David - very lovely moving human stories - wishing you all the best
hugs
Bronson

thanks, David and others...this is a great thread....i'm convinced positive attitude is essential to getting thru the process in a sane manner. [also being at peace with your Creator, but i won't pursue that right now....]

wishing all the best..

bob

clocknut said...
I'm not sure people who have never had cancer can ever really understand what it does to a person's psyche.   

clocknut, your comment reminds me of an old saying:  "You can get cancer out of your body, but you can't get it out of you mind."

The notion of "cancer-free days" was suggested to me, I used it, and I think that after using consciously it for a while, I then unconsciously benefitted longer-term.  The concept is to "announce" to family members that xxxday will be a "cancer-free day", and nobody is allowed to talk about it, read about it, write about it (including coming here to HW), or (to the best of your ability) to think/dwell on it.  Focus elsewhere.  Believeme, your family will also appreciate you encouraging them to put your cancer out of their minds, even if only for a while...give them your blessing.

Try it!  I think it benefitted me.  My wife is now dealing with cancer, and we had our first "cancer-free" day last weekend....giving it another shot!

There's an old saying that you can't brainwash a brainwasher. The concept of a "cancer free" day sounds good on paper, for my type of mind set it would never work. The best way for me to keep it out of my mind, is simply to be busy with something else, hasn't been easy since I have been out of work for so long. I really don't dwell on it as much as it seems, I think about lots of other things, especially things I want to get into when I am in a little better health.

My wife and I only have a real talk on the subject once a month at the most, its not like she is in any kind of denial, but we both are up to speed and know where I am at, and what the options are at the moment.

I only tell our adult kids any updates if there is truly anything news worthy on the subject to share. The day to day struggle is mostly shielded from them by my choice.

David in SC

Been following this thread and trying to find the words that describe MY beliefs and feelings on living with PCa.

The operative phrase for me is 'LIVING WITH PCa".

You have all seen me close my posts with "Every Day is A Bonus", that truly is a heart-felt mantra with me. I do not minimize, trivialize or any other ize my PCa.

It just "is what it is". My wife's cancer "is what it is". We follow up with the doctors, take the tests and listen to their recommendations and then make decisions. If it is time to be concerned then we are. But as soon as that time passes we are back to living with cancer and not just existing with it. Jeez what a waste of time that would be.

We choose to spend our energies (when we have them) living life. Spending time with our families and taking care of them when the need arises. Doing things we enjoy and finding something wonderful in every day.

I am not going to say that PCa or Lynn's Myeloma doesn't come into our thoughts or conversations. It does. But when it does it comes in the form of a conversation the same way we might think about what's for dinner, where will be go on a trip and do I have the desire to go out in the boat.

BTW, I am going shrimping in my boat tonight. The weather is great and soon the shrimp should be running.

Many cannot approach this the way we do, I understand that. I can honestly say I have never experienced PSA anxiety of any other anxiety. I put the tests down on my calendar and then hope I remember it. I have alarms set on my calendar and phone to remind me just in case I have something else planned for the day.

I learned a long time ago that I cannot spend time worrying about things I cannot control. I can't do a darned thing about my or Lynn's cancer except deal with the medical aspects with due diligence as they come up.

I came here to HW as everyone else who finds this place does, looking for answers. I stay around so that I might help others, might say the comforting words that they need at the time or share something from my experience that may give them a direction they have not thought of. I DO NOT stay here because I am pre-occupied with my PCa.

I am not pre-occupied with it at all. It may take me in the end and then again I may fall out of the boat tonight and drown. All of us could fall prey to something, drunk driver, falling meteorite, sudden storms, whatever. But do we let it keep us in the house where we think we are safe.

So why let PCa keep us from living life to it's fullest. If anything this should have re-enforced in us the value of living because tomorrow is not guaranteed for any of us.

I don't have the magic formula, thought process, workout routine or grand plan.

Every Day is Really a Bonus and we just try to grab it by the throat and enjoy the hell out of it.

Sonny

Sonny, my brother, a good response from you, you and Lynne have been remarkable in how you have been handling duel cancers at the same time. Thinking only good things about you, Bubba Sonny, Shrimper

wigged-out: as long as I have been having major medical incidents, since age 28, and as many hospital visits I have done for others, I am amazed at how little attention is given to the mental and emotional well being of a patient. sometimes, and I am speaking first hand, that part can be worse than what ails you. i am sure the doctors and most nurses are just too busy to factor this into the equation. i think on behalf of patients everywhere, it needs to be brought to the front burner from time to time. there are a lot of people suffering in utter mental misery needlesly as they heal.

david

Post Edited (Purgatory) : 1/19/2011 3:20:18 PM (GMT-7)

Sonny, your honest take on things and your openness is one of many reasons why we have become friends for real. You: I can talk to, I got two brothers that I never literally speak to, and one only lives 6 miles from me. Go figure.

Sonny:

I agree with your thoughts/philosophy. You are one of the FEW here who truly seems to accomplish that. It is great and a worthy goal for all of us.

Mel

Zen,

Death is an inescapable fact for us humans. In the bigger picture of things, I know, one day -some how, I will die too.

I carry a certain fatalist view about some things in life. This is why I am resigned, that my PSA will be whatever it is. Not going to let it rule me or keep me in suspense or fear anymore. Still just a number on a piece of paper.

david

Great movie, one I highly recommend. I've watched it 3 times, last week being the latest. Worth the rental to see it.