Stage 4

Hi. I am new. My husband was just diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer. We have an appointment on Monday at Sloan. He is only 50 years old. I am still in a state of disbelief. I do not know what to expect.

Thank-you.

Hi WorriedWife. I have been in your shoes. If you read my signature you will see that in November we went through a similar shock. Truly life has continued much the same as before diagnosis. The drugs they have many different medical treatments available and we know that we have years and years and years together.

Without knowing your details it is hard to tell you exactly what to expect. If you have not had a bone scan and CT then those are likely. I would expect that your husband will be on some sort of hormone therapy.....easy to deal with. A pill(Casodex) and an injection(Lupron). Some side effects go along with these but for my husband, the hot flashes are the worst and they are only a pain in the butt. He gets some muscle pain too and that bugs him. I think it is the psychological that gets him as the pain is not that severe.

Good luck and feel free to ask questions here and at your appointment at Sloan

Keep the faith. I don't think what the urologist told him should ever have been said. There are other folks on this board that have had similar diagnoses and have lived longer than 2 years. Try to stay positive until after your appointment with Sloan. Since all of the cancer is prostate cancer regardless of location, the hormone therapy can reduce the size and stop the growth. For how long is different for different people.

Thank-you, after his initial shock and anger he seems to be coping fairly well. I am the one who is losing it and I want to be strong. We have a daughter finishing up her second year of college. He is driving up there this Friday to tell her. He doesn't want me to go because he thinks I'll fall apart. I feel like I am failing him.

Sometimes I just can't stop crying. I am hoping and praying I can pull it together for him. It's like he's more worried about me than he is worried about himself. I am normally very good in a crisis, this has just knocked me for a loop.

My heart goes out to you two. As one who was diagnosed with Stage 4 with a Gleason9 last June, my wife and I know how much of a shock this is.

The posters are right about first treatment probably being Lupron injection with Casodex. Worst side effects for me was hot flashes-more emotional- fatigued, but nothing that cant be handled. This is for cancer that is testosterone dependent. With higher Gleason numbers come more mutations that are not dependent on testosterone, and become dependent on Androgen for example which brings treatment of Keto and hydrocortisone, and so it goes. There are a huge number of effective variant treatments available.

You mentioned Gleason 7 which just might be good news long term! Cancer cells tend to be less mutant.

At this point the tumor on the spine may be one of the more pressing concerns depending on how your doc analysis goes. Radiation can really help with that. I had radiation in April for a large hip tumor that gave me pain in the level 6 to 8 range and it went from pure hell to amazingly pain free in one week.

For some reason my oncologist has a need to remind me that I have from 6 months to 2 years left and he tries to bring it the least stressful way, but at my age, knowing those in this forum with PSA numbers in the thousands and still bringing it 10 years later, and being wise enough to know we all make verbal faux pas` I tend to forgive such things. I like my Oncologist; he is working hard for me and I am grateful.

Nevertheless, this all is a life changer, make no mistake. this forum will provide you with enough info over time along with much needed emotional support to help you two in your journey. I pray for you two.

Thanks for all the support. I think I will eventually be able to pull it together, it has just been a horrible month of new bad news every day.

..Worried Wife,

..Welcome a board HW, none of us like being here but it is a wonderful place to be if you have PCa. Stay strong, take beep breaths and try and think of all the good times and joy yor family brings, all the blessings you have witnessed, stay positive, then you fight this problem like a war on many fronts. Gather Intellegence (Dr Walsh book, " surviving prostrate cancer"), find out your treatment options, see different doctors (Dr Nori at NY Hospital of Queens is a Radiologist Oncologist, Dr Lee Richstone is at the Arthur Smith Institute for Urology across fom LIJ). Even if you stick with Sloan try to get another opinion in the name of research. I just had surgery a week ago but my situation is different, in fact PCa is very individual so keep track of all your husbands numbers, build a folder. One day at a time..

..........Nick...........

WOW! That is great news Todd. Thank-you all for your support.

WW, listen to Todd1963 and Greetingz...they know from whence they speak! When my husband was first diagnosed (5 years ago), I spent alot of time in the bathroom...pretending to "sit on the throne" but in actuality just looking for space to cry by myself. I did it at home and I did it at work...no one ever said anything to me but I imagine that my red eyes gave me away! What you're going through is perfectly normal...once you get to the "anger" stage, that's when you want to kick some butt - in this case, it'll be PCa whose gonna take a whoopin' from you and your husband and your medical team at Sloan.

Being strong for your husband is what we wives do (and vice versa) but don't cheat yourself out of "letting it out" now and then. And you're not failing your husband in the least - heck you came here to learn and that's a great first step on the road to beating the beast we call prostate cancer.

Come back anytime...we'll leave the lights on for you.

Leo, I respect the moderator's rules but please know I was not offended.

WW - relax, it's normal that at this point in the journey and with the beast coming into your live's so abruptly, that you don't know much about this - but that's what we here for, to help you guys understand from our experiences.

When I was where you are now, albeit our situations are different, I dove all in to learn what I could - even getting to that point that I affectionately refer to as "Paralysis by Analysis" - you'll get there too, but it's all good. Becoming educated on PCa and the treatment options available for your husbands stats is the best thing you can do right now.