Twenty-one months: From surgery to failure of SRT

David:
I am so sorry with all the cards that you have been dealt with since your diagnosis of prostate cancer and the previous cancers and treatments.

It must feel very lonely (even surrounded by friends and supporters) when as you put it "... come up empty handed ...".

But, as we also say on occasion here at HW is, there is always hope.

I know from your previous postings about HT and your dislike of it, you may be dismissing what may (in regulated treatment geared to you) a version of HT may be of minimal disruption to your quality of life. And this approach may be of benefit to you and others.

If I sound like a broken record, I am sorry. I am just offering a window ... to see the same scene but from a different point of view...

hugs to you and Peggy,

Bronson and Steve
.........................

Post Edited (tatt2man) : 3/26/2011 7:41:20 PM (GMT-6)

Hello David,

Sounds like you are having a down night tonight. Like you my prospects at the time of diagnosis were not that good and everything I read said 5 to 8 years. Odds of cure were less than 18%. But 18% is better than nothing. I also play the lottery. It does no good to second guess our actions in the light of new information or developments. Best we can do is deal with the situation as it is.

I know you are not a fan of HT but some of the guys who are doing well on this site are doing well because of HT. It is not a cure and all it can do is stall things. I did it for two years and was told on my last visit that I may have to go back. The report was not good. Do not want to but will if it is the best option. It is tolerable though a bit uncomfortable. Luckily I did not have the depression that some report but the rest of the side effects gang showed up. Besides, if it is too much just stop after the first round. Effects will go away and you are no worse off than before.

David, I hope this is just a mood tonight and that you feel more hopeful in the morning.

Best to you,

Don

thanks, don - pro - and bronson

i try to be positive for everyone elses pc case, because it helps keep the thoughts off my own. yeah, a bit bummed, been raining all day here (always depresses me on cloudy days, could never live in seattle or places like that), plus took my wife and daugther to airport this morning as they are visiting relatives in St. Petersburg, FL for a full week. This is the longest my wife and I have been apart since this whole PC mess started, and the longest time I will have to deal with my stoma device on my own.

i have thought the same thought, could try ht, and if it proves to be too problematic for me, then of course i could stop it. if i had had ED as the result of the surgery or srt, i could have accepted that, because it would have been expected, but i didnt and i dont. so i cant get my mind set on doing the chemical castration thing of my own free will. at my age, sex is not number one in my priorities, but still somewhat important. i would not choose death at the expense of having sex.

i hate being out of work for over 2 years now, and none of my doctors will certify me fit to work. i was at the peak of my "game" when all this hit me, and had no intention of being forced out of the work force at age 56 (at dx), my wife, good woman that she is, has never complained even one time about that part. but makes me feel like crap, because i have always been the sole provider or main provider for most of our nearly 37 years of marriage.

i was not prepared for PC to knock me down this hard, caught me off guard, and there is only "x" i can do about my situation.

again, not looking for a hanky or a pity-pat, just trying to deal with what i guess will be my new reality. it would also help if social security would stop jerking me around after all this time, i paid into the system for 43 years, and still havent gotten the first disability check yet, got a good lawyer now, but i shouldnt have to go through that. my lawsuit, is as slow as molasses, typical with legal matters, and even my VA agent orange disability has been lingering for nearly 2 years, a lot of us navy guys have a harder time getting approved, because of minute technicalities.

six month after this urinary bypass surgery, i am barely physically funciontial for short periods of time, and thats after 5 months of being very compliant at out patient physical therapy.

i will stop while i am ahead, i know there are guys much worse off than me. just trying to see some positive trend at some point, thus far, that has not happened. sorry if i am venting.

david in sc

David,
I’m new to posting here, as you can see. After reading many blogs over the past three years, I wanted to join this one, as the members seem the most helpful. I had RP at Johns Hopkins 1/22/08 with a 2.66 psa and a Gleason 4+5 with ECE and 1 positive margin. Psa post op below 0.05 until June 2010, when it went to 0.06. hovered between there and 0.05 until 1/11, when it went to 0.08. Started salvage radiation 1/19/11 and finished 3/15/11 with 70 Gy. Little in side effects. First post radiation psa next week (very soon after, but my urologist wanted me to get it.) I know next stop if or when this fails is HT also, and what it means in quality of life and that it is not curative. Nevertheless, I once thought I would never accept my receiving salvage radiation, but I did. I tell myself that I will not accept submitting to HT, but I know I want to live longer (I am 55), so if the time comes, I will reluctantly submit to it. What I am trying to say is that although your psa is low enough that I think you could defer the hormone therapy for a while, don’t write it off and be fatalistic. Previous failures do not equate with future lack of long-term suppression of the cancer by hormone therapy. I know that it is so easy to just think “why bother if all this is for nothing.” I’ve felt the same way, although I haven’t gone through the problems you have. But you have been a morale booster for others, and I just want you to know that others feel the same for you, and for all who go through this nightmare.

mspt - your advice is as welcomed as the next guy, nothing to be ashamed of. we all suffer to various degrees with our pc journeys, some are better than others, and some are worse, no one gets a free ride in my opinion.

