"There's no fool like an old fool". Dat's me.
"State of pain" today? Mild discomfort ('cept for my gums, which haven't seen an OUNCE of improvement in the week since being worked on).
FINALLY figured out why I was in so much pain last week. *MAYBE* I will learn from this horrendously painful experience. I was doing yardwork and bending and breaking some REALLY TOUGH STUFF to fit it in the refuse cans. I was STRAINING to do it (but I could). That is, it took "all my might" to do it, and I did it repeatedly. I had been deliberately "pushing envelopes" and trying to see how much strength I have recovered, but I can now see that the above was WAY TOO MUCH. I think that not only were my weak muscles duly strained, but that my cancer-ridden bones around my ribs and shoulders "broke" and gave way slightly. That is, mini-breaks where the tendons connect. Typically, my system doesn't tell me AT THE TIME that what I am doing is too much (I guess it's the "fight or flight" adrenaline kicking in to "save" me this time, but I'm gonna PAY for it later when presumably I'm safe from the "peril" I was saved from.)
It is amazing to me, in contrast, how much the mind is "influenced" by pain. That is, it is so hard to be optimistic and plan for even the near future when you HURT. My mind again went to a "dark place" of impending doom and feeling of fading hope last week. I was thinking I was going downhill fast. I fought the idea that I would have to take stronger meds continuously, and all kinds of other dark thoughts flooded in. Now that I have "recovered", the darkness has indeed receded.
I *KNOW* I am weak, compared to last year at this time---radiation and six months of chemo have taken its toll. So I think that my "guideline" from now on is that I will NOT STRAIN my muscles. I will use only some 75% of my strength to do anything---if I use more *I WILL BE SORRY*!
I just HATE IT when my pain is my own d__n fault. Gotta be wiser and not be such a fool.
Post Edited (sequoiaranger) : 11/2/2012 2:03:46 AM (GMT-6)