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Posted 5/18/2012 12:23 PM (GMT 0)
Who's bigger, Mr. Bigger or Mr. Bigger's son?
...scroll

















Mr. Bigger's son...he's just a "little" bigger!
Posted 5/18/2012 12:47 PM (GMT 0)
Three doctors are in the duck blind and a bird flies overhead. The general practitioner looks at it and says, "Looks like a duck, flies like a duck... it's probably a duck," shoots at it but misses and the bird flies away.

The next bird flies overhead, and the pathologist looks at it, then looks through the pages of a bird manual, and says, "Hmmmm...green wings, yellow bill, quacking sound...might be a duck." He raises his gun to shoot it, but the bird is long gone.

A third bird flies over. The surgeon raises his gun and shoots almost without looking, brings the bird down, and turns to the pathologist and says, "Go see if that was a duck."

Have a great weekend.

Jim
Posted 5/18/2012 2:08 PM (GMT 0)
Jim that was great.
Posted 5/18/2012 3:13 PM (GMT 0)
rather than funnies here is some advice:
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

and

Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso.

finally,

Bear bells provide an element of safety for hikers in grizzly country. The tricky part is getting them on the bears.
Posted 5/18/2012 4:13 PM (GMT 0)
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Tennessee. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence to collect the bird, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The lawyer replied, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field. Now I'm going in to retrieve it."

The old farmer looked the lawyer in the eyes and stated firmly, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The lawyer huffed angrily, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the country. If you don't let me get my duck, I'll sue you."

The old farmer smiled. "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Tennessee. We settle small disagreements like this with the Tennessee Three Kick Rule."

The lawyer asked, "What's the Tennessee Three Kick Rule?"

The Farmer answered, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."

The attorney thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the lawyer. His first kick to the shin had the lawyer hopping around on one foot when suddenly the farmer planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. The attorney was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to pass out.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old coot, now it's my turn."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck.
Posted 5/19/2012 12:15 AM (GMT 0)
A proctologist retires, and decides to try a different line of work. He enrolls in mechanic school. He pays attention and studies hard, especially for the final exam.

When he gets his test score, it reads "150%". He suspects a mistake, and reluctantly decides to ask the instructor about it.

The instructor's answer: "Given that the test was to remove a transmission, and then piece by piece replace it with a new one, I gave you 100% for doing a perfect job".

"What was the additional 50% for, then?"

"You are the first student that I have had that performed the entire procedure through the tailpipe".

Jeff
Posted 5/19/2012 12:59 AM (GMT 0)
A golfer hits his ball into the woods, goes looking for it and meets a gorgeous girl walking along looking for her ball. She tells him, "You look like my third husband." He asks,"How many times have you been married?" She winks at him and says, "Twice."

Bob
Posted 5/19/2012 1:23 AM (GMT 0)
Why did the M&M jump into the ocean?



because he wants to be a Lifesaver ! turn
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