Ed,
I'll agree that there is a lot of fear of the SEs (I won't say hysteria, as my uro has warned me clearly that my life will change significantly). I am clearly not happy to have to go down that road.
The information is there if you dig for it, but as a patient, the uro should be providing that. We have enough on our plates without having to scour the internet and sort out the junk from reality.
The big issue for me in talking to those on HT is that they have a public story and a private story. The guys who rally around and say "yeah, you'll survive! we're doing OK" with a slap on the back when I bring it up are also the ones who call or catch me one-on-one and warn me that they are keeping up a front - alpha male and all that. They almost to the last one then describe what they really went through as much worse than what they admit in group settings..
Now, there is a psychological part. A lot of these guys have wives, kids, grandkids, and have a mind set that they are doing what they need to do in order to dance at the weddings in the future. The trade-off is something they can look at and balance. It gives them a reason to put up with the crap.
Since I have none of the above, I get to look at the downside compared to a completely empty upside. Sure, I need to get a couple of more books finished, but there will always be another one, so the flow will stop someday. Yes, someone may come along. But for now my life is to keep a job so I have insurance to pay the medical bills, convert plastic boxes of notes into books, and try to help keep the peace here.