10 things not to say to a cancer patient

I have not had one single resentful comment. Friends and family have been very supportive.

'I did have one friend who, when I was first dx., said "don't worry, it will be okay."

I really was angry at that time, but he just didn't know what to say.

Mel

When I was first diagnosed I didn't tell a lot of folks. When some of my friends asked how I was, I let it go with a "Doing fine." When word got out , those same friends asked why I hadn't told them. I'm a pretty private person, but I was glad it was out of the bag and we talked about it and I told them to get tested. A couple of them came back positive and we talk a lot more since I've been through the surgery, radiation. We compare notes.

I check on them and ask them how their numbers are, what treatment options were they provided with, etc. They are doing a lot of research now and that's great. They've been extemely pro-active.

Now when someone tells me that they have been dx-ed with any kind of cancer I ask them what their numbers are like, explain that to me, who's their doctor, what options do you have, what are the chances of a cure,etc. I find if they can be engaged in that sort of conversation then it becomes about them and the best thing to do is listen...for that's what a lot of people want.

Unfortunately, cancer has become the brotherhood and sisterhood of our day because you'd be hard-pressed to find a more common thread among everyone's family. So I guess the thing to say is nothing...just ask and listen.

Bob