Friday Humor

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kNp4WQm2pt4

Guys after my own heart

Post Edited (Sagittarian) : 2/1/2013 6:58:23 AM (GMT-7)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MB0Ne8AcE9E

If only I had a sip of water

Patient: I think I'm an onion
Doctor: Why?
Patient: women start crying when they undress me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxC9-PJfyKo

Almost won this lastnight

The 10 Commandments From a Dog's Perspective

1. My life is likely to last 10 to 15 years; any separation from you will be painful for me. Remember that before you adopt me.

2. Give me time to understand what you want from me; don't be impatient, short-tempered, or irritable.

3. Place your trust in me and I will always trust you back. Respect is earned not given as an inalienable right.

4. Don't be angry with me for long and don't lock me up as punishment; I am not capable of understanding why. I only know I have been rejected. You have your work, entertainment, and friends, but I only have you.

5. Talk to me. Even if I don't understand your words, I do understand your voice and your tone. You only have to look at my tail.

6. Be aware that however you treat me, I'll never forget it, and if it's cruel, it may affect me forever.

7. Please don't hit me. I can't hit back, but I can bite and scratch, and I really don't ever want to do that

8. Before you scold me for being uncooperative, obstinate, or lazy, ask yourself if something might be bothering me. Perhaps I'm not getting the right foods or I've been out in the sun too long, or my heart is getting old and weak. It may be I am just dog-tired.

9. Take care of me when I get old. You too will grow old and may also need love, care, comfort, and attention.

10. Go with me on difficult journeys. Never say, "I can't bear to watch" or "Let it happen in my absence." Everything is easier for me if you are there. Remember, regardless of what you do, I will always love you.

 

A woman is stopped for speeding

 

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.
...
Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle
please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The first officer is stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Woman: Betcha the lying ****** told you I was speeding too.

lol funny stuff!

This isn't necessarily humor, but maybe an uplift.

{Summer}
Hair gets lighter. Skin gets darker. Water gets warmer. Drinks get colder. Music gets louder. Nights get longer. Life gets better!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGeKSiCQkPw

Mans best friend

More Friday humor... Someone near and dear to our hearts joined an online dating site for the first time in his life.

Learning the hard way is fun.. One girl kept jumping out at me so I added her to my favorites. Little did I know that the system would send her an email.

Had to finish/actually start filling out my profile and added a picture AND forked out $23.99 so could have access to her message.

It could be interesting. The site I'm on has a little over 500 women in my zip code radius and about 30 guys.

Good thing I have a brand new bottle of Trimix

(course, that's a lot of wishful thinking)