Dear former Denizen of the Deep,
Don't be afraid to ask hard questions of any doctor you talk to. I remember asking how many surgeries he had done, what the worst thing that had happened during one of his surgeries might have been, what his rates of return to full continence and potency were. We also asked who else would be in the operating theater, what would happen if the machine or computer program went haywire, and why the surgery we were considering was a better choice than other treatments available to us. We talked at length about all those things.
My wife is a registered nurse with 40 years of experience. I was glad to have her there as my advocate, and also later during the hospital stay. As you said in an earlier post, you're the customer and the doctor is there to meet your needs, and I get the sense you're going to be extremely helpful as your husband moves along in his treatment.
I was surprised to find out that the uro/surgeon would start the operation, make the initial incisions, then break scrub to operate the DaVinci machine. So, if it became necessary to convert to open surgery, it would be his assistant who would take over. I don't know if that's always how it works, but it seemed important to know..
If you don't have the questions you want to ask written down, you'll easily forget to ask something.
Yes, you and your husband are young to have to deal with all of this. My wife and I will keep you both in our thoughts and prayers.