142 - thanks for the thought process with the long post, appreciate that.

david

Sounds to me like your quitting, what about your family. It is what it is. So its all for naught! What if the situation was reversed and it was someone you loved with cancer or someone on this forum and they did this. Snap out of it!. Get some counseling. This Has nothing to do with HT. Of course HT will fail everyone knows that. Don't take it but get some help. You owe that to your family and by god , us. I'm mad and if the rest of y'all don't like it. TOUGH!!!

North foot,

Interested in your SRT at less than .1. I am approaching same point. Could you drop me an e-mail so we could chat a little about it ?

It's in my sig.

Thanks,

Goodlife

Sorry David, not hijacking your thread. Wish there was something anyone could say to change your frame of mind. Life has been rough, no doubt, and most likely won't turn to sunshine and roses. But most likely you can have many years of decent life if you so choose.

Many men here go through many of the same emotions, and ask the same question, is it worth it ? It will be whatever you make if it, along with your wife and family. You still have much to offer as a husband and father, and if you get creative with your writing skills, have enough life experience to write fir many years. Hang out a shingle and start David's Tax Service. A man of your skills and talents can find many fulfilling things to do.

I hope you accept this post from a fellow PC guy who also asks, is it worth it ? Even if it's not, I have resolved to fight this sucker with every bullet in my gun.
I want to see my kids get married, see my grandkids grow up, and have a chance to enjoy life a little more. As a gleason 9 with a rising PSA, will I get to do it all, maybe not. But hot flashes or not, I am fighting all the way.

Goodlife

Oh Hush!!!

David:

I hear you loud and clear as we seem to be following a very similar path.

Feel free to rant. I know many of my posts here in March have been on the whining side. When we have a quick-rising PSA it certainly does cut to the quick. I would rather whine and rant here on HW than fall apart in real life.

Regarding HT, as you and I agree, we will cross that bridge when we get to it. I fully expect to get there, probably in the Fall, based on the way things are going. I have turned into a whiney pessimist! Now that's a miserable combination!

David, my bet is that when it finally comes down to it, you will do it. I don't mean to be flippant, but what choice do we have? As others have said, you can discontinue the HT if your worst fears about it are realized. I understand that HT can work from 0 months to quite a few years. I share your worry that with a quick PSADT HT won't work for long, but I'm not sure if that is even true. I think it depends on which PC cells are doing the bulk of the doubling (hormone sensitive or hormone refractory). Anyway, I can argue forever that you should do HT but ultimately, it's your decision.

I find this is a very lonely disease. There are such deep emotions that are hard to communicate, especially when recurrence happens.

Good luck, David, and rant/whine/scream here on HW as much as you want. You have been wonderfully supportive to others, but we all need support.

Mel

 

Sunday Morning

don - thank you, i am trying, really am, trying to snap out of this heavy all-encompassing fog in my mind. Hard for me to do, as its another rainy, dark and cloudy day. Doesn't help to be in a big empty house. Trying to think of some "busy" work to get me motivated here.

mel - as i have said before, i take more from there than i give, we all need help and support at time, or we wouldnt be here, even those guys that think they are so macho and tough. i dont see any of them leaving either.

you are right, cancer can be a lonely disease, even if you have good support and family, etc. Because when it comes down to it, its your life and your body, and you know the cancer is there, mutating cells and doubling all the time.

mal, thanks, i think its that very trauma that is keeping me in the dumps, not always easy to just "get over it" as some would say.
i keep trying and trying, but so far, my efforts have been in vain. i think my reaction at times is very normal.

david

Tud,

I am actively seeking a good medical oncologist. I have been given several good leads, of which I am in the process of checking out.

David

David,

I can't give any medical advice. But I can offer something few members on this site can. I still have enough oxy-acetylene and tracer rounds to blow at least 100 of your used stoma bags to kingdom come. Any time you're ready, buddy. I'm sure your brother would approve.

Up here, the snow is almost gone so I can finally open the barn door again. When I went inside I found the remains of your catheter bags. I had to smile. (I really should clean up more often.)

Jeff (The almost dry, but clearly brain damaged one.